Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Past the Century Mark for the month "Bitches"

On this last overcast day of September I got back over the 100 mile mark for this month. It was a nice 4 miler that left me feeling optimistic about the races I have ahead in late October and mid November. I just need to settle on a marathon training plan in the next couple of weeks, because most plans I've looked at start in the middle of October.

I jokingly gave my wife "The Skinny Bitch" book last Friday. I think, actually I know, it scared the living shit out of her. I don't think that she will be partaking in any meat products for a while, or milk products for that matter. I have since picked up the book, and while not as repulsed by it I do believe some of the bitches thoughts have merit. I think we may try some of the bitches diet ideas. Those bitches have a writing style that I really enjoy reading. It's like being bitched at in a book instead of in person. Maybe I just relate to being bitched at. Who knows!!! The one thing I do know is I've over used the word bitch in this blog. That's all right I know you "Bitches" love it. Peace Out!!!

4 miles 41 minutes 721 calories 9:50 pace

Friday, September 26, 2008

Open Letter To: My Life Insurance Company

To Whom It May Concern,

I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to attempt to lower the premium my family pays for me to have life insurance through your awesome company. When my family initially signed up for life insurance many years ago I was in the worst physical shape of my life and could have been a stunt double for Jabba The Hut. I was recently scared straight by my doctor and have since lost close to 60 pounds and run 100 miles per month on average. I haven't been in this good of shape since my senior year in high school. Thus, my wife thought since I now look like a GQ Model and the way every penny counts in our shitty economy, what better time to have your company come back out and take some blood and urine and confirm that I'm no longer such a huge health risk.

I was saddened to find out that in your company eyes I am still a health risk and there will be no change in the amount we pay for my insurance. This does a lot for my self esteem. There are fatally obese people all over the world crying with me as I read your rejection letter. Well have it your way bitches!!! I will no longer run hundreds of miles per month. Fast food, sodas, candy bars and any other type of empty calories, Jason Back Baby!!! Let's party!!! I'm going to live it up. Liquor stores beware and hide your bottles of Southern Comfort.

I have a better idea. Have the committee that decides who is a high risk and who is not come to Sarasota one weekend. Hell, let me know what weekend and I'll pay for the plane tickets to get you here and even put you up at the Hacienda De Bennett. Once here we will all wake up around 5:00 AM on Sunday and go for a little 10 mile run or so. At the end of the run I would like to be re-evaluated by the group to see if I am still a risk.

Do I think there is a snowballs chance in hell that you will be making flight arrangements to Florida. Shit No!!! You pussies are in the odds business and you only know how to judge people from a no good report on an eight by eleven and a half piece of paper. The report is based solely on statistics that does not take in account the many different human body types that people could have. I'm sure the test would find over 80% of the NFL players as high risk for health insurance based on their body types.

In closing, I will be eagerly awaiting the dates when you are available to accept my challenge. Until then I will continue to improve myself and think that insurance companies are one of the many things that are screwed up in our country. Oh Yeah, Go Fuck Yourself!!! I had to fast for 12 hours to retake that test assholes. Peace Out!!!

Thursday: 4 miles 36 minutes 686 calories

Friday: 5.37 miles 56 minutes 937 calories

Monday, September 22, 2008

Last Run of the Summer!!! Will someone PLEASE let the humidity know???

At last my final long run of the summer season. I could actually feel the change in the temperature on Sunday morning. The humidity on the other hand is still alive and kicking. Just ask my sweat soaked running gear about 15 minutes into the run. I also was only able to run 14 miles before I ran out of Gatorade and water. This has been the norm all summer for me. Hopefully once the humidity drops to a level where I don't have to stop to wring out my socks every 6 miles, I'll be able to stretch my runs to miles unknown. That would be anywhere past 16 miles. I also am counting on my pace per mile to improve. Back in Feb. during my first half of the year at Disney 9:30 minute/mile was a very comfortable pace for me. This summer 10 min./mile was pushing it and 10 and a half to eleven were probably what I averaged. Oh well, we will see how it plays out as the 13K at the end of Oct. and the half in Nov. quickly approach. I ran the 13K in 1hour 24 minutes last year and think I'm capable of knocking off at least 12 minutes of that time. Secretly, I would like to finish the 13K in 1 hour 9 minutes and finally on my third and final attempt of the year knock off a sub 2 hour half in Ft. Lauderdale.

