Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Last Post of the Year!!!

Well all I have to say is that in December I ran 125 miles and finished my first full year of running with 1218 miles. Not Bad, if I do say so myself. My running shorts still remain free of poop, and I have no major injuries to report. Success!!! I am down to six weeks until my first attempt at a full marathon and from that performance all my future running goals will be based. I can hardly wait to see what the new year brings.

This weekend I tried my luck at driving a race car (Nascar) at Daytona International Speedway. Ah Yeah, Let's just say I won't be replacing any of the drivers on the Nascar circuit next year. I enjoyed the experience, but was happy to get out of the race car after my seven or eight laps. I think I got passed at least four frickin times. The first time I got passed it was by a group of five cars that were all in a draft together traveling approximately 160 miles per hour. Needless to say compared to the 80 or 90 that I was going, it didn't do a lot for my confidence as a race car driver. I think I'll stick to running, at least when I shit my pants it won't be as squishy if I'm in the vertical position.

I want to wish anybody who accidentally reads this blog, (and apologize) a Happy New Year. I wish everyone the best in what looks like will be an interesting 2009!!! Peace Out!!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Running--- Much like life--- Means never quitting on yourself!!!

Today was one of those days. You know when you get up and don't particularly care to do the things you know you have to do. Mine happened to be running a measly 4 miles. But, in the end I put on my running attire and headed out into the cold morning air. Just like every other time that I have had these occasional feelings of not getting out there and running, in the end I'm always glad I did.

This morning my mind wandered back to a conversation that my wife, uncle and I had a few weeks back. We were talking about my grandfather and how he was a great business man. The uncle we were speaking with is one of the two sons that now run the family business that my grandfather started. I started to tell my uncle how I went to visit my grandfather with my business plan 9 years ago. My uncle kind of interrupted me, not in a bad way, and said he remembered me doing that. After that I let the conversation change to another topic. I felt there was no reason to let my uncle know what I was actually going to say.

The real intention I had for visiting my grandfather that day was not only to look at my business plan, but to help me financially get my business up and running. Well, what actually happened that day was my grandfather looked at my business plan and..... wait for it ...... LAUGHED!!!

Thinking back at that moment while running this morning, it was probably the best gift that my grandfather ever gave me. I wasn't going to be handed anything from anyone and was going to have to make it happen myself. By laughing at my plan I never shared with him that my intentions were serious, and decided that my limited resources were all I could count on. Without a second thought my wife and I cashed in our mutual funds, a huge $4000 and started the business. During the past 9 years there have been bumps in the road, but (and I guess my point) I have always managed to get out of bed and go to work.

So, whether it's running, business or any other thing that you may want in your life, having the courage to get out the door is the first step. The second is to keep on going out that door no matter what your pea brain tells you. There is no one out there that is going to help you, plus they are all going to "Laugh At You". At least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you have no one to thank for all of the success, but yourself. Peace Out!!!

Tue: 4 miles

Friday, December 19, 2008

Open Letter To: 2008

Dear 2008,


Well you are all but gone my friend and I wish I could say I was going to miss you, but I would be lying. Along with your departure the worst president in our History will also be leaving soon. I'll miss him almost as much as the opossum I nearly tripped over a few weeks back. 2008 you did provide me with a few memorable things this year though.

Like getting to watch my boy go to school for the first time and watch my little girl go from three years old to teenager (in her mind) in a blink of an eye. I swear that girl is trouble. On the running front, I participated in three half marathons, a 13K, and one 5K. I got faster with each half this year and actually broke the two hour barrier on my final one in November. In October I started using a running coach, which has made me an even better runner (if that's even possible). In July I started this blog. What a mistake!!! Since I now have so many people reading this thing I feel compelled to keep on writing. Seriously, I thought after a couple of entries I would be banned from using the service. I guess they don't ban people for poor spelling and grammar. Last and least since no replacement (trophy wife) has been found I still remain married to my starter wife. Congratulations on another wonderful year to you "The mother of my children".

In closing, I guess you weren't to bad 2008. Shit from what I can see so far for the start of 2009 I'll probably really be missing you soon. However, forward we must go 2008, so good riddance. Bring on 2009!!! I love a challenge!!!

P.S.--- Let 2009 know that I will soon be setting my goals for her year. Peace Out!!!

This week running: 19.6 miles

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The Great Tooth Caper!!!

My 5 year old son lost his first tooth yesterday at school. AH Yeah, Not Really!!! He told his teacher, his friends mom and even his own mom that the tooth came out during school. Funny that the tooth in question was obvisouly of the front type. Even funnier that not one of the above mentioned elders realized that Jake still had all of his front teeth. I mean it doesn't take a rocket surgeon to figure out that the boy should have had a gap somewhere visible in the front of his pie hole. Maybe they all thought the boy is part shark.

Upon examining Jake when I got home from work and questioning him why he has a tooth, but no missing teeth, he finally broke down and admitted that he found the chiclet on the floor in his classroom. Imagine our surprise!!! Today mommy will be taking Jake to school with tooth in tow and letting him explain why he has obcsonded with one of his clasmates tooth. Hopefully, he will also apologize to the victim. I'm sure the knowledge that a found tooth would leed to money from the tooth fairy made Jake's decision to become a criminal easier. Unfortuntely, for him, he couldn't live with his own lies. I guess money is the root of all evil. Sorry buddy you're just going have to wait for one of your own teeth to fall out. Or, you could rummage through your teacher purse when she's not looking. Peace Out!!!

Tue: 6.15 miles easy 1 hour (horrible run, legs felt like they were full of lead)

Friday, December 5, 2008

Blog 39!!! In Poem Form!!!

This year has brought on lots of depression.
People are scared and are in constant fear.
Now we learn we're in a recession. (NO SHIT, Really???)
Much to my surprise Contractor's still like to drink beer. (Not Really, Surprised that is, What a bunch of drunks!!!)

Will the auto industry get their relief?
While the common American is dismissed from their job.
CEO's continue to steal like everyday thief's.
Unfortunately, it's you and I that they continuously rob.

The government should let the chips fall where they may.
There will be no bail outs for my small company to help it thrive.
So if the big corporations fail, that will be O.K.
In my opinion only the hard working are meant to survive.

I should just shut up and run, because that is what I find fun.
So, forget whatever I happened to say above.
This stupid poem is thankfully close to being done.
I leave this post with the all of my love.

Peace Out!!!

5 miles 10: 1/4miles @ 1:45/quarter mile 43 minutes

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

My Flaw of Atrraction!!!

I was having a hard time sleeping last night due to a sudden coughing attack. Frickin Flu!!! Anywho, since I couldn't sleep I cracked open a book my (very spiritual) wife is re-reading "The Law Of Attraction" and started to read it. I only read a few pages, but this morning during my quiet time I decided to shut the lights in my office and try to meditate for a few minutes, just like good ole Esther does in the book.

Lights are off and I am starting to feel a calm come over my body. I am starting to feel somehow taller and thinner than I actually am. As I type these words it's almost as someone has entered my body and took complete control of my bodily functions. I am typing at break neck speed and know for a fact that another person has taken over my functions. I am now just a vessel.

Spirit: Well hello Jason, do not be afraid, I am Abraham the spirit you have channeled from another dimension, or where ever you think spirits come from.
Me: Abraham? Your the same dude that comes to Esther in the book I was reading last night.
Abraham: Oh silly Jason!!! Abraham happens to be a popular name among spirits, but I assure you we are not same guy.
Me: Can I ask you questions like Esther does to her Abraham?
Abraham: Shoot!!!
Me: Will I ever actually get a trophy wife?
Abraham: Lose a few pounds, dress a little better, become more popular, shave your back and win the lottery and I believe you will achieve. This is the path for anything you want in life, so please don't bore me with a million questions.
Me: Gosh, that doesn't sound like the advice that Esther's advisor gave her.
Abraham: I told you we are not the same dude.
Me: Any life lessons you can give me during these rough economic times?
Abraham: Remember there is always somebody worse off than you. I remember in my days we had slavery, which I was very much against, the way one man could treat another was "In Sane in the Membrane", if you know what I'm sayin. Well, I was willing to divide this country in half to stop this problem. Oh Yeah, if you want to save on paper you can use the back of used envelopes to jot down notes and stuff. Believe me it's a real life saver. Lastly, if you take your wife to the theater remember to wear clean underwear's. You never know who's going to end up seeing those things.
Me: Thanks Abraham. Sounds like you lived in some trying times. I hope you will advise me again in the near future.
Abraham: Don't worry kid I'm always around you, in spirit of course. I got to get going. I love to watch the sun come up over that Phallic symbol of Washington and reflect in the concrete pond in front of my place in the morning hours. What a warped sense of humour we Americans have.
One last thought for you Jason.
Me: What's that?
Abraham: Peace Out!!!

Tue: 5 miles 46 minutes 887 calories

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Open Letter To: Dead Opossum in Middle of Road!!!

Dear Deceased Possum In Middle of Road,

I know due to your untimely death and being a opossum that you are probably not going to ever get a chance to read this. But Seriously, after being ran over by that car you couldn't muster enough energy to at least crawl, limp, or roll over to the side of the road? How pitiful!!! Did you do one of those, get half way across the road and see a car coming and decide you should probably go back the way you came from moves, that you and relatives have made ever so popular? How did that work for you? Word of advice if you believe in reincarnation and happen to get lucky enough to come back as a opossum again. If ever put in that same situation and half way across the street with a car barreling down on you, just keep walking in the direction that your already heading. Guess what!!! The distance you're traveling in is just as close as turning back, and you already happen to be heading that way. Even I know that and I'm probably only a few I.Q. points smarter than you were before the grim reaper came to get you this morning.

During our first meeting while in the first half of my tempo run when I mistakenly thought you were some type of clothing that someone threw out their car window. I was at full speed and in the same path as your rotting carcass. I'm glad that I wisely changed my stride at the last minute to avoid a direct hit. That could have made an already messy scene even messier. It wasn't until the second passing, (still your first) that I realized that the clothing was actually your smeared remains. Which brings me back to my earlier question dear opossum. They say that while staring death in the face creatures have been known to cling on to life until they can see the people they love one last time. Did I just happen to come along right after your mate and ten kids said their final goodbye? Or, were you alone in the world and never lucky enough to feel the love of another? If the second statement is true let me be the first to say that I shared a brief moment of sadness this morning in remembrance of you. That should make you feel better on the trip to where ever you dead varmints go when leaving this earth. Keep in mind the source though. I mean I am dedicating a whole entry in my blog to your parting. So, how crazy do I look??? Anywho...

In closing, I feel your eternal rest has somehow brought us closer together. Even though I actually never got a chance to know the real you. I've seen your insides, (literally) and bet if given the chance of being obliterated by that same car again, you would upon seeing me running towards you with great speed use what ever power you have left to crawl over to the side of the road. You would then look at me with your last breathe and I would glance back and let you know that it is O.K. to let go. Rest easy my marsupial friend. You will be missed. To bad the car didn't.

P.S.--- Could you let the suicide squirrel that ended up under our tires on Lido this afternoon know that he will be missed also. My Bad Man!!! Peace Out!!!

Tuesday: 5.6 miles 10 minute warm up 2 miles out 1st mile 7:32 pace 2nd mile 7:35 pace
Total time: 47 minutes 2 miles back 1st mile 7:34 pace 2nd mile 7:57 pace

Friday, November 21, 2008

Open Letter To: My Self

Dear Self,

November is quickly coming to a close and it seems the year has passed by at warp speed. I mean can you believe next week is Thanksgiving? Well it is self, and you have a lot to be thankful for!!! Although it has been a struggle you're still in business, the family seems relatively healthy and you just seem to get more and more attractive looking by the day. I remember just two years ago you looked like Jabba The Hut's stunt double and probably had less mobility. Remember those days while naked when you looked down and could only see belly? It's reassuring to know now that all that time you did have feet and a penis for that matter. See!!! Definitely a lot to be thankful for.

You have also become a respectable runner in the past year. Although you put in the work, don't forget where you started from. This alone should be all the motivation you need to never become that lazy individual again. Never be satisfied with where you are in future training, but relish in the goals you set along the way. There will be days and races where you will not perform at your best. Consider these times life lesson and learn from them. Most importantly, and I mean this with all sincerity, please do not Shit In Your Pants!!!

By the way, all the above advice could probably be used in your day to day life. Oh yeah, give the kids hugs and kisses and remember you can never tell them "I Love You" enough times. This also could apply to some wives, but I'm unsure in your situation. Peace Out!!!

Thursday run: 6 miles 57 minutes

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Tag I'm It!!! Who gives a shit??? 6 random things about me!!!

1.) I'm actually a natural blonde. And yes I dye all my hair so the drape matches the curtains, or whatever that saying is.

2.) I was found in a grocery store parking lot by what I now know as my parents when I was only a few months old. Ironically, my brother was found in a dumpster behind the same grocery store years later. My oldest sister was actually brought home by my parents from the hospital, however they were just giving blood for cash and thought a new born could possibly rake in more money on the black market. My youngest sister was found in between a bank and an accountants office. Rumours are she was burying coins in the alleyway.

3.) I am related to Samuel Sewell, who happens to be the judge in Salem that got rid of that pesky witch problem they had up north way back then. Funny after all those years the Bennett men have been cursed to only be allowed to marry modern age witches.

4.) As much as I talk about finding a trophy wife, the truth is I'd never even bother. First of all it was to much work, but well worth it, the first time around. Secondly, if that's even a word, my wife is the only person who reads this trash that I take hours to type when I should be working.

5.) I am going to go out on a limb and predict that we are either heading, in or coming out of a recession. And someday we will have a black president. Possibly as soon as next year.

6.) Put in Turtle's situation on Entourage, I would have had a hard time leaving California. You know without ever having a chance to see Sea World and all!!!

PEACE OUT!!!

Wii Hates Left Handed People!!!

Especially the bowling game!!! Nuff Said!!! Peace Out!!!

Monday, November 17, 2008

The "3's" aligned, no #2, and a new PR!!! 13.1 Marathon Fort Lauderdale Race Report:

Well folks Sunday was a good day for a race. The numbers seem to magically align upon entering the fine city of Ft. Lauderdale. You see our hotel room number was 705 and my bib number was 60. How could things get any better??? I know I have OCD issues, but I think the race officials did this just for me. They decided to start the race at 6:13 AM!!! But Jason how does that fit in you're silly number "3" scheme??? You Doubters!!! It's simple if you add the start time of 6:13 to the distance 13.1 you will easily be able to see how the race organizers were trying to accommodate me. Jesssh!!!! Obviously I had "3" things going for me long before the start of the race.

I awoke for the race at 4:00 AM, which in retrospect was a little early since our hotel was literally at the start line. I followed my usual rituals of praying to the Porcelain God for forgiveness of my many sins, and hoped he would be a patient god letting me make it to the finish line without rearing his ugly turtle head. I then took a warm shower, got dressed, snacked on some peanut butter crackers, drank some water, and headed down stairs. It was 4:30, what was I to do for the next hour and forty five minutes? What any sane runner would do. I hopped on the hotels treadmill for ten minutes to see if I could possibly anger the Porcelain God. I was successful at pissing the god's off, and was able to let go of what little doubt was left in my system. I was now race ready!!!

The race started on 17th street and headed west towards Federal Hwy., turned north through the tunnel,(can't remember name) turns right on Broward which turns to Las Olas which takes you to A1A along the beach for the last 8 miles. I planned on starting at a 8:30 pace and seeing how that would feel. The pace was very comfortable for me and I felt like I probably could have pushed a little faster. I think the cool temperature helped with my pace. The only hard part of the whole run was the wind. Most of the race, approximate 7 miles, was in a head wind and being shaped like a sail on sail boat doesn't make this the best of situations. At mile 8.5 you turn around on A1A and head south towards the finish at South Beach Park. At this point the wind was finally at my back and feeling I had a sub 2 hour half marathon in the bag I decided to pick up the pace and shoot for my goal 1 hour and 51 minutes. I actually ran my fastest mile of the race in my last mile, (7:46 Damn Girrrl!!!) which probably explains how my family once again missed my spectacular leg kick to the finish line (1 hour 51 minutes). Don't worry guys there's always next year. All in all I have to say this was an awesome race. Well organized, not to big, plenty of water stops, scenic course. I'd give it two thumbs up, and will probably do it again next year.

Let's look at my Predictions/ Goals from my last post:

1.) run under 2 hours, check!!!

2.) no need, see #1!!!

3.) 1 hour 51 minutes, hell to the yeah!!!

4.) have fun, fun was had!!!

5.) Don't shit pants, The record and my pants are still clean!!!

6.) Trophy wife, My only failed mission, however with this economy I seriously couldn't afford one anyway!!!

7.) Peace Out!!!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Open Letter to the City and people of Ft. Lauderdale!!!

Dear fine people of Ft. Lauderdale,

Thursday night my family and I will be visiting you for the weekend. If you happen to run into my family don't let on that they are actually in Ft. Lauderdale. You see they are conditioned to think if they are traveling in a car for over two hours than they are going to Walt Disney World. Little do they know the only Mickey, Minnie, Daisy or Donald that they have a chance to meet this weekend will probably be over the age of 90, and wearing Depends instead of costumes. Please play along with them, Disney is all they really know. Hell, if you would come to our hotel with balloons and popcorn our family would feel right at home and definitely pay top dollar for such items. Anywho...

The main reason for visiting your fine community, is the half marathon you are holding this Sunday morning. I want to apologize in advance for what my quick running pace may do to your fine roadways and landscape areas. You might want to have the local fire stations on standby on Sunday morning for the flame trail that I'll probably be leaving on the designated race course. Unless you see me the Friday or Saturday roaming with the locals, you will be hard pressed to see me on Sunday morning. Ever see a falling star??? You probably have!!! I'll look like that only much bigger!!! And No!!! Not because I'm really fat!!! Because I'm so much closer to you mere mortals than an actual falling star. I believe the running community thinks of me more of a "Rising Star", but enough about me. I will now make my race predictions/goals for Sunday.

1.) Run half marathon under 2 hours.

2.) Preform Hari Kari ritual at finish line if goal #1 is not met.

3.) My half prediction: 1 hour 51 minutes (Do-able, but would be an improvement of 12 minutes from earlier this year)

4.) Have fun during the race.

5.) Don't shit my pants, thus keeping my record clean ( so to speak)

6.) Continue to look for potential "Trophy Wives", what better place to look than the Ft. Lauderdale area.

7.) Keep streak alive of ending each blog with "Peace Out"!!!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Final Flashbacks!!! A tale of two half marathons 2008

I promise this will be my final installment of the ever so popular flashback of races, mainly because it's the last of the races that I have participated in. Yes my racing career has been that short and pitiful.

Race #1 Walt "Freaking" Disney World half marathon: This was my second attempt at this race, however this time I actually somewhat trained for the event. Unlike last year, I no longer had the family to run with me for motivation though. My brother, his wife, and his sister in law moved on to the full marathon, because they thought the medal for finishing would be much cooler. Note: It actually was a really cool medal, although I felt personally if or when I decide to do a full I don't just want to finish for a medal, I want to actually do my best. Weird Huh!!! My sister who also ran the half last year went back to being an out of shape loser!!! Jodie, if you do happen to read this you know I kid, I'm a kidder!!! Seriously, get your fat ass on that treadmill or let me have the damn thing!!! I'll actually use it. Anywhoooo!!!!

I showed at 4:00 in the morning with 13,000 of my closes friends and waited, (slept), in the Epcot parking lot for the 6:00 start. Of course, not knowing what my capabilities were going to be when signing up for this race a year in advance, I was in the last starting corral. My group crossed the start line around 6:30. At the beginning I kept under control and stayed focused on not going out as fast as I did in my previous two halves. I felt good the entire run and think I passed approximately 9000 people. This was my first half that I was able to run the entire distance. I actually kept about the same pace the entire way. I learned to use athletic tape over my nips, so I didn't have the blood stream like I so proudly displayed running down my white T-shirt in last years race. Finally, the best thing about this race compared to the previous, I could actually walk after the finish and the days following. Oh Yeah, my last recollection of the race, my wife and kids made it three for three in not showing up to watch me cross the finish line. Now that's a commitment!!! Finish time 2:07, 1 hour and 9 minutes faster than 2007!!!

Race #2 Sarasota Half "red tide" Grouper run: After having such a great race at WDW, I was optimistic that I could knock off a few minutes and run a sub-2 hour half. Little did I know there would be some obstacles, (excuses), I would have to overcome. Obstacle #1: The company my wife and I own completed a prestigious job for the historic Sarasota Opera House and naturally the grand opening was the night before the running of my half marathon. This meant we would be getting all dolled up and staying out late to watch a full opera and sit down to a fancy dinner afterwards. Lord knows my wife had to stick around to see what the dessert would look like. Obstacle#2: After finally getting to bed after our night on the town and settling into bed around midnight, I woke up around 2:00 and could hardly swallow. You would have thought I sung at the freaking opera!!! I thought maybe if I took a warm shower my throat would feel better. That did nothing for my throat, but did a good job of keeping me from going back to sleep. Having just under 4 hours until the start of the race, which is a three minute walk from our house gives a worrier like myself a lot of time to think. In fact it was enough time to make me doubt weather I could even run the race at all. I got so worked up I gave myself a stomach ache to compliment my already sore throat. I talked myself into getting dressed and decided to take the short walk to the start of the race.

Upon arrival I ran into one of my high school classmates,(Gena) that was also running the half. There was actually 4 of us from my high school running on this day, along with Gena and I, Patti and Mark were also braving the course. I talked with Gena for about 20 minutes, and then realized that I needed to check out one of the few Port-o-Potties spread out around the starting area.(Obstacle #3) The race was set to start in 10 minutes and my dumb ass waited up to this point to go take care of my business. Maybe I should have went during the four hours a sat at home waiting for the start of the race. Now everybody and their family were in line to use the crappers. I decided to go to the furthest bathroom I could see. Well I guess everybody else had the same idea, so I settled into the line and watched the countdown to the start of the race tick down from afar. This by the way did not help me feel any better, rather even more rushed and anxious. I wanted to line up with the 9 minute mile pace team, however by the time I finally let the dew fall from the lily all the pace teams and just about everybody else had already began racing. So, I did what I'm sure any calm runner would do and ran like a bat out of hell to try to catch the 9 minute pace team. (Obstacle #4) I was now off and running and unfortunately for me at a 8:30 pace, which was way faster than my fat ass should have been going. Around mile 4 I caught up and passed,(unwisely)the 9 mile pacers and continued running like a mad man. This was about the point that I met the final three obstacles that would lead to my demise.

Obstacle #5: A little after mile four I reached the first water stop where I planned on taking a "GU" gel for a little pick me up in energy. For those of you that don't know the name "GU" basically sums up what it's all about. It's a thick gel that you squeeze out of a little packet that comes in different fun flavors and you usually want to wash down with water. On this particular day my flavor was Chocolate Outrage, (once again unwise) and after squeezing the packet in my mouth I realized with my sore throat it was not going to go down without a fight. It took about a half a mile to get the shit down, and the way my stomach was feeling I hoped it would stay down.

Obstacle #6: Speaking of shit, upon reaching mile 6 and starting to head to the peak of Sarasota largest mountain, The John Ringling Bridge, I spotted a women stopped who was obviously having even more problems than I was. It appears, scratch that, SHE SHIT HER PANTS!!! Well I guess her race is over. Hell To The No Sister!!! This women unzipped her running jacket and tied it around her waist to hide her soiled pants and continued the race. Unfortunately she started running just as I passed her, and wouldn't you know it happened to be running the same pace that I was currently running. A lot of things started to run through my head. Like how can this women run with shit running down her leg? What kind of chafing is that going to cause if she continues to run for 7 more miles? Is that smell I smell what I think it is? I think I'm going to be sick!!! After a mile of pure running hell I slowed a little and let the Speedy Turd get far away from me.

Obstacle #7: About that time I reached mile marker 7 and was caught by the 9 minute mile pacer. I thought to myself, after all I've been through today if I could just stay with this dude I would have my sub-2 hour half in the bag. Much to my dismay after mile 8 the pacer dude told me that somehow he was off his intended pace and did not know how far behind he was. Seriously, how in the fuck do you sign up to pace a race and somehow not know even how far off pace you are? What a Dick wad!!! I again frantically picked up my pace and ventured off solo. Around mile 9 I started to lose energy and was scheduled for another round of "GU". Remembering my experience back at mile 4 I decided to skip the gel and try Gatorade and water at the next stop. At this point I was having a hard time just swallowing water. My pace continued to drop. My fast pace at the start was beginning to take its toll. Miles 10 thru 13 seemed to last a lifetime. Around a half a mile from the end the 9 minute "off pace Dick wad" once again caught up and passed by me. I was pretty sure that I had no chance of getting under 2 hours on this day, but I was damn sure that "Dick wad" was not going to finish before me. I mustered all the energy I had for the last tenth of a mile and kept "Dick wad" in my sights. We entered the museum grounds side by side and dueled to the finish line. I sprinted ahead of my foe and the final few feet as my family, "Holey Shit they showed up, seriously thanks for making it to one of the finishes of my races. I know it was hard making the 5 minute trip on foot over to the finish line from the house." proudly watched at the finish line. Eat my dust "Dick wad"!!! I seriously don't think "Dick wad" knew I was racing him. Well shame on him!!! I finished in 2 hours 3 minutes, taking another 4 minutes off my PR from WDW just one month earlier. I think if I could lose all of these obstacles,(excuses) next time I'll run that elusive sub-2 hour half. We will see next week!!! Look for my prediction sometime early next week. Peace Out!!!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

30th Blog, 1000 miles reached for the year, and I still haven't crapped my pants!!!

That's right folks this morning was a historic day, and no it has nothing to do with this election thing that seems to keep making the news. What is all hype about anyway??? The real news is that I pushed my mileage over the 1000 mile threshold for the year and even with my bad typing and grammar skills I have somehow managed to post thirty times on a this here bloggy thingy. Oh yeah, most importantly because I know you all care about this sort of thing, I kept my record of not shitting my pants during a run intact, all though this morning was a close one.

Two years ago not in my wildest dreams would I believe that I would run 1000 miles in one year, or even in a lifetime. To put the mileage in perspective distance wise, Sarasota to Philadelphia is approximately 1000 miles. Shit!!! If I would have left in January and started to run north I could have been in Vermont by Christmas. That would saved my family a lot of money on an airline ticket. Of course I would have had to buy 3 pair of new running shoes during this time, $100/pair, lodging and food for the year, and then the whole missing work for the entire year. Maybe this plan would have been counter productive. I don't know maybe with a little tweaking I can make it a goal for 2009.

As you may know I'm a bit of a number freak, especially with the number "3". That's why I was so thrilled that my "30th" post and my actual mileage for the year "1002.45" worked out in my favor. If I could have only done this post yesterday I would have had the perfect storm, at least in my deranged mind. In addition I'd like to point out it usually takes me about 3 hours to type the incoherent words you are reading in this blog. Embarrassing, but unfortunately true.

Last, and least, I once again found myself facing adversity on my training run this morning. Was it the heat and humidity? No!!! Was it a rabid dog chasing me for the entire run? No!!! Was the pace that my trainer set for me to fast and I struggled to maintain it for 7 miles. No!!! Three miles into said run did I have to stop and muster all my strength to walk, "quickly" back to the house in order to go fishing for some brown trout? YESSS!!! Sadly of all my accomplishment today this is the one I am most proud of. There were many a bush that were spared along the agonizing mile and a half trek back to the house by my will power and whatever muscles are used to stop the horrendous accident waiting to happen in my pants. I literally had a hard time picking up the newspaper in the driveway on the way back inside the house. But, I knew I needed to pick it up because that and our politicians are the only thing more full of shit than I am, even on this historic day. Peace Out!!!

Monday, October 27, 2008

13K Report "I managed a "69" all by myself" (I'm that good!!!)

Friday afternoon the family headed to Walt Disney, for a change, to take part in the 13K Tower of Terror Race at Hollywood Studios. Upon arrival we immediately headed to get our race packets, check into the Boardwalk Hotel, and then on to Epcot for some food. In October Epcot has a food and wine festival and every country has booths with samples of, wait for it..., that's right food and wine. We tried to hold out for the fireworks for the kids, but it started to rain minutes before the start so we decided to bribe them with sweets from the bakery back at the hotel instead. Saturday morning we dropped the two angels off with the grandparents and went back to Epcot for some more over-indulgence of food, and to ride some rides sans kids. About 3:00 we decided to go back to the hotel for a little nap before the race which was at 10:00 P.M.
After napping for a few hours we got ready for our race. My wife, I guess excited about her first race was ready in about 2 minutes, I on the other hand wanted to eat dinner then come back to the room for a shower and take my time getting ready. Around 8:00 my wife and I were good to go. All we needed now was my sister and brother-in-law to show up, they were also participating in the big race. Much to my surprise, Not!!!, My sister called around 8:00 and said they were stuck in traffic and still needed to go back to their hotel to get ready for the race. Seriously, the whole reason we came to WDW was to run in this race, you would think that maybe, just maybe, you would be able to show up on time for a race that's scheduled to start at 10:00 at night. It wasn't like you had to get up for a race at 6:00 A.M.!!! Do you think your tardiness might affect other people in the group that might actually be taking this whole race thing seriously??? I digress.....

Finally, around 8:30 we left our hotel and walked over to the race start at Hollywood Studios. Upon arrival at the race we all signed the guest register, checked my bag, and checked all the peeps that actually dressed for the event. I saw a rocker, an emperor and queen, The Joker, several Tinker bells, and last but far from least more men dressed as princesses, (or more queens). About ten minutes before the start of the race I left my race ready wife, OCD sister, and self centered brother-in-law and headed closer to the front of the pack. I wanted to get to the the 7 to 9 minute pace area, however due to the crowd I was only able to get to the 12 minute pace area. Note to people who think they are going to run eight miles even though they haven't run even one mile since Never!!! There is nothing wrong with lining up towards the back of the pack. Why make it hard for people who actually are going to run the distance. I was once of you and I feel your pain. Just do not complain when someone that you are holding up, after you burst through the start line and run at a blazing pace for the first hundred feet, then walk eight wide with seven other idiots comes up behind you and jabs an elbow directly into your rib cage. You had it coming. Not that I would do such a thing.

After zigzagging for the first 3 miles, I was able to get into a groove and run the race I wanted to run. I progressively went faster each mile, and felt good the whole way. I finished in 68 minutes and 47 seconds, which was just under my goal time of "69" minutes. I thought besides the walkers at the beginning clogging up the course, it was another fine Disney event. I especially like being able to ride the rides after the race until 2:00 A.M. I am also proud that my wife not only made it to the start line, for once, but her sub 2 hour race and her dramatic crossing of the finish line. I can hardly wait to she the photos of that finish!!! Oh yeah, my sister and brother-in-law finished also, about 20 minutes after my wife. As they say better late than never. Peace Out!!!

Saturday Race: 8.1 miles 1 hour 8 minutes 47 seconds 8:30 average pace

Tuesday: 5 miles 45 minutes

Sunday, October 19, 2008

"69" My Goal for Saturday Night!!!

I know what you're thinking you dirty minded bastards!!! "69"??? What a nasty thing to talk about on a blog that any Tom, Dick or Harry could read. Well, the "69" I am referring to is my goal time for The Tower of Terror 13K next Saturday night. As in 69 minutes, or 1 hour and 9 minutes. This would be a stretch as goals go, but I think if everything comes together and I get over my trend of recent stomach problems, it's doable. Maybe I should purchase some Depends for race day. Last year I ran this race in 84 minutes. Shaving off 15 minutes in a year would be quite an accomplishment. 72 minutes is probably a more realistic goal for me. But, I am still going to shoot for the "69". And it doesn't matter to me if I get it before, during or after the race. Peace Out!!!

Sunday 9.21 miles 1 hour 29 minutes 1583 calories 9:44 pace

P.S. --- Please don't call me a pig!!! It's Sarcasm People!!!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Thank Heaven for 7-11!!!

Today I was in my third training run of the week, which called for a 1 mile warm up, 2 miles @ 8:00 minute/mile pace, a 2 minute jog, another 2 miles at 8:00 minutes, and finally a 1 mile cool down. I decided since the distance covered was almost the same as the distance to my office what better way to kill a bird with two stones or three birds with one stone, anywho I think you get the idea... All was going to plan, up to the first two 8:00 minute miles, during the 2 minute jog I began to feel a rumbling in my belly if you will. I knew there was going to be trouble if I attempted to run the next two miles at my prescribed pace, so I went into search for relief mode. Unfortunately, it was 5:30 in the morning and I was at least a mile from anywhere that would be open at this time. I tried running again in an attempt to get to a facility of some sort in a faster time frame. This only aided in making my situation much worse and more urgent. I was debating making a deposit behind the nearest bush. I began to notice that there sure seemed to be a lot of traffic for this time of morning. With cheeks squeezed I decided to venture on and fight my stomach's urges. Suddenly a light appeared in the distance. Up ahead about a quarter of a mile was my salvation, thank heaven for 7-11, and would like to apologize for my stomach to the manager of this fine Establishment. Also, may I say you have one of the cleanest bathrooms I've ever encountered on a run.

Having taking the Brown's to the Superbowl I was now able to finish my run. I was proud that I was able to complete my training and that I also had not been a victim of the dreaded "Brown Mile" that has been known to happen to some runners. I witnessed this feat earlier this year during one of my races, but that story will have to wait for another day. Peace Out!!!

Wed. 6 miles

Fri. 7 miles

Monday, October 13, 2008

Training Week #1 "Done"

I survived my first week of workouts with my newly acquired trainer. I just received this weeks training schedule and I am up to the challenge. Another thing I already like about my new coach is that he is actually a badder writer than I am, if that's possible. Of course he's Brazilian and I'm sure English is not his first language. He has a slight problem with the letter "M", I think he has it confused with the letter "N". Example from this weeks training plan, Wed. warn up for 2 miles, 5x1/2 1min. rest in between cool down 1 mile, Fri. 9 miles confortable pace. Maybe, due to my size, he thinks I should warn things overhead that I am getting ready to make a small earthquake in the general area. It could just be he has issues with the letter "M". Or, it could be that my daughter has used up his allotment of this fine consonant. Let me see she uses a mumbrella when it's raining, she wants a mbaloon if she sees one at birthday party, and there is more butchering of the letter "M", but right now I just can't memember. AnyWHo...

My 9 miler on Sunday at a confortable pace was a hot one. My good ole friend Mr. Humidity was back and he did everything he could to make as unconfortable as he could on me. Later that evening some friends came over for a little dinner and swimming. It was great to see Steve, who is a wonderful and patient husband and his two beautiful and well behaved children Emma and Jack. Christa the overbearing, little big around the waist, "Kitchen Nazi" not so much. But, I guess Alisa likes her. Peace Out!!!

Sat. 4 miles 714 calories 44 minutes

Sun. 9 miles 1697 calories 1 hour 33 minutes 1 mile walk

Thursday, October 9, 2008

A Running Haiku???

Running was stagnant,

I needed some assistance.

A coach was hired.


That's right!!! I'm going to take this baby to the next level. Although I haven't actually ran a marathon yet, I want to be as prepared as possible. I'm not going to be happy to just finish the 26.2 miles. I want to know that I gave it my all and pushed my self to the limit. So I spoke to a gentlemen I met at the local running store and found out that he trains people specifically for running races. One women he trained actually qualified for the Boston Marathon this year. I also liked the fact that this guy was once a fatally obese bastard much like yours truly. I was trying to decide on a training program for my race in February and could not figure which was best for me, so hopefully a coach will lead me in the right direction. I also felt that I was stuck at my current fitness level and stopped improving. I know to others this is hard to believe because they think I look a little sexier every day. But, be that as it may I wasn't feeling it any more!!! Know What I'm Sayin, I know You Do GiRRRRL!!!

Needless to say I'm excited about having somebody to keep me on task. Also, maybe if I talk to my trainer about running I will no longer bore my wife with it. That way we can talk about whatever she been saying to me for the past 18 years or so. Just kidding baby!!! I've heard every word and let me also say that it's been the best 18 years of my life. Here's to trying to remain married until at least the end of the year. PEACE OUT!!!

Wed. 4.1 miles 42 minutes 731 calories

Thursday 3.5 miles 591 miles 10 minute warm up 2 miles @7:30 pace 10 minute cool down
(FAT BOY WAS MOVIN!!!!)

Monday, October 6, 2008

My Pig Apology!!!

It seems my last post disgusted one of my many readers. O.k. maybe my only reader, and since I have such a large fan base I can hardly afford to lose any more. Then I would have to comment on my own blog while pretending to be some anonymous loyal reader, and that's just plain sick. I guess using runners of the opposite sex backsides as a focal point during a race is "Piggish". I know I'm the only one in the whole world to notice that there are other attractive people, besides me, that live here on earth. I see the error in my ways and will no longer practice such "pig like" behaviour. I mean who knows where that behavior would lead to? At first I'm looking at attractive young women at running races, then I'm noticing the bulge in my almost 50 year old high school teacher's shorts while on a stroll with friends. Well this pig knows where to draw the line. So please accept this apology my one and only reader.

On the running front I dominated the roads again yesterday. I went for a 16 mile jaunt through the neighborhood, over the Ringling bridge, out to Lido beach, back over the Ringling bridge, through the neighborhood by the hospital, over the north Siesta bridge and finished on Siesta beach. The overcast weather was delightful and the humidity wasn't all that bad. While waiting for the wife and kids I watched the awards presentation for the Siesta Triathlon that was ran earlier that morning. It was cool to watch the people go to the stage and receive their awards. There was one triathlete I had a hard time taking my eyes off of though. Athletic body, nice abs, brunette hair, smooth hairless legs and what an ass. That Guy Was HOTTTT!!! Peace Out!!!


Sunday Long Run 20 miles total 16 run 4 walk 3300 calories 10:19 pace

mile 1 10:13 walked 4 miles: 1hr. 8 minutes
mile 2 10:19
mile 3 10:42
mile 4 10:46
mile 5 10:29
mile 6 9:56
mile 7 9:34
mile 8 9:14
mile 9 10:36
mile 10 10:39
mile 11 10:51
mile 12 10:54
mile 13 10:32
mile 14 11.01
mile 15 10:09
mile 16 9:22

Friday, October 3, 2008

WDW Tower of Terror Flashback #3

It was a dreary night in late October of last year. I left my room at Disney's Beach club and walked along the scary path that would take me to Hollywood Studios for the Tower of Terror 13K race. I have walked this path several times, mostly because my lovely bride and children force me to come to "The Rats Kingdom" seemingly every month. But on this night the path seemed different. Dare I say haunted??? Seriously??? The only scary thing about Disney is the outrageous ticket prices and ridiculous amount of people that visit everyday. To think, if you found a rodent in your house the first thing that you would do is put some cheese in a trap and try to snap Mickey's little neck. Well turn around is fair play people and Walt Disney World is one big trap full of cheese for humans. I Digress...

I arrived at the race around 8:00 P.M. and joined the crowd for the first ever Tower of Terror run, which was scheduled to begin at 9:00. Being so close to Halloween there were some very interesting costumes among the running crowd. Some of my favorites include, several men dressed as various princesses, Super USF Women (outfit included green tights and even a cape USF was 8-0 last year at this time), and one guy dressed as King Leonidas from the movie 300. This guy was true to character wearing only a sword, shield, loin cloth, and of course the ever so popular in 480 B.C. running shoes. They even called Leonidas up to the stage to give his "Lets all die for Sparta" speech before the start of the race. If I had the physique that this guy had I would had done away with the sword, shield, and loin cloth and ran the race totally nude. However, I remained covered up to avoid any harpooning.

The race finally started and I have to give Disney credit, that rat knows how to entertain. Along the 8.1 mile run there were people dressed in all white and looked as if they have just escaped from an insane asylum. It made the race a bit more comical and helped keep my mind off running. This was my first race that I actually had a plan and that I truly was in shape for. I had been running and walking for about 4 months before this race. My plan was to walk through the water stations, since the mileage fit in with what I was doing during my normal weekly running. Like the two half marathons I ran in previously I got a little caught up in the pre-race hype and went out a little fast. But, unlike those first two experiences I now had the fitness to overcome my fast start. About half way I noticed two women that were going about my pace, maybe a little faster. I remember reading that if you can pick something along the run to focus on and keep that focus it would make the miles go by faster and also keep you on pace. Well call me a sexist, but being 10:00 at night and a little lonely:-), I could think of nothing better to concentrate on than the two ladies running in front of me backsides, if you will. Say what you want, this definitely kept me going. When their asses sped up, and they did, my ass sped up too. I used this concentration technique for about three miles. The last mile I passed my focal points and gave it everything I had crossing the finish line. I finished in a respectable 1 hour 24 minutes and for the first time felt like I left it all out on the race course.

