I promise this will be my final installment of the ever so popular flashback of races, mainly because it's the last of the races that I have participated in. Yes my racing career has been that short and pitiful.
Race #1 Walt "Freaking" Disney World half marathon: This was my second attempt at this race, however this time I actually somewhat trained for the event. Unlike last year, I no longer had the family to run with me for motivation though. My brother, his wife, and his sister in law moved on to the full marathon, because they thought the medal for finishing would be much cooler. Note: It actually was a really cool medal, although I felt personally if or when I decide to do a full I don't just want to finish for a medal, I want to actually do my best. Weird Huh!!! My sister who also ran the half last year went back to being an out of shape loser!!! Jodie, if you do happen to read this you know I kid, I'm a kidder!!! Seriously, get your fat ass on that treadmill or let me have the damn thing!!! I'll actually use it. Anywhoooo!!!!
I showed at 4:00 in the morning with 13,000 of my closes friends and waited, (slept), in the Epcot parking lot for the 6:00 start. Of course, not knowing what my capabilities were going to be when signing up for this race a year in advance, I was in the last starting corral. My group crossed the start line around 6:30. At the beginning I kept under control and stayed focused on not going out as fast as I did in my previous two halves. I felt good the entire run and think I passed approximately 9000 people. This was my first half that I was able to run the entire distance. I actually kept about the same pace the entire way. I learned to use athletic tape over my nips, so I didn't have the blood stream like I so proudly displayed running down my white T-shirt in last years race. Finally, the best thing about this race compared to the previous, I could actually walk after the finish and the days following. Oh Yeah, my last recollection of the race, my wife and kids made it three for three in not showing up to watch me cross the finish line. Now that's a commitment!!! Finish time 2:07, 1 hour and 9 minutes faster than 2007!!!
Race #2 Sarasota Half "red tide" Grouper run: After having such a great race at WDW, I was optimistic that I could knock off a few minutes and run a sub-2 hour half. Little did I know there would be some obstacles, (excuses), I would have to overcome. Obstacle #1: The company my wife and I own completed a prestigious job for the historic Sarasota Opera House and naturally the grand opening was the night before the running of my half marathon. This meant we would be getting all dolled up and staying out late to watch a full opera and sit down to a fancy dinner afterwards. Lord knows my wife had to stick around to see what the dessert would look like. Obstacle#2: After finally getting to bed after our night on the town and settling into bed around midnight, I woke up around 2:00 and could hardly swallow. You would have thought I sung at the freaking opera!!! I thought maybe if I took a warm shower my throat would feel better. That did nothing for my throat, but did a good job of keeping me from going back to sleep. Having just under 4 hours until the start of the race, which is a three minute walk from our house gives a worrier like myself a lot of time to think. In fact it was enough time to make me doubt weather I could even run the race at all. I got so worked up I gave myself a stomach ache to compliment my already sore throat. I talked myself into getting dressed and decided to take the short walk to the start of the race.
Upon arrival I ran into one of my high school classmates,(Gena) that was also running the half. There was actually 4 of us from my high school running on this day, along with Gena and I, Patti and Mark were also braving the course. I talked with Gena for about 20 minutes, and then realized that I needed to check out one of the few Port-o-Potties spread out around the starting area.(Obstacle #3) The race was set to start in 10 minutes and my dumb ass waited up to this point to go take care of my business. Maybe I should have went during the four hours a sat at home waiting for the start of the race. Now everybody and their family were in line to use the crappers. I decided to go to the furthest bathroom I could see. Well I guess everybody else had the same idea, so I settled into the line and watched the countdown to the start of the race tick down from afar. This by the way did not help me feel any better, rather even more rushed and anxious. I wanted to line up with the 9 minute mile pace team, however by the time I finally let the dew fall from the lily all the pace teams and just about everybody else had already began racing. So, I did what I'm sure any calm runner would do and ran like a bat out of hell to try to catch the 9 minute pace team. (Obstacle #4) I was now off and running and unfortunately for me at a 8:30 pace, which was way faster than my fat ass should have been going. Around mile 4 I caught up and passed,(unwisely)the 9 mile pacers and continued running like a mad man. This was about the point that I met the final three obstacles that would lead to my demise.
Obstacle #5: A little after mile four I reached the first water stop where I planned on taking a "GU" gel for a little pick me up in energy. For those of you that don't know the name "GU" basically sums up what it's all about. It's a thick gel that you squeeze out of a little packet that comes in different fun flavors and you usually want to wash down with water. On this particular day my flavor was Chocolate Outrage, (once again unwise) and after squeezing the packet in my mouth I realized with my sore throat it was not going to go down without a fight. It took about a half a mile to get the shit down, and the way my stomach was feeling I hoped it would stay down.
Obstacle #6: Speaking of shit, upon reaching mile 6 and starting to head to the peak of Sarasota largest mountain, The John Ringling Bridge, I spotted a women stopped who was obviously having even more problems than I was. It appears, scratch that, SHE SHIT HER PANTS!!! Well I guess her race is over. Hell To The No Sister!!! This women unzipped her running jacket and tied it around her waist to hide her soiled pants and continued the race. Unfortunately she started running just as I passed her, and wouldn't you know it happened to be running the same pace that I was currently running. A lot of things started to run through my head. Like how can this women run with shit running down her leg? What kind of chafing is that going to cause if she continues to run for 7 more miles? Is that smell I smell what I think it is? I think I'm going to be sick!!! After a mile of pure running hell I slowed a little and let the Speedy Turd get far away from me.
Obstacle #7: About that time I reached mile marker 7 and was caught by the 9 minute mile pacer. I thought to myself, after all I've been through today if I could just stay with this dude I would have my sub-2 hour half in the bag. Much to my dismay after mile 8 the pacer dude told me that somehow he was off his intended pace and did not know how far behind he was. Seriously, how in the fuck do you sign up to pace a race and somehow not know even how far off pace you are? What a Dick wad!!! I again frantically picked up my pace and ventured off solo. Around mile 9 I started to lose energy and was scheduled for another round of "GU". Remembering my experience back at mile 4 I decided to skip the gel and try Gatorade and water at the next stop. At this point I was having a hard time just swallowing water. My pace continued to drop. My fast pace at the start was beginning to take its toll. Miles 10 thru 13 seemed to last a lifetime. Around a half a mile from the end the 9 minute "off pace Dick wad" once again caught up and passed by me. I was pretty sure that I had no chance of getting under 2 hours on this day, but I was damn sure that "Dick wad" was not going to finish before me. I mustered all the energy I had for the last tenth of a mile and kept "Dick wad" in my sights. We entered the museum grounds side by side and dueled to the finish line. I sprinted ahead of my foe and the final few feet as my family, "Holey Shit they showed up, seriously thanks for making it to one of the finishes of my races. I know it was hard making the 5 minute trip on foot over to the finish line from the house." proudly watched at the finish line. Eat my dust "Dick wad"!!! I seriously don't think "Dick wad" knew I was racing him. Well shame on him!!! I finished in 2 hours 3 minutes, taking another 4 minutes off my PR from WDW just one month earlier. I think if I could lose all of these obstacles,(excuses) next time I'll run that elusive sub-2 hour half. We will see next week!!! Look for my prediction sometime early next week. Peace Out!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment