Dear Deceased Possum In Middle of Road,
I know due to your untimely death and being a opossum that you are probably not going to ever get a chance to read this. But Seriously, after being ran over by that car you couldn't muster enough energy to at least crawl, limp, or roll over to the side of the road? How pitiful!!! Did you do one of those, get half way across the road and see a car coming and decide you should probably go back the way you came from moves, that you and relatives have made ever so popular? How did that work for you? Word of advice if you believe in reincarnation and happen to get lucky enough to come back as a opossum again. If ever put in that same situation and half way across the street with a car barreling down on you, just keep walking in the direction that your already heading. Guess what!!! The distance you're traveling in is just as close as turning back, and you already happen to be heading that way. Even I know that and I'm probably only a few I.Q. points smarter than you were before the grim reaper came to get you this morning.
During our first meeting while in the first half of my tempo run when I mistakenly thought you were some type of clothing that someone threw out their car window. I was at full speed and in the same path as your rotting carcass. I'm glad that I wisely changed my stride at the last minute to avoid a direct hit. That could have made an already messy scene even messier. It wasn't until the second passing, (still your first) that I realized that the clothing was actually your smeared remains. Which brings me back to my earlier question dear opossum. They say that while staring death in the face creatures have been known to cling on to life until they can see the people they love one last time. Did I just happen to come along right after your mate and ten kids said their final goodbye? Or, were you alone in the world and never lucky enough to feel the love of another? If the second statement is true let me be the first to say that I shared a brief moment of sadness this morning in remembrance of you. That should make you feel better on the trip to where ever you dead varmints go when leaving this earth. Keep in mind the source though. I mean I am dedicating a whole entry in my blog to your parting. So, how crazy do I look??? Anywho...
In closing, I feel your eternal rest has somehow brought us closer together. Even though I actually never got a chance to know the real you. I've seen your insides, (literally) and bet if given the chance of being obliterated by that same car again, you would upon seeing me running towards you with great speed use what ever power you have left to crawl over to the side of the road. You would then look at me with your last breathe and I would glance back and let you know that it is O.K. to let go. Rest easy my marsupial friend. You will be missed. To bad the car didn't.
P.S.--- Could you let the suicide squirrel that ended up under our tires on Lido this afternoon know that he will be missed also. My Bad Man!!! Peace Out!!!
Tuesday: 5.6 miles 10 minute warm up 2 miles out 1st mile 7:32 pace 2nd mile 7:35 pace
Total time: 47 minutes 2 miles back 1st mile 7:34 pace 2nd mile 7:57 pace
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Open Letter To: My Self
Dear Self,
November is quickly coming to a close and it seems the year has passed by at warp speed. I mean can you believe next week is Thanksgiving? Well it is self, and you have a lot to be thankful for!!! Although it has been a struggle you're still in business, the family seems relatively healthy and you just seem to get more and more attractive looking by the day. I remember just two years ago you looked like Jabba The Hut's stunt double and probably had less mobility. Remember those days while naked when you looked down and could only see belly? It's reassuring to know now that all that time you did have feet and a penis for that matter. See!!! Definitely a lot to be thankful for.
You have also become a respectable runner in the past year. Although you put in the work, don't forget where you started from. This alone should be all the motivation you need to never become that lazy individual again. Never be satisfied with where you are in future training, but relish in the goals you set along the way. There will be days and races where you will not perform at your best. Consider these times life lesson and learn from them. Most importantly, and I mean this with all sincerity, please do not Shit In Your Pants!!!
By the way, all the above advice could probably be used in your day to day life. Oh yeah, give the kids hugs and kisses and remember you can never tell them "I Love You" enough times. This also could apply to some wives, but I'm unsure in your situation. Peace Out!!!
Thursday run: 6 miles 57 minutes
November is quickly coming to a close and it seems the year has passed by at warp speed. I mean can you believe next week is Thanksgiving? Well it is self, and you have a lot to be thankful for!!! Although it has been a struggle you're still in business, the family seems relatively healthy and you just seem to get more and more attractive looking by the day. I remember just two years ago you looked like Jabba The Hut's stunt double and probably had less mobility. Remember those days while naked when you looked down and could only see belly? It's reassuring to know now that all that time you did have feet and a penis for that matter. See!!! Definitely a lot to be thankful for.
You have also become a respectable runner in the past year. Although you put in the work, don't forget where you started from. This alone should be all the motivation you need to never become that lazy individual again. Never be satisfied with where you are in future training, but relish in the goals you set along the way. There will be days and races where you will not perform at your best. Consider these times life lesson and learn from them. Most importantly, and I mean this with all sincerity, please do not Shit In Your Pants!!!
By the way, all the above advice could probably be used in your day to day life. Oh yeah, give the kids hugs and kisses and remember you can never tell them "I Love You" enough times. This also could apply to some wives, but I'm unsure in your situation. Peace Out!!!
Thursday run: 6 miles 57 minutes
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Tag I'm It!!! Who gives a shit??? 6 random things about me!!!
1.) I'm actually a natural blonde. And yes I dye all my hair so the drape matches the curtains, or whatever that saying is.
2.) I was found in a grocery store parking lot by what I now know as my parents when I was only a few months old. Ironically, my brother was found in a dumpster behind the same grocery store years later. My oldest sister was actually brought home by my parents from the hospital, however they were just giving blood for cash and thought a new born could possibly rake in more money on the black market. My youngest sister was found in between a bank and an accountants office. Rumours are she was burying coins in the alleyway.
3.) I am related to Samuel Sewell, who happens to be the judge in Salem that got rid of that pesky witch problem they had up north way back then. Funny after all those years the Bennett men have been cursed to only be allowed to marry modern age witches.
4.) As much as I talk about finding a trophy wife, the truth is I'd never even bother. First of all it was to much work, but well worth it, the first time around. Secondly, if that's even a word, my wife is the only person who reads this trash that I take hours to type when I should be working.
5.) I am going to go out on a limb and predict that we are either heading, in or coming out of a recession. And someday we will have a black president. Possibly as soon as next year.
6.) Put in Turtle's situation on Entourage, I would have had a hard time leaving California. You know without ever having a chance to see Sea World and all!!!
PEACE OUT!!!
2.) I was found in a grocery store parking lot by what I now know as my parents when I was only a few months old. Ironically, my brother was found in a dumpster behind the same grocery store years later. My oldest sister was actually brought home by my parents from the hospital, however they were just giving blood for cash and thought a new born could possibly rake in more money on the black market. My youngest sister was found in between a bank and an accountants office. Rumours are she was burying coins in the alleyway.
3.) I am related to Samuel Sewell, who happens to be the judge in Salem that got rid of that pesky witch problem they had up north way back then. Funny after all those years the Bennett men have been cursed to only be allowed to marry modern age witches.
4.) As much as I talk about finding a trophy wife, the truth is I'd never even bother. First of all it was to much work, but well worth it, the first time around. Secondly, if that's even a word, my wife is the only person who reads this trash that I take hours to type when I should be working.
5.) I am going to go out on a limb and predict that we are either heading, in or coming out of a recession. And someday we will have a black president. Possibly as soon as next year.
6.) Put in Turtle's situation on Entourage, I would have had a hard time leaving California. You know without ever having a chance to see Sea World and all!!!
PEACE OUT!!!
Monday, November 17, 2008
The "3's" aligned, no #2, and a new PR!!! 13.1 Marathon Fort Lauderdale Race Report:
Well folks Sunday was a good day for a race. The numbers seem to magically align upon entering the fine city of Ft. Lauderdale. You see our hotel room number was 705 and my bib number was 60. How could things get any better??? I know I have OCD issues, but I think the race officials did this just for me. They decided to start the race at 6:13 AM!!! But Jason how does that fit in you're silly number "3" scheme??? You Doubters!!! It's simple if you add the start time of 6:13 to the distance 13.1 you will easily be able to see how the race organizers were trying to accommodate me. Jesssh!!!! Obviously I had "3" things going for me long before the start of the race.
I awoke for the race at 4:00 AM, which in retrospect was a little early since our hotel was literally at the start line. I followed my usual rituals of praying to the Porcelain God for forgiveness of my many sins, and hoped he would be a patient god letting me make it to the finish line without rearing his ugly turtle head. I then took a warm shower, got dressed, snacked on some peanut butter crackers, drank some water, and headed down stairs. It was 4:30, what was I to do for the next hour and forty five minutes? What any sane runner would do. I hopped on the hotels treadmill for ten minutes to see if I could possibly anger the Porcelain God. I was successful at pissing the god's off, and was able to let go of what little doubt was left in my system. I was now race ready!!!
The race started on 17th street and headed west towards Federal Hwy., turned north through the tunnel,(can't remember name) turns right on Broward which turns to Las Olas which takes you to A1A along the beach for the last 8 miles. I planned on starting at a 8:30 pace and seeing how that would feel. The pace was very comfortable for me and I felt like I probably could have pushed a little faster. I think the cool temperature helped with my pace. The only hard part of the whole run was the wind. Most of the race, approximate 7 miles, was in a head wind and being shaped like a sail on sail boat doesn't make this the best of situations. At mile 8.5 you turn around on A1A and head south towards the finish at South Beach Park. At this point the wind was finally at my back and feeling I had a sub 2 hour half marathon in the bag I decided to pick up the pace and shoot for my goal 1 hour and 51 minutes. I actually ran my fastest mile of the race in my last mile, (7:46 Damn Girrrl!!!) which probably explains how my family once again missed my spectacular leg kick to the finish line (1 hour 51 minutes). Don't worry guys there's always next year. All in all I have to say this was an awesome race. Well organized, not to big, plenty of water stops, scenic course. I'd give it two thumbs up, and will probably do it again next year.
Let's look at my Predictions/ Goals from my last post:
1.) run under 2 hours, check!!!
2.) no need, see #1!!!
3.) 1 hour 51 minutes, hell to the yeah!!!
4.) have fun, fun was had!!!
5.) Don't shit pants, The record and my pants are still clean!!!
6.) Trophy wife, My only failed mission, however with this economy I seriously couldn't afford one anyway!!!
7.) Peace Out!!!
I awoke for the race at 4:00 AM, which in retrospect was a little early since our hotel was literally at the start line. I followed my usual rituals of praying to the Porcelain God for forgiveness of my many sins, and hoped he would be a patient god letting me make it to the finish line without rearing his ugly turtle head. I then took a warm shower, got dressed, snacked on some peanut butter crackers, drank some water, and headed down stairs. It was 4:30, what was I to do for the next hour and forty five minutes? What any sane runner would do. I hopped on the hotels treadmill for ten minutes to see if I could possibly anger the Porcelain God. I was successful at pissing the god's off, and was able to let go of what little doubt was left in my system. I was now race ready!!!
The race started on 17th street and headed west towards Federal Hwy., turned north through the tunnel,(can't remember name) turns right on Broward which turns to Las Olas which takes you to A1A along the beach for the last 8 miles. I planned on starting at a 8:30 pace and seeing how that would feel. The pace was very comfortable for me and I felt like I probably could have pushed a little faster. I think the cool temperature helped with my pace. The only hard part of the whole run was the wind. Most of the race, approximate 7 miles, was in a head wind and being shaped like a sail on sail boat doesn't make this the best of situations. At mile 8.5 you turn around on A1A and head south towards the finish at South Beach Park. At this point the wind was finally at my back and feeling I had a sub 2 hour half marathon in the bag I decided to pick up the pace and shoot for my goal 1 hour and 51 minutes. I actually ran my fastest mile of the race in my last mile, (7:46 Damn Girrrl!!!) which probably explains how my family once again missed my spectacular leg kick to the finish line (1 hour 51 minutes). Don't worry guys there's always next year. All in all I have to say this was an awesome race. Well organized, not to big, plenty of water stops, scenic course. I'd give it two thumbs up, and will probably do it again next year.
Let's look at my Predictions/ Goals from my last post:
1.) run under 2 hours, check!!!
2.) no need, see #1!!!
3.) 1 hour 51 minutes, hell to the yeah!!!
4.) have fun, fun was had!!!
5.) Don't shit pants, The record and my pants are still clean!!!
6.) Trophy wife, My only failed mission, however with this economy I seriously couldn't afford one anyway!!!
7.) Peace Out!!!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Open Letter to the City and people of Ft. Lauderdale!!!
Dear fine people of Ft. Lauderdale,
Thursday night my family and I will be visiting you for the weekend. If you happen to run into my family don't let on that they are actually in Ft. Lauderdale. You see they are conditioned to think if they are traveling in a car for over two hours than they are going to Walt Disney World. Little do they know the only Mickey, Minnie, Daisy or Donald that they have a chance to meet this weekend will probably be over the age of 90, and wearing Depends instead of costumes. Please play along with them, Disney is all they really know. Hell, if you would come to our hotel with balloons and popcorn our family would feel right at home and definitely pay top dollar for such items. Anywho...
The main reason for visiting your fine community, is the half marathon you are holding this Sunday morning. I want to apologize in advance for what my quick running pace may do to your fine roadways and landscape areas. You might want to have the local fire stations on standby on Sunday morning for the flame trail that I'll probably be leaving on the designated race course. Unless you see me the Friday or Saturday roaming with the locals, you will be hard pressed to see me on Sunday morning. Ever see a falling star??? You probably have!!! I'll look like that only much bigger!!! And No!!! Not because I'm really fat!!! Because I'm so much closer to you mere mortals than an actual falling star. I believe the running community thinks of me more of a "Rising Star", but enough about me. I will now make my race predictions/goals for Sunday.
1.) Run half marathon under 2 hours.
2.) Preform Hari Kari ritual at finish line if goal #1 is not met.
3.) My half prediction: 1 hour 51 minutes (Do-able, but would be an improvement of 12 minutes from earlier this year)
4.) Have fun during the race.
5.) Don't shit my pants, thus keeping my record clean ( so to speak)
6.) Continue to look for potential "Trophy Wives", what better place to look than the Ft. Lauderdale area.
7.) Keep streak alive of ending each blog with "Peace Out"!!!
Thursday night my family and I will be visiting you for the weekend. If you happen to run into my family don't let on that they are actually in Ft. Lauderdale. You see they are conditioned to think if they are traveling in a car for over two hours than they are going to Walt Disney World. Little do they know the only Mickey, Minnie, Daisy or Donald that they have a chance to meet this weekend will probably be over the age of 90, and wearing Depends instead of costumes. Please play along with them, Disney is all they really know. Hell, if you would come to our hotel with balloons and popcorn our family would feel right at home and definitely pay top dollar for such items. Anywho...
The main reason for visiting your fine community, is the half marathon you are holding this Sunday morning. I want to apologize in advance for what my quick running pace may do to your fine roadways and landscape areas. You might want to have the local fire stations on standby on Sunday morning for the flame trail that I'll probably be leaving on the designated race course. Unless you see me the Friday or Saturday roaming with the locals, you will be hard pressed to see me on Sunday morning. Ever see a falling star??? You probably have!!! I'll look like that only much bigger!!! And No!!! Not because I'm really fat!!! Because I'm so much closer to you mere mortals than an actual falling star. I believe the running community thinks of me more of a "Rising Star", but enough about me. I will now make my race predictions/goals for Sunday.
1.) Run half marathon under 2 hours.
2.) Preform Hari Kari ritual at finish line if goal #1 is not met.
3.) My half prediction: 1 hour 51 minutes (Do-able, but would be an improvement of 12 minutes from earlier this year)
4.) Have fun during the race.
5.) Don't shit my pants, thus keeping my record clean ( so to speak)
6.) Continue to look for potential "Trophy Wives", what better place to look than the Ft. Lauderdale area.
7.) Keep streak alive of ending each blog with "Peace Out"!!!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Final Flashbacks!!! A tale of two half marathons 2008
I promise this will be my final installment of the ever so popular flashback of races, mainly because it's the last of the races that I have participated in. Yes my racing career has been that short and pitiful.
Race #1 Walt "Freaking" Disney World half marathon: This was my second attempt at this race, however this time I actually somewhat trained for the event. Unlike last year, I no longer had the family to run with me for motivation though. My brother, his wife, and his sister in law moved on to the full marathon, because they thought the medal for finishing would be much cooler. Note: It actually was a really cool medal, although I felt personally if or when I decide to do a full I don't just want to finish for a medal, I want to actually do my best. Weird Huh!!! My sister who also ran the half last year went back to being an out of shape loser!!! Jodie, if you do happen to read this you know I kid, I'm a kidder!!! Seriously, get your fat ass on that treadmill or let me have the damn thing!!! I'll actually use it. Anywhoooo!!!!
I showed at 4:00 in the morning with 13,000 of my closes friends and waited, (slept), in the Epcot parking lot for the 6:00 start. Of course, not knowing what my capabilities were going to be when signing up for this race a year in advance, I was in the last starting corral. My group crossed the start line around 6:30. At the beginning I kept under control and stayed focused on not going out as fast as I did in my previous two halves. I felt good the entire run and think I passed approximately 9000 people. This was my first half that I was able to run the entire distance. I actually kept about the same pace the entire way. I learned to use athletic tape over my nips, so I didn't have the blood stream like I so proudly displayed running down my white T-shirt in last years race. Finally, the best thing about this race compared to the previous, I could actually walk after the finish and the days following. Oh Yeah, my last recollection of the race, my wife and kids made it three for three in not showing up to watch me cross the finish line. Now that's a commitment!!! Finish time 2:07, 1 hour and 9 minutes faster than 2007!!!
Race #2 Sarasota Half "red tide" Grouper run: After having such a great race at WDW, I was optimistic that I could knock off a few minutes and run a sub-2 hour half. Little did I know there would be some obstacles, (excuses), I would have to overcome. Obstacle #1: The company my wife and I own completed a prestigious job for the historic Sarasota Opera House and naturally the grand opening was the night before the running of my half marathon. This meant we would be getting all dolled up and staying out late to watch a full opera and sit down to a fancy dinner afterwards. Lord knows my wife had to stick around to see what the dessert would look like. Obstacle#2: After finally getting to bed after our night on the town and settling into bed around midnight, I woke up around 2:00 and could hardly swallow. You would have thought I sung at the freaking opera!!! I thought maybe if I took a warm shower my throat would feel better. That did nothing for my throat, but did a good job of keeping me from going back to sleep. Having just under 4 hours until the start of the race, which is a three minute walk from our house gives a worrier like myself a lot of time to think. In fact it was enough time to make me doubt weather I could even run the race at all. I got so worked up I gave myself a stomach ache to compliment my already sore throat. I talked myself into getting dressed and decided to take the short walk to the start of the race.
Upon arrival I ran into one of my high school classmates,(Gena) that was also running the half. There was actually 4 of us from my high school running on this day, along with Gena and I, Patti and Mark were also braving the course. I talked with Gena for about 20 minutes, and then realized that I needed to check out one of the few Port-o-Potties spread out around the starting area.(Obstacle #3) The race was set to start in 10 minutes and my dumb ass waited up to this point to go take care of my business. Maybe I should have went during the four hours a sat at home waiting for the start of the race. Now everybody and their family were in line to use the crappers. I decided to go to the furthest bathroom I could see. Well I guess everybody else had the same idea, so I settled into the line and watched the countdown to the start of the race tick down from afar. This by the way did not help me feel any better, rather even more rushed and anxious. I wanted to line up with the 9 minute mile pace team, however by the time I finally let the dew fall from the lily all the pace teams and just about everybody else had already began racing. So, I did what I'm sure any calm runner would do and ran like a bat out of hell to try to catch the 9 minute pace team. (Obstacle #4) I was now off and running and unfortunately for me at a 8:30 pace, which was way faster than my fat ass should have been going. Around mile 4 I caught up and passed,(unwisely)the 9 mile pacers and continued running like a mad man. This was about the point that I met the final three obstacles that would lead to my demise.
Obstacle #5: A little after mile four I reached the first water stop where I planned on taking a "GU" gel for a little pick me up in energy. For those of you that don't know the name "GU" basically sums up what it's all about. It's a thick gel that you squeeze out of a little packet that comes in different fun flavors and you usually want to wash down with water. On this particular day my flavor was Chocolate Outrage, (once again unwise) and after squeezing the packet in my mouth I realized with my sore throat it was not going to go down without a fight. It took about a half a mile to get the shit down, and the way my stomach was feeling I hoped it would stay down.
Obstacle #6: Speaking of shit, upon reaching mile 6 and starting to head to the peak of Sarasota largest mountain, The John Ringling Bridge, I spotted a women stopped who was obviously having even more problems than I was. It appears, scratch that, SHE SHIT HER PANTS!!! Well I guess her race is over. Hell To The No Sister!!! This women unzipped her running jacket and tied it around her waist to hide her soiled pants and continued the race. Unfortunately she started running just as I passed her, and wouldn't you know it happened to be running the same pace that I was currently running. A lot of things started to run through my head. Like how can this women run with shit running down her leg? What kind of chafing is that going to cause if she continues to run for 7 more miles? Is that smell I smell what I think it is? I think I'm going to be sick!!! After a mile of pure running hell I slowed a little and let the Speedy Turd get far away from me.
Obstacle #7: About that time I reached mile marker 7 and was caught by the 9 minute mile pacer. I thought to myself, after all I've been through today if I could just stay with this dude I would have my sub-2 hour half in the bag. Much to my dismay after mile 8 the pacer dude told me that somehow he was off his intended pace and did not know how far behind he was. Seriously, how in the fuck do you sign up to pace a race and somehow not know even how far off pace you are? What a Dick wad!!! I again frantically picked up my pace and ventured off solo. Around mile 9 I started to lose energy and was scheduled for another round of "GU". Remembering my experience back at mile 4 I decided to skip the gel and try Gatorade and water at the next stop. At this point I was having a hard time just swallowing water. My pace continued to drop. My fast pace at the start was beginning to take its toll. Miles 10 thru 13 seemed to last a lifetime. Around a half a mile from the end the 9 minute "off pace Dick wad" once again caught up and passed by me. I was pretty sure that I had no chance of getting under 2 hours on this day, but I was damn sure that "Dick wad" was not going to finish before me. I mustered all the energy I had for the last tenth of a mile and kept "Dick wad" in my sights. We entered the museum grounds side by side and dueled to the finish line. I sprinted ahead of my foe and the final few feet as my family, "Holey Shit they showed up, seriously thanks for making it to one of the finishes of my races. I know it was hard making the 5 minute trip on foot over to the finish line from the house." proudly watched at the finish line. Eat my dust "Dick wad"!!! I seriously don't think "Dick wad" knew I was racing him. Well shame on him!!! I finished in 2 hours 3 minutes, taking another 4 minutes off my PR from WDW just one month earlier. I think if I could lose all of these obstacles,(excuses) next time I'll run that elusive sub-2 hour half. We will see next week!!! Look for my prediction sometime early next week. Peace Out!!!
Race #1 Walt "Freaking" Disney World half marathon: This was my second attempt at this race, however this time I actually somewhat trained for the event. Unlike last year, I no longer had the family to run with me for motivation though. My brother, his wife, and his sister in law moved on to the full marathon, because they thought the medal for finishing would be much cooler. Note: It actually was a really cool medal, although I felt personally if or when I decide to do a full I don't just want to finish for a medal, I want to actually do my best. Weird Huh!!! My sister who also ran the half last year went back to being an out of shape loser!!! Jodie, if you do happen to read this you know I kid, I'm a kidder!!! Seriously, get your fat ass on that treadmill or let me have the damn thing!!! I'll actually use it. Anywhoooo!!!!
I showed at 4:00 in the morning with 13,000 of my closes friends and waited, (slept), in the Epcot parking lot for the 6:00 start. Of course, not knowing what my capabilities were going to be when signing up for this race a year in advance, I was in the last starting corral. My group crossed the start line around 6:30. At the beginning I kept under control and stayed focused on not going out as fast as I did in my previous two halves. I felt good the entire run and think I passed approximately 9000 people. This was my first half that I was able to run the entire distance. I actually kept about the same pace the entire way. I learned to use athletic tape over my nips, so I didn't have the blood stream like I so proudly displayed running down my white T-shirt in last years race. Finally, the best thing about this race compared to the previous, I could actually walk after the finish and the days following. Oh Yeah, my last recollection of the race, my wife and kids made it three for three in not showing up to watch me cross the finish line. Now that's a commitment!!! Finish time 2:07, 1 hour and 9 minutes faster than 2007!!!
Race #2 Sarasota Half "red tide" Grouper run: After having such a great race at WDW, I was optimistic that I could knock off a few minutes and run a sub-2 hour half. Little did I know there would be some obstacles, (excuses), I would have to overcome. Obstacle #1: The company my wife and I own completed a prestigious job for the historic Sarasota Opera House and naturally the grand opening was the night before the running of my half marathon. This meant we would be getting all dolled up and staying out late to watch a full opera and sit down to a fancy dinner afterwards. Lord knows my wife had to stick around to see what the dessert would look like. Obstacle#2: After finally getting to bed after our night on the town and settling into bed around midnight, I woke up around 2:00 and could hardly swallow. You would have thought I sung at the freaking opera!!! I thought maybe if I took a warm shower my throat would feel better. That did nothing for my throat, but did a good job of keeping me from going back to sleep. Having just under 4 hours until the start of the race, which is a three minute walk from our house gives a worrier like myself a lot of time to think. In fact it was enough time to make me doubt weather I could even run the race at all. I got so worked up I gave myself a stomach ache to compliment my already sore throat. I talked myself into getting dressed and decided to take the short walk to the start of the race.
Upon arrival I ran into one of my high school classmates,(Gena) that was also running the half. There was actually 4 of us from my high school running on this day, along with Gena and I, Patti and Mark were also braving the course. I talked with Gena for about 20 minutes, and then realized that I needed to check out one of the few Port-o-Potties spread out around the starting area.(Obstacle #3) The race was set to start in 10 minutes and my dumb ass waited up to this point to go take care of my business. Maybe I should have went during the four hours a sat at home waiting for the start of the race. Now everybody and their family were in line to use the crappers. I decided to go to the furthest bathroom I could see. Well I guess everybody else had the same idea, so I settled into the line and watched the countdown to the start of the race tick down from afar. This by the way did not help me feel any better, rather even more rushed and anxious. I wanted to line up with the 9 minute mile pace team, however by the time I finally let the dew fall from the lily all the pace teams and just about everybody else had already began racing. So, I did what I'm sure any calm runner would do and ran like a bat out of hell to try to catch the 9 minute pace team. (Obstacle #4) I was now off and running and unfortunately for me at a 8:30 pace, which was way faster than my fat ass should have been going. Around mile 4 I caught up and passed,(unwisely)the 9 mile pacers and continued running like a mad man. This was about the point that I met the final three obstacles that would lead to my demise.
Obstacle #5: A little after mile four I reached the first water stop where I planned on taking a "GU" gel for a little pick me up in energy. For those of you that don't know the name "GU" basically sums up what it's all about. It's a thick gel that you squeeze out of a little packet that comes in different fun flavors and you usually want to wash down with water. On this particular day my flavor was Chocolate Outrage, (once again unwise) and after squeezing the packet in my mouth I realized with my sore throat it was not going to go down without a fight. It took about a half a mile to get the shit down, and the way my stomach was feeling I hoped it would stay down.
Obstacle #6: Speaking of shit, upon reaching mile 6 and starting to head to the peak of Sarasota largest mountain, The John Ringling Bridge, I spotted a women stopped who was obviously having even more problems than I was. It appears, scratch that, SHE SHIT HER PANTS!!! Well I guess her race is over. Hell To The No Sister!!! This women unzipped her running jacket and tied it around her waist to hide her soiled pants and continued the race. Unfortunately she started running just as I passed her, and wouldn't you know it happened to be running the same pace that I was currently running. A lot of things started to run through my head. Like how can this women run with shit running down her leg? What kind of chafing is that going to cause if she continues to run for 7 more miles? Is that smell I smell what I think it is? I think I'm going to be sick!!! After a mile of pure running hell I slowed a little and let the Speedy Turd get far away from me.
Obstacle #7: About that time I reached mile marker 7 and was caught by the 9 minute mile pacer. I thought to myself, after all I've been through today if I could just stay with this dude I would have my sub-2 hour half in the bag. Much to my dismay after mile 8 the pacer dude told me that somehow he was off his intended pace and did not know how far behind he was. Seriously, how in the fuck do you sign up to pace a race and somehow not know even how far off pace you are? What a Dick wad!!! I again frantically picked up my pace and ventured off solo. Around mile 9 I started to lose energy and was scheduled for another round of "GU". Remembering my experience back at mile 4 I decided to skip the gel and try Gatorade and water at the next stop. At this point I was having a hard time just swallowing water. My pace continued to drop. My fast pace at the start was beginning to take its toll. Miles 10 thru 13 seemed to last a lifetime. Around a half a mile from the end the 9 minute "off pace Dick wad" once again caught up and passed by me. I was pretty sure that I had no chance of getting under 2 hours on this day, but I was damn sure that "Dick wad" was not going to finish before me. I mustered all the energy I had for the last tenth of a mile and kept "Dick wad" in my sights. We entered the museum grounds side by side and dueled to the finish line. I sprinted ahead of my foe and the final few feet as my family, "Holey Shit they showed up, seriously thanks for making it to one of the finishes of my races. I know it was hard making the 5 minute trip on foot over to the finish line from the house." proudly watched at the finish line. Eat my dust "Dick wad"!!! I seriously don't think "Dick wad" knew I was racing him. Well shame on him!!! I finished in 2 hours 3 minutes, taking another 4 minutes off my PR from WDW just one month earlier. I think if I could lose all of these obstacles,(excuses) next time I'll run that elusive sub-2 hour half. We will see next week!!! Look for my prediction sometime early next week. Peace Out!!!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
30th Blog, 1000 miles reached for the year, and I still haven't crapped my pants!!!
That's right folks this morning was a historic day, and no it has nothing to do with this election thing that seems to keep making the news. What is all hype about anyway??? The real news is that I pushed my mileage over the 1000 mile threshold for the year and even with my bad typing and grammar skills I have somehow managed to post thirty times on a this here bloggy thingy. Oh yeah, most importantly because I know you all care about this sort of thing, I kept my record of not shitting my pants during a run intact, all though this morning was a close one.
Two years ago not in my wildest dreams would I believe that I would run 1000 miles in one year, or even in a lifetime. To put the mileage in perspective distance wise, Sarasota to Philadelphia is approximately 1000 miles. Shit!!! If I would have left in January and started to run north I could have been in Vermont by Christmas. That would saved my family a lot of money on an airline ticket. Of course I would have had to buy 3 pair of new running shoes during this time, $100/pair, lodging and food for the year, and then the whole missing work for the entire year. Maybe this plan would have been counter productive. I don't know maybe with a little tweaking I can make it a goal for 2009.
As you may know I'm a bit of a number freak, especially with the number "3". That's why I was so thrilled that my "30th" post and my actual mileage for the year "1002.45" worked out in my favor. If I could have only done this post yesterday I would have had the perfect storm, at least in my deranged mind. In addition I'd like to point out it usually takes me about 3 hours to type the incoherent words you are reading in this blog. Embarrassing, but unfortunately true.
Last, and least, I once again found myself facing adversity on my training run this morning. Was it the heat and humidity? No!!! Was it a rabid dog chasing me for the entire run? No!!! Was the pace that my trainer set for me to fast and I struggled to maintain it for 7 miles. No!!! Three miles into said run did I have to stop and muster all my strength to walk, "quickly" back to the house in order to go fishing for some brown trout? YESSS!!! Sadly of all my accomplishment today this is the one I am most proud of. There were many a bush that were spared along the agonizing mile and a half trek back to the house by my will power and whatever muscles are used to stop the horrendous accident waiting to happen in my pants. I literally had a hard time picking up the newspaper in the driveway on the way back inside the house. But, I knew I needed to pick it up because that and our politicians are the only thing more full of shit than I am, even on this historic day. Peace Out!!!
Two years ago not in my wildest dreams would I believe that I would run 1000 miles in one year, or even in a lifetime. To put the mileage in perspective distance wise, Sarasota to Philadelphia is approximately 1000 miles. Shit!!! If I would have left in January and started to run north I could have been in Vermont by Christmas. That would saved my family a lot of money on an airline ticket. Of course I would have had to buy 3 pair of new running shoes during this time, $100/pair, lodging and food for the year, and then the whole missing work for the entire year. Maybe this plan would have been counter productive. I don't know maybe with a little tweaking I can make it a goal for 2009.
As you may know I'm a bit of a number freak, especially with the number "3". That's why I was so thrilled that my "30th" post and my actual mileage for the year "1002.45" worked out in my favor. If I could have only done this post yesterday I would have had the perfect storm, at least in my deranged mind. In addition I'd like to point out it usually takes me about 3 hours to type the incoherent words you are reading in this blog. Embarrassing, but unfortunately true.
Last, and least, I once again found myself facing adversity on my training run this morning. Was it the heat and humidity? No!!! Was it a rabid dog chasing me for the entire run? No!!! Was the pace that my trainer set for me to fast and I struggled to maintain it for 7 miles. No!!! Three miles into said run did I have to stop and muster all my strength to walk, "quickly" back to the house in order to go fishing for some brown trout? YESSS!!! Sadly of all my accomplishment today this is the one I am most proud of. There were many a bush that were spared along the agonizing mile and a half trek back to the house by my will power and whatever muscles are used to stop the horrendous accident waiting to happen in my pants. I literally had a hard time picking up the newspaper in the driveway on the way back inside the house. But, I knew I needed to pick it up because that and our politicians are the only thing more full of shit than I am, even on this historic day. Peace Out!!!
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