After the race the park is open for the runners and family, that purchased tickets, until 2:00 A.M. I stayed and rode The Tower of Terror, and Aerosmiths roller coaster then returned to the room to check on my sick wife. I think she was suffering from pre-race jitters and came down with something the day of the race. She was scheduled to do the Tower of Terror half that went off at the same time. Secretly I think she faked an illness so she could keep her record of signing up for races and no showing intact. We will see, she has under a month to go until her first race of the year, the second running of the Tower of Terror 13K. Stay Tuned. Peace Out!!!

Thursday 5 miles 48 minutes 838 calories 9:36 pace

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Past the Century Mark for the month "Bitches"

On this last overcast day of September I got back over the 100 mile mark for this month. It was a nice 4 miler that left me feeling optimistic about the races I have ahead in late October and mid November. I just need to settle on a marathon training plan in the next couple of weeks, because most plans I've looked at start in the middle of October.

I jokingly gave my wife "The Skinny Bitch" book last Friday. I think, actually I know, it scared the living shit out of her. I don't think that she will be partaking in any meat products for a while, or milk products for that matter. I have since picked up the book, and while not as repulsed by it I do believe some of the bitches thoughts have merit. I think we may try some of the bitches diet ideas. Those bitches have a writing style that I really enjoy reading. It's like being bitched at in a book instead of in person. Maybe I just relate to being bitched at. Who knows!!! The one thing I do know is I've over used the word bitch in this blog. That's all right I know you "Bitches" love it. Peace Out!!!

4 miles 41 minutes 721 calories 9:50 pace

Friday, September 26, 2008

Open Letter To: My Life Insurance Company

To Whom It May Concern,

I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to attempt to lower the premium my family pays for me to have life insurance through your awesome company. When my family initially signed up for life insurance many years ago I was in the worst physical shape of my life and could have been a stunt double for Jabba The Hut. I was recently scared straight by my doctor and have since lost close to 60 pounds and run 100 miles per month on average. I haven't been in this good of shape since my senior year in high school. Thus, my wife thought since I now look like a GQ Model and the way every penny counts in our shitty economy, what better time to have your company come back out and take some blood and urine and confirm that I'm no longer such a huge health risk.

I was saddened to find out that in your company eyes I am still a health risk and there will be no change in the amount we pay for my insurance. This does a lot for my self esteem. There are fatally obese people all over the world crying with me as I read your rejection letter. Well have it your way bitches!!! I will no longer run hundreds of miles per month. Fast food, sodas, candy bars and any other type of empty calories, Jason Back Baby!!! Let's party!!! I'm going to live it up. Liquor stores beware and hide your bottles of Southern Comfort.

I have a better idea. Have the committee that decides who is a high risk and who is not come to Sarasota one weekend. Hell, let me know what weekend and I'll pay for the plane tickets to get you here and even put you up at the Hacienda De Bennett. Once here we will all wake up around 5:00 AM on Sunday and go for a little 10 mile run or so. At the end of the run I would like to be re-evaluated by the group to see if I am still a risk.

Do I think there is a snowballs chance in hell that you will be making flight arrangements to Florida. Shit No!!! You pussies are in the odds business and you only know how to judge people from a no good report on an eight by eleven and a half piece of paper. The report is based solely on statistics that does not take in account the many different human body types that people could have. I'm sure the test would find over 80% of the NFL players as high risk for health insurance based on their body types.

In closing, I will be eagerly awaiting the dates when you are available to accept my challenge. Until then I will continue to improve myself and think that insurance companies are one of the many things that are screwed up in our country. Oh Yeah, Go Fuck Yourself!!! I had to fast for 12 hours to retake that test assholes. Peace Out!!!

Thursday: 4 miles 36 minutes 686 calories

Friday: 5.37 miles 56 minutes 937 calories

Monday, September 22, 2008

Last Run of the Summer!!! Will someone PLEASE let the humidity know???

At last my final long run of the summer season. I could actually feel the change in the temperature on Sunday morning. The humidity on the other hand is still alive and kicking. Just ask my sweat soaked running gear about 15 minutes into the run. I also was only able to run 14 miles before I ran out of Gatorade and water. This has been the norm all summer for me. Hopefully once the humidity drops to a level where I don't have to stop to wring out my socks every 6 miles, I'll be able to stretch my runs to miles unknown. That would be anywhere past 16 miles. I also am counting on my pace per mile to improve. Back in Feb. during my first half of the year at Disney 9:30 minute/mile was a very comfortable pace for me. This summer 10 min./mile was pushing it and 10 and a half to eleven were probably what I averaged. Oh well, we will see how it plays out as the 13K at the end of Oct. and the half in Nov. quickly approach. I ran the 13K in 1hour 24 minutes last year and think I'm capable of knocking off at least 12 minutes of that time. Secretly, I would like to finish the 13K in 1 hour 9 minutes and finally on my third and final attempt of the year knock off a sub 2 hour half in Ft. Lauderdale.

These are goals that are in my reach. I just need the perfect conditions to play out to obtain them. So, if your listening Mr. Humidity, please go away until next summer. Peace Out!!!

Sunday 15.6 miles run 14 miles 10:30 pace walk 1.6 miles

Friday, September 19, 2008

Half Marathon Flashback #2

Scene: Sarasota Florida

Good old Sarasota home sweet home, what better place to attempt to run my second half marathon. The start of this race is literally a stones throw from my house. After my bloody nipple first half at Disney I vowed to learn from all my rookie mistakes. Let's see how that worked for me.

The first thing I learned from my first experience is that actually training would probably be a good idea. At this point I was still the size of an infant elephant and eating like a full grown one. I don't remember thinking that my weight was an issue though. I figured if I could just run now every so often that would be enough training. Secondly, I needed some music to listen to for inspiration during my runs. That's what I saw a majority of the runners at Disney doing, so it must be the way to go. So I purchased some tunes for my runs and was ready to hit the road.
The last thing I noticed about most of the other runners in my first half was their attire. Most had on shirts designed for running made of materials that wicken the sweat away from their body thus keeping the friction to a minimum. This seemed like a better idea than the nipple grater cotton shirt that I wore during my first half.

In my mind these were the three elements that were keeping me from running greatness. Unfortunately my mind was writing checks that my fatally obese body was not able to cash. Come to find out I still have a lot of learning to do as far as running goes. Weeks before the half I did manage to run a few times. No where near the amount I should have, but better than I did my first go around for Disney. About a week before the half I came down with a cold and was unable to run at all. Once again my mind told my body, "Don't worry fat ass. Just show up on race day and run slow and steady the race atmosphere itself will get you to the finish line".

Race morning I was feeling cured from my recent cold and seemed ready for what lied ahead of me. Just being around the other runners at 5:30 in the morning had my adrenaline pumping. My body was starting to think that maybe my mind was right. Just like the first race I started to get caught up in the pre-race hype and believe I would be the first almost three hundred pound man to win a half marathon. My mind quickly reminded my body of its bloody nips and the two weeks of limping around after the Disney half. Today we take nice and easy. The goal for this half was to finish and improve on the 3 hour 15 minute of torture that was the WDW half marathon. Sarasota's half was definitely different than Disney's. First of all there were 17,000 runners at WDW and only 2,700 in Sarasota. The temperature was also much better in Sarasota on race day. It was in the mid 60's, Disney was in the mid 70's on race day. I think I like the feel of the smaller crowd in Sarasota. It was easier not to get caught up in the pre-race hype, and there would be less people to have to swerve around at the beginning of the race. Not that at my 13 minute/mile pace that I was going to be passing very many people.

The first miles of the race I was able to stick to my slow and steady plan. I had my inspirational tunes playing and was enjoying my race. In fact, the only time I remember some fighting between mind and body was when an older lady zoomed by me walking faster than my pace. My body not happy with this obvious steroid enhanced old lady passing by wanted to pick up the pace. Thankfully my mind remained in control and we continued at our turtles pace. At mile 9 I started to notice a slight soreness in my right calve. I remained calm and figured that it was nothing, besides I only had another 4 miles to go to crush my first half time. Up to this point I had kept moving at my slow speed without stopping once. This was the farthest I have ever went without stopping. Usually when training I would only run a mile at a time and walk in between. I reached mile ten and knew that the pain in my right calve, that was now also in my left calve, was not going to stop and I was not going to be able to run any longer. My time at mile ten was 2 hours 10 minutes, exactly the slow pace I was trying to keep. I started to walk the final 3.1 miles and honestly, it was more of a hobble. I thought I would never get to the finish, it seemed that every mile took hours to walk as I watched dozens of people pass me. I finally made to the finish area and attempted to fake a run for the finish. I saw that my time was actually 1 minute slower than it was at WDW. I remember feeling that maybe that this is the best I can run and I'm just not cut out to be a long distance runner. I tried to find my family for about a half an hour, but like my first half there was not to be a Bennett family cheering section for me. I guess they were probably too embarrassed to be associated with such a poor excuse of a runner. Hell, I don't blame them that's the feeling I came away with from my second half attempt. At least my nipples were spared this time, thanks to tape and the right clothing. Once again it took about two weeks before I could walk normally again. I promised myself that I would never run again. Or, at least until my stupid doctor scares me straight by telling me I'm fatally obese later in the year.
Peace Out!!!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Walt Disney!!! The greatest place in the world!!! To have a hangover???

Yes ladies and gentlemen on Friday night I either jumped back on, or off the wagon again, but I'm not sure which one. I can tell you I consumed a bottle of Southern Comfort and a bottle of Capt. Morgan in a little less than 6 hours time at my friends card game. I can also tell you on Saturday morning I was in no mood to make the seemingly monthly pilgrimage to Walt Disney World at 7:00 in the morning. None the less a rose from the couch, showered, stacked some clothes up for packing, and oh yeah made sure I packed all my running gear. Even in my dizzy state I made double sure I had all the running gear? I told you my problems run deep. My loved one said she would drive because of my still half conscious state, but somehow I ended up behind the wheel. You see, my wife offering to drive is just her way of telling me I should have stayed sober and been home at a decent time to leave in the morning. She had no intention of driving, and it's probably for the better because her driving probably would have made me toss my cookies. I spent the next several hours sipping on 7-11 coffee and burping a combination of SOCO & Capt. Delicious!!!!

We finally made to WDW, dropped the car off at the hotel and headed to the Magic Kingdom. To get to our destination we had to take a boat. I don't recall the boat being so rough on past visits as it was this time. I really could have used some Dramamine for the ten minute ride. Of course there are a lot of things I noticed for the first time on this visit. It was really hot at Disney and I was glad that smoking was not permitted since I was sweating pure alcohol. There are a lot of rides that spin way to fast in one area in Fantasy Land. The It's a Small World Kids are even more annoying when your'e still half in the wrapper. The train that circles the park is the best napping spot in the whole park. Lastly, watching through your child's eyes the wonder and amazement that WDW always brings out in them is what makes it such a magical place.

By the way a special happy birthday wish to Jack and Emma, the real reason for our latest special trip to Disney. I hope you had great time and you have learned a lesson from your mommy's old high school classmate, that drinking and Disney don't mix.

I came out of my alcohol induced comma on Sunday and got an eight mile run and 3 mile walk in at the hotel before heading to Hollywood Studios. Disney should take some of the millions that my family spends there every year and really think about putting a dome over all the land they own and air conditioning it. Really??? Is that to much to ask??? Peace Out!!!

Sunday: 8 mile run, 3 mile walk

Friday, September 12, 2008

Running on empty

I ran to work this morning. It wasn't the most inspiring of runs, but i survived it. No thanks to the angry morning drivers along my path. I even went and bought a new running shirt that practically glows in the dark. I looked like a fluorescent highlighter magnified to 100 times its original size. I think this infuriated the drivers even more and they tried to aim at me.

About halfway into my run I started to smell the most wonderful smell. After a brief search, I found that it was coming from a mom and pop donut shop on Whitfield Ave. Let me tell you that place smelled FABULOUS!!! I haven't had one of those little gifts from heaven in over year and just the aroma made my stomach growl. I thought to myself, if I can trick my body into believing that I ate a couple of those donuts maybe it will go to work on burning fat off my stomach instead. Unfortunately my body is not that stupid and slowed down my running pace. My body knows when I'm running on empty.

I didn't do a very good job of preparing for the aftermath of this mornings run. I forgot to bring a towel for my shower and more importantly underpants. So I guess it's going to be free ball Friday. Peace Out!!!

7 miles 1 hour 15 minutes 1241 calories

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

9 Things about Me (SCARY!!! But True)

1. I am a bit obsessive compulsive, mainly with the number 3. I will go out of my way, whenever possible to make things add up to a number divisible by three. Example: If I am bidding a project for $71,000, I would add an additional $100 to make it fit into my crazy way of thinking. $71,100 or 7 plus 1 plus 1 equals 9. 9 is the perfect number in my opinion because it takes 3 3's to make it up. I also like to get out of bed in the morning at a time that works with my sickness. Example: This morning I woke up at 4:30, but I waited until 4:32 "9" to actually let my feet hit the floor. CRAZY HUH!!! Notice the use of 3 exclamation points and that I am pointing out nine things about me in this blog.

2. Ever since middle school I have had a complex about my weight. I think this started because of Pop Warner football. You see in order to play in the weekend game you would have to be a certain weight by game time, or you were not able to play. So, the coaches would have a handful of us big boned players, or (bbp) sit in a sauna during practices to shed away all of our baby fat. On the day of the game the, (bbp) would be pointed out by the opposing coaches as too fat to play, that's when the real fun began. In front of the skinny players, their families and worst of all the cheerleaders the (bbp) would have to strip to their underpants, or birthday suits in some cases, and get on a scale to make sure we were under the given weight. Can you say HUMILIATING???

3. I'm a warrior!!! Correct that I meant a worrier. I worry about everything, even though I realize most of the things I worry about cannot be controlled. I am working on getting better at this flaw because I don't want it to affect my children. Of course it could be hereditary and out of my control. Great!!! Another thing to worry about.

4. I don't usually drink alcohol very often, however when I do I occasionally go a little overboard. I can think of four occasions when this was witnessed by others. To protect the innocent and myself I will spare most of the details. Occasion #1, While working with a fellow friend and co-worker in Nashville we went out one night with a local golf pro he met at the golf course. She took my friend and I to a local watering hole where I attempted to run them out of Coronas, Budweiser, and Vodka. Thirty beers later and who knows how many bottles of Vodka, I woke up on the couch of our hotel room still dressed in my party attire. My friend and the golf pro were sleeping in the bed, probably dreaming about the round they played in the sack all night long. I am happy to say those two youngsters were married a few years later, and I like to think I had something to do with that. Who knows, if I could have stayed sober maybe I'd be a better golfer today. Occasion #2, During a trip to London for a friends wedding. We spent the better part of two weeks trying to run London dry of Stella's. Occasion #4, New years 2000 celebration downtown Sarasota. I drank so much, and so many types of alcohol that my wife actually made me buy the host bottles of liquor to re-stock his home. I also recall smoking one of the party goers bent up Virgina Slim cigarettes. Occasion #4, Superbowl party a couple years back at a friends house. Once again the bar was relieved of all of its drinky drinks. I woke up 10:00m in the morning still drunk, and not knowing who actually won the Superbowl.

5. I have only had one partner my whole pitiful life. Yes, I know it's hard to believe, but the only women I have ever been with sexually speaking is my wife. I came close a few times though. If you call being naked in a pool with another man close. I'm going to chalk that up to being a big misunderstanding among friends, see #4 above.

6. If sarcasm is angers little brother like Jack Nicholson Says in Anger Management, than I'm one angry son-of-a-bitch. I spend way to much of my time being sarcastic with the people around me. The problem is most people do not understand my sarcasm and it goes over their heads. That's all right with me, because it's really only for my own enjoyment.

7. I love running and if there was a way I could make a living doing it a would close the door of my company today. This is very unlikely to happen though.

8. I love Smoothies and Coffee and don't know how I lived without them for the first 36 years of my life.

9. I hate to shop, but I could go to Fit To Run everyday to look at shoes and running paraphernalia. While I'm there I'd also have a smoothie and walk down the way and have some wings at Leroy Selmons. Possibly seek out another sexual partner at Shapes Fitness. Peace Out!!!

Tuesday Run: 4.1 miles, 39 minutes, 704 calories

Wednesday Run: 4.1 miles, 40 minutes, 703 calories

Saturday, September 6, 2008

The week that was, and was not.

Monday, I took advantage of the day off and got an early 6 miler in to start my plan to run a fourth day every week. Friends came over later in the afternoon for a cookout and some swimming. We even had a baby swimming on his own, while four adults watched from arms lengths away oblivious that the child did not yet know how to swim. No harm harm was done, and I believe a good time was had by all.

Wednesday, I intended to go for a 4 mile run, but I received a call from my mother in law around 7:30 P.M. in a panic. It seems some, pardon my french, "No Good Fuckers!!!" smashed in the rear door of the condo she lives in. I know now that there are a lot of desperate bastards out there and times are definitely tough. My mother in law literally does not have a pot to piss in. In fact, the most expensive thing in the whole condo may have been the back door the assholes smashed. Anyhow, I spent the rest of the evening purchasing and installing a new door.

Friday, I got back on track with my new tradition of running the seven miles from home to work. It was a great morning for a run mainly because of the breeze from hurricane? tropical storm? Hanna. I do need to make some time this week to go and buy some type of running light, or reflective material before my next run to work. Early morning drivers have a hard time seeing my petite 225 pound body.

Saturday, the kids and I went for a ride in the kayak. We met Nana, Papa, and Nona for dinner, and then went to the "Worlds Most Smallest Classic Car Show" at the Sonic on US Hwy. 41. There were 7 cars, at the most. It actually took longer to get the kids in and out of the car than it did to view the cars.

Sunday, I went for a long run/walk. I had some bathroom issues during the beginning of my run. Lets just say I would have been better off carrying a port-o-let with me during the run. Around mile 8 my potty issues seem to go away, and then another issue arose. I started to get a craving for some Dunkin Donut coffee. So, I decided to make a 2 mile detour for some coffee. Coffee in hand, I then enjoyed a 6 mile walk to Siesta beach. The wife and kids met me at the beach for a quick swim and some sand castle making.

All in all the the first week of September turned out to be O.K. Even though I didn't get an additional run in during the week, I still managed to get in 29 miles. Not bad. Peace Out!!!

Fridays Run: 7 miles 1 hour 5 minutes 1200 calories

Sundays Run: 16.3 miles 10 miles run 6.3 miles walk 2522 calories

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Save Gas!!! Run to Work. (and if you run anything like I do you will actual produce your own, (Gas that is).

Just to catch up on this blog, I came ever so close of keeping my running 100 miles per month average up, but fell just a little short this month. I went into the weekend with a lot of momentum built up from my soon to be weekly ritual of run to work Fridays. I planned a nine mile run on Sunday that would have put me over the century mark for the month, however I pulled the old "outer bands from the hurricane passing by in the middle of the gulf" excuse on Sun. morning. I rationalized to myself that weather would probably get better later in the afternoon when the Russian hit man hurricane, or Gustav as the national hurricane people cleverly and less stereotypically named it, passed. Seriously, have we really ran out of good names for hurricanes? Arthur, Bertha, Cristobal, Dolly, Edouard, Fay, Gustav, Hanna, and Ike? The person doing the hurricane naming is very lazy if you ask me. It looks like they just enter any random nursing home here in Florida and ask for the patient list of people over the age of 90. Looking further down the list I see that a women with a name starting with the letter "N" could not be found at the random nursing home, so a name for most old ladies with grand kids was used instead. Nana!!! Well it's what I call my grandmother and believe me she packs a hurricane size punch. Just ask a server at any given restaurant that my loving Nana has come into contact with over the past few years. Anyhoo, I have seemingly went into a rant. The weather never did get better on Sun., in fact it only got worse as the day went on.

So I did not run on Sun. and I will have to live with the shame of falling short of my goal. What should I do to deal with this missed goal? Should I give up running completely? NO. Should I whimper like a little girl and crawl into bed with a gallon of ice-cream? NO. Should I blame my family, the weather, and the running gods? MAYBE. NO!!! I decided to try to incorporate an additional day of running into my weekly schedule. Besides, my marathon training plan is going to call for more running than the mere 3 times a week that I'm running now. Monday I ran 6 miles, so the additional running plan is under way.

Speaking of marathon plans, over the weekend I figured out when I need to start training for my marathon in Feb. I figured I need about eighteen weeks to train, so my training would start around Oct 13th. Now all I have to do is settle on a training plan. Any suggestions? Peace Out!!!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Father of the Year goes for a run

I should have known yesterday when the lady from the adoption agency never shown for the afternoon appointment I set up that it was a sign of things to come. The one time out of the seven my son has been taken to kindergarten in his short career by his loving dad, he does not get a sticker put in his school work book. The teacher instead wrote this note in the school book, " Jake was not his normal self today. Did he get enough sleep last night? Or, was his father left in charge of him? Jake's mother if your reading this, please find Jake a suitable father. Jake is always on his best behavior when you drop him off in the morning". So much for winning father of the year.

On a brighter note, I did manage to get a run in last night. I think the running gods were punishing me for being such a bad parental unit. Or, maybe it was the heating gods, or maybe it was Lucifer himself. As my football coach from high school used to say, "It was hotter than a fox farting in a forest fire" out there last night. Peace Out!!!

6.13 miles 10 min./mile pace 1075 calories



mile1: 9:35

mile2: 10.26

mile3: 10:22

mile4: 10:38

mile5: 10:56

mile6: 8:28

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Take My Advice!!! Wear Condoms!!!

This morning I had the ultimate pleasure of getting my "Evil Seeds" ready for, and taking them to their places of learning. I rarely have this honor (read:punishment), and every time I am lucky enough to be called off the bench and into the game I am reminded why I attempt to leave the house as early as possible in the morning. Seriously, I would rather take an ass beating from an outlaw biker gang than deal with my two daddy hating children. I don't know how my wife does it every day. If she was to ever leave for any reason I would So be on the phone to an adoption agency. In fact, I already have an appointment with an agency this afternoon. I have to blame myself for being in this mess in the first place. You know being so irresistible, sexy, god's gift to the female race, and having sperm that swims like Michael Phelps. Oh well, the damage is done. Here is a brief re-play of this mornings events.

Setting: The Bennett residence
List of Characters: Jason (Great over-achieving dad)
Jake (Evil 5 year old junk food eater with runny nose)
Bryce (Evil 3 year old lying princess with wet diaper)

Time: 6:00 A.M.

Jason: Jake what do you want do bring for show and share day?
Jake: Something we don't have.
Jason: No buddy it has to be something we already own.
Jake: How about these three jets (red, blue, and silver)
Jason: You can only bring one.
Jake: O.K. I would like to bring the yellow one.
Jason: None of the jets are yellow.
Jake: When will mom be back? I hate you!!!
Jason:Bryce did you pee in your diaper last night?
Bryce: No.
Jason: Then what is that smell?
Bryce: Well maybe I peed a little bit, but it was an accident. I miss my mommy and daddy is not my friend anymore!!!
Jason: What would you two like for breakfast?
Jake and Bryce: When will mommy be back!!!
Jason: Spends next two hours asking questions and attempts to get the children ready.
Jake and Bryce: Spend the next two hours wishing for safe return of mommy and sudden death of mean question asking father.

Time 9:10 A.M. Morning fiasco is over. Jason also hopes for safe and speedy return of the mommy, preferably before this afternoons school pickup.

Not much to report on running front. Hope to hit the pavement tonight. Peace Out!!!

Monday, August 25, 2008

In The Spirit of the O"LIMP"ICS !!!

On Saturday night I watched the Olympic marathon for some inspiration for my scheduled long run in the morning. Before falling into a deep state of sleep I tried to imagine myself as an Olympic athlete. I thought to myself---Jason tomorrow you will make your country proud, no not by going to war against another country. That tradition seems to have grown boring and controversial to most Americans. You will make your country proud by competing against the best athletes the world has to offer and defeating each and every one of them. While you don't posses a chiseled body, the speed and stamina of a cheetah, or have any chance of ever seeing your face on the side of a cereal box you are the only hope America has at a medal. Well self---thanks for showing so much confidence in me. I'm up for the challenge. Now let me get some sleep, I'm sure all the imaginary athletes have been asleep for hours.

Sunday morning finally arrives and I wake up for my event, "The Run As Far As You Can Until You Run Out Of Things To Drink That You Are Carrying On Your Person Athon", the lengthiness of the title is an event within itself. It's 4:00 A.M. and strangely enough the rest of the Olympic village is still fast asleep. I head to the village's cafeteria for my pre-race meal of two granola bars and a glass of water. I then head to the lounge to digest my meal, put on all my gear, and meditate (read: fall back asleep). I wake up ten minutes before my event starts, do some light stretching, and head to the starting line. On my way to the starting line I hear a little voice calling to me. Could it be some last minute encouragement from friends and family? No, it's my five year old son demanding I turn the television to cartoons before I leave on my quest for gold.

I finally arrive at the starting line. Through the darkness I try to look over my competition. A loud bang rings through the air. The race for gold has begun. I take off at a blistering pace (11:00 Minute/Mile) and just like every other run I go on I find myself alone. Maybe I went out to fast for the other competitors, or maybe they are hanging back waiting for me to fade in the final few miles. My competition seems to know me all to well. The miles appear to be flying by. At mile five I see the first few spectators as the sun starts to shed light on the course. It looks like a prostitute that had just got off the clock, her pimp, and a homeless man with only one shoe sleeping on a park bench. I get the feeling that these fans could give a shit less if I win the gold. Or could it be that they are all secretly cheering for the Kenyan to win? At mile eight I get my first shout out, literally, from a surely soon to be sober gentlemen that zipped by in a car and yelled "You The Man". This gives me the the boost I need to keep me ahead of the pack.

Around mile eleven I start to hear foot steps behind me. Could it be that the pack has caught me? No, it's a lone runner (read:old lady pushing 60) she seems to be gaining on me with each stride. I try to speed up but this experienced runner (Old Hag) has brought her "A" game today. I have no choice but to fall behind her and pray that she trips and breaks her hip. Seriously, you old bitch, why are you shitting on my dream of Olympic gold? Good news the Geritol must have have wore off, grandma has stopped running and I have once again taken the lead.

I am now closing in on mile thirteen and realize my hydration sources are all but gone. I vow to reach mile fourteen and claim my gold prize. Besides I've had to pee for the last eight miles. At mile fourteen I cross the finish line and limp my way to the rest room. I refill my water bottles and decide to take a 4 mile victory stroll. Along my victory limp I noticed one of the other events is underway this morning. It's the "The Tandem Heavy Set Beach Run, Jog, Walk, or Crawl in Outfits That Do Not Fit Well Athon". To see these large athletes, and being one myself, working together as a team doing physical activity, that does not involve eating, gave me a real sense of pride. These dynamic duo's in my mind are the real winners this morning and I will be sharing my imaginary gold with each and every one of them. Peace Out.

18.15miles Run 14miles Walk 4.15miles 3019 calories

Friday, August 22, 2008

A Run Down Memory Lane

Along my 6 mile trek last night my mind began to wonder back to the time when my interest in running was sparked. It was some time in late 2006 at a family function hosted by my brother and sister in law. It was jokingly, at least I thought, brought up that we should sign up for the Walt Disney Half Marathon in January 2007. Sure why not, I used to be a pretty decent runner how hard could a half marathon be? I mean that's not that far. I could run that distance in my sleep. Sign me Up!!! The willing participants ended up being my sister, brother, sister in law, lovely wife, and myself.

Let the training begin, yeah right, can you say procrastination? Two weeks before the event I went to the mall and bought a pair of running shoes, or at least at the time what I thought were running shoes. I purchased said shoes based on appearance. I thought to myself, boy I'll really tear up the course wearing these babies. When in all reality they just added more weight to my already fatally obese ass. At this point of my life I was at the highest weight of my life, a mere 280 pounds give or take. I had been playing seven aside soccer for a couple of years, but those games were once a week and only lasted 50 minutes. I think I ran a total of 5 times during the two week span leading up to the half marathon. The last run I did was on the Monday before the half, and I wisely (NOT!!!) decided it would be a good idea to at least run, jog, walk, or crawl 10 miles before attempting the 13 miler on Saturday. I spent the rest of the week hobbling around trying to act like I was ready for the horror that awaited me on Saturday.

Race day I met all my relatives that were running at the start area at 4:00 A.M. My lovely and very wise wife decided against the whole waking up at 4 in the morning and running 13 miles in a circle for no apparent reason. While waiting with the masses of actual runners, approximately 16,000 of them, I began to get caught up in the moment. Not only will I finish this race I will leave all my relatives in the dust. When the race began I sped off like I was shot from a cannon. I was passing people like they were standing still. Move out of the way fellow runners I going to win this freaking race!!! I often hear about people running full marathons hitting the wall somewhere around mile 20. My wall came at an embarrassing mile 4. After mile 4 there would be no more running. I would not win the half as thought just mere minutes ago, especially since I saw the leader of the half heading back towards the finish at my mile 2, which was his mile 11. I now had settled on the fact that I just needed to try to finish.

Nine miles is a long way to walk and it also gives you time to observe things along the way. Like how most of the other runners had some type of plan of attack for the race they were running. And that an eighty year old women, a man on a crutch, several fellow fatally obese people, and a 12 year old kid all have way more stamina then I do. And that most people seem to be dressed more for the occasion of running than I am. By that I mean actual running shoes, (if I had a dollar for every asics I saw), shorts, socks, shirts and other running paraphernalia. The last thing I noticed during my agonizing stroll, at about mile 10, was that my right tit was bleeding. Who knew a cotton shirt filled with sweat rubbing on my nipples for miles would cause them to bleed?At least I gave all the spectators along the side of the road and through Epcot something to laugh about. I only saw one mother shield her kids eyes from the sight of the steady stream of blood running down my white (Why couldn't I have worn a dark one) T-shirt. I'm sure if you Google: cotton-blood- nipples-running-agony-idiot, a picture of me will show up.

I finished dammit, and that's all that mattered to me, at the time. I did my three mile walk of shame with my nips a bleeding and to add insult to injury was passed by my own sister in the last tenth of mile. My time, a blazing 3 hours and 16 minutes. I vowed I would never do this again right after finishing, however after recovering for a week I decided that I could do better and signed up for the Sarasota Half. That's a story for another time. Peace Out.


6.2 miles 10:22 pace 1082calories

mile1: 10:21
mile2: 10:15
mile3: 9:55
mile4: 10:36
mile5: 10:42
mile6: 10:23

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Fay Blows!!! I Blow Back???

Fay tried her darnedest to thwart my 4 miler this morning. I really do not have the body designed for running in the first place, you know slender, tone, and statuesque like. Mine is more like wide, flabby, and baroque like. And if there is one thing my body is not well equipped for given my over all massiveness, it's wind. Even though the winds from Fay were minimal this morning parts of my run felt like I was on a treadmill. But, being a strong and powerful runner I cut the wind like a hot knife going through butter, or maybe it was more like a not so sharp and large object cutting a cinder block. Either way, you can see by looking at the numbers below I'm a force to be reckoned with in the running community. Peace Out!!!



4 miles 34 minutes 8:30 pace 685 calories

mile 1: 8:49

mile 2: 8:18

mile 3: 8:33

mile 4: 8:34

Monday, August 18, 2008

Fay Fay Go Away --- You Beoch!!!

Well it took a while but we are having our first real threat of a tropical storm/hurricane in the likes of the crotchety old Fay. I mean Fay? Is that really the best name we could come up with at the national weather center, or wherever these types of names are dreamt up? Of course living here in southwest Florida I'm sure there is at least one blue hair named Fay in every trailer park from Tampa to Naples. I bet if you ask any of them there is nothing in this world that would make them more proud than having a storm with their namesake buzzing by the old trailer park and turning it into a wasteland.

The worst part of this time of the year, being in the site work business, is all the time that is lost. There is lost time before the storm to prepare for the storm. Then you have the actual time lost while the storm makes its way through the area. Finally, the time lost to either fix all of the things the storm damaged, or to just undo all the preparation you did days before the storm. All this time adds up, usually to be at least one week of time that can neither be made up or paid for. The way the economy is right now there is absolutely no way with the competitive bid arena we are in that anyone has been figuring for time lost due to hurricanes. Oh well no need to cry over spilled milk. There I go again with the dairy talk, maybe I should have left the original blog name alone.

On the running front, I managed a 10 mile run to siesta key on Sunday. I stopped at good old 7-11 and purchased a coffee and a couple of bottled waters and decided to take a 4 mile stroll down the public beach. I noticed how still the water in the gulf seemed to be, a "calm before the storm" if you will. The beach was crowded as usual, mostly with people that should not be let outside with the beach attire they had chosen. Hey what I can I say, not everybody can be drop dead sexy like yours truly. On a related note I did see one potential trophy wife along my stroll, however she was playing hard to get by not even noticing me. Oh yeah, she wants me she just doesn't know it yet. Peace Out.

10 miles 1hr 45min 10:30 pace 1522 calories

Friday, August 15, 2008

A Boy's First Milestone

JAKE THEODORE BENNETT:

So you still sleep with a stuffed teddy bear and a pillow that resembles a tootsie roll. So you only will eat hot dogs, chocolate mini-muffins, pbj sandwiches, and any form of junk food snacks. So you occasionally like to wear a ballerina dress and add roller skates to really set off the outfit. So what if you happen to be a little tired you're more comfortable with a thumb in your mouth.

None of this stuff matters to me. You are my first and only son and every day you grow bigger and more like a little man. I am so proud to be your dad and I wish you good luck in all the adventures you are about to experience at school. Hope you have fun at school your first day. Peace Out!!!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

You can take the "Dairy" out of the man, but not his will to run!!!

Although I have a love for milk and all milk type products I have decided to change the name of my blog to "Diary Of an ex-Athlete" from the previous ever so popular "Dairy Of an ex-Athlete". Okay maybe the mistake in title was pointed out by someone. Someone who always points out all of my flaws and shortcomings "YOU BITCH"!!! If there was anyway I thought I could leave the title and discuss all things dairy believe me that would have happened. However, I find that dairy is a very limited topic that will be hard to blog about on a weekly basis, it's kind of a "one trick pony" if you will. Plus I'm pretty sure I have some lactose intolerance issues.

On a lighter note, and I mean that literally because I just did make it to the bathroom after my exhilarating 4.17 mile run. See It's the frickin "MILK"!!! Also you can notice the urgency of the situation by the way I sped up in the last mile on a run that was supposed to be at a relaxing pace. Peace Out!!!


4.17 miles 9:49 Pace 725 Cal.

Mile 1: 9:56
Mile 2: 9:51
Mile 3: 10:02
Mile 4: 9:29

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Tuesdays Training Run: In (BAD) poem form!!!

Ran four miles before the sun rose.

Felt like legs were full of lead.

My body sprayed sweat like a garden hose.

Should have kept fat ass in bed.

However, waking up is what keeps me fit.

So I will keep running every other day.

My body will get tone and I'll be "The Shit".

So hookers and call girls I will no longer pay.


4 Miles 36 minutes 692 calories 9 minute pace

mile 1: 9:25
mile 2: 8:43
mile 3: 9:00
mile 4: 8:42

Peace Out!!!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Long Run--- Means Weekend Fun!!!

Sunday I went for my long run for the week. Is Sunday the first day of this week or the last day of the past week? Oh well I am either early or late and being the creature of habit (read: superstitious with a slight case of OCD) that I am Sunday will remain the day for the majority of my long runs. Anyway, I managed to run 12 miles at a 10 minute/mile pace and I threw in an additional 1 mile cool down walk over the lovely John Ringling Bridge, or whatever it's being called this week. Not bad numbers if I do say so myself especially taking into consideration the heat, or is it the humidity? It really doesn't matter I blame both those bitches for the steady declining of my pace. I do feel if there was a way to carry more liquid on my long runs at a 10 minute/mile pace I could run a lot further than the 13 to 16 miles I'm doing now. I carry 22 ounces of water, 22 ounces of Gatorade, 3 GU packets, and a cell phone with me on my long runs. All these accessories add up to 5pounds of additional weight. This along with the 20 pounds of weight that I still need to lose and you can see my predicament. Once the beverages run out, usually around 13 to 16 miles this tall glass of water is finished running for the day.

A few comments to a few people I encountered during my run this weekend. I know none of these people will probably ever read this blog and that in itself is a reason to comment about you. Like you "Lady in your early twenties" running towards the top of the bridge. That wasn't a speeding bullet passing you near the top. It was me BEE OCH!!! I read a lot of running blogs and a lot of them are female runners who brag about passing male runners. The term they all seem to use for this rare occasion is "Chicked". Well young lady on the bridge considered yourself "Chunked". That's a new term I'm going to use for practically anything I pass along my run. That includes you "Old lady still running with cassette player". I "Chunked" you twice on Sunday. Oh I know your going use the whole I had to adjust my 10 pound radio and the whole old age thing. I don't want to hear it lady you were "Chunked", and you don't look a day over 99.

Finally, I love dogs so I can't blame you little Spud Mackenzie dog. I do blame your non-leash owning human counterpart. Next time if I come across you during the last quarter mile of my 12 mile run and Spuds chases after me for said quarter mile Spud's will more than likely be looking for a new owner. Peace Out!!!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Daily routine of a "Hot" runner

Come one come all on a regularly scheduled run with me here in the Hell Heat known as Sarasota. That's what the "Hot" in the title of this blog is meant to describe. By no means is it a reflection of the hotness of my physical appearance. In fact, besides the heat my lack of sexiness is the reason I choose to run so early in the morning. Any who, here is a step by step description of one of my daily runs for your enjoyment.

Step 1- Wake up at 4:00 AM and head directly to the bathroom area for some reading and to lighten the load if you will. After business time I slip on a pair of running shorts grab shoes, socks, and my garmin watch. I then step outside and turn on my watch and put on socks and shoes usually in that order. I then stretch for a few minutes strap on the watch and am good to go. Note: I have yet to run one step and I am already starting to sweat.

Step 2- Actual run. I always have a good idea of the mileage I want to cover depending on the day of the week, however since my watch keeps track of my distance and pace I am free to let my feet lead the way. This is great for me because I become board easily and this way every run can be a new adventure. On this particular morning my feet decided to take me for a 7.5 mile loop around the Sarasota/Bradenton "International" Airport.

Mile 1- Leave house and pass campus police station and head over raised cross walk over Hwy. 41 used by new college students. I pass the students dorms luckily (for them) they seem to all be asleep. This will spare them the expense of therapy sessions that they would have needed after seeing me running shirtless.

Mile 2&3- Exit campus and head down University Pkwy towards Old US 41. At this point of the run I've decided that somebody should throw in a street light or two along this section of roadway. Holy Shit it's dark!!! The only form of lighting on this stretch of road was the one street signal which happen to be in the middle of mile 2 and 3. Note to self: purchase running light if this is going to become a regular running route.

Mile 3&4- This stretch is down Old US 41 towards Tallevast Rd. I really have a good pace going for me at this point 8:30/mile. There are no sidewalks on this stretch of the run, but there is a bike lane. It also has the most traffic this time of morning for some reason. Note to Mr. Get Ur Dunn pickemuptruck man: there is at least three lanes for you to choose from besides the two feet of bike lane, but that's okay I don't mind diving in the grass to give you ample room to get by.

Mile 5&6- Tallevast Rd. and back down US 41 towards raised cross walk. I am starting to slow down due to a stitch in my side, lack of hydration, and my shorts and socks being totally soaked.

Mile 7&7.5- On top of cross walk and back to house. As soon as I get to the top of the cross walk I am blocked by the University maintenance man in his golf cart. He seems to be enjoying his cigarette and zig zagging back in forth so I can't pass him. I have no choice but to stop running and decide to use the last .25 miles as a cool down. When I arrive home I immediately peel off my shorts and socks and attempt to stop sweating. I usually stop sweating somewhere about 8:00 P.M. Here is how the miles paced out. Peace Out.

Mile1: 9:24
Mile2: 8:58
Mile3: 8:45
Mile4: 8:55
Mile5: 9:31
Mile6: 9:49
Mile7: 10:48
Mile 7.5:10:45

7.5Miles 9:32 Avg pace 1276 cal burned