These are goals that are in my reach. I just need the perfect conditions to play out to obtain them. So, if your listening Mr. Humidity, please go away until next summer. Peace Out!!!

Sunday 15.6 miles run 14 miles 10:30 pace walk 1.6 miles

Friday, September 19, 2008

Half Marathon Flashback #2

Scene: Sarasota Florida

Good old Sarasota home sweet home, what better place to attempt to run my second half marathon. The start of this race is literally a stones throw from my house. After my bloody nipple first half at Disney I vowed to learn from all my rookie mistakes. Let's see how that worked for me.

The first thing I learned from my first experience is that actually training would probably be a good idea. At this point I was still the size of an infant elephant and eating like a full grown one. I don't remember thinking that my weight was an issue though. I figured if I could just run now every so often that would be enough training. Secondly, I needed some music to listen to for inspiration during my runs. That's what I saw a majority of the runners at Disney doing, so it must be the way to go. So I purchased some tunes for my runs and was ready to hit the road.
The last thing I noticed about most of the other runners in my first half was their attire. Most had on shirts designed for running made of materials that wicken the sweat away from their body thus keeping the friction to a minimum. This seemed like a better idea than the nipple grater cotton shirt that I wore during my first half.

In my mind these were the three elements that were keeping me from running greatness. Unfortunately my mind was writing checks that my fatally obese body was not able to cash. Come to find out I still have a lot of learning to do as far as running goes. Weeks before the half I did manage to run a few times. No where near the amount I should have, but better than I did my first go around for Disney. About a week before the half I came down with a cold and was unable to run at all. Once again my mind told my body, "Don't worry fat ass. Just show up on race day and run slow and steady the race atmosphere itself will get you to the finish line".

Race morning I was feeling cured from my recent cold and seemed ready for what lied ahead of me. Just being around the other runners at 5:30 in the morning had my adrenaline pumping. My body was starting to think that maybe my mind was right. Just like the first race I started to get caught up in the pre-race hype and believe I would be the first almost three hundred pound man to win a half marathon. My mind quickly reminded my body of its bloody nips and the two weeks of limping around after the Disney half. Today we take nice and easy. The goal for this half was to finish and improve on the 3 hour 15 minute of torture that was the WDW half marathon. Sarasota's half was definitely different than Disney's. First of all there were 17,000 runners at WDW and only 2,700 in Sarasota. The temperature was also much better in Sarasota on race day. It was in the mid 60's, Disney was in the mid 70's on race day. I think I like the feel of the smaller crowd in Sarasota. It was easier not to get caught up in the pre-race hype, and there would be less people to have to swerve around at the beginning of the race. Not that at my 13 minute/mile pace that I was going to be passing very many people.

The first miles of the race I was able to stick to my slow and steady plan. I had my inspirational tunes playing and was enjoying my race. In fact, the only time I remember some fighting between mind and body was when an older lady zoomed by me walking faster than my pace. My body not happy with this obvious steroid enhanced old lady passing by wanted to pick up the pace. Thankfully my mind remained in control and we continued at our turtles pace. At mile 9 I started to notice a slight soreness in my right calve. I remained calm and figured that it was nothing, besides I only had another 4 miles to go to crush my first half time. Up to this point I had kept moving at my slow speed without stopping once. This was the farthest I have ever went without stopping. Usually when training I would only run a mile at a time and walk in between. I reached mile ten and knew that the pain in my right calve, that was now also in my left calve, was not going to stop and I was not going to be able to run any longer. My time at mile ten was 2 hours 10 minutes, exactly the slow pace I was trying to keep. I started to walk the final 3.1 miles and honestly, it was more of a hobble. I thought I would never get to the finish, it seemed that every mile took hours to walk as I watched dozens of people pass me. I finally made to the finish area and attempted to fake a run for the finish. I saw that my time was actually 1 minute slower than it was at WDW. I remember feeling that maybe that this is the best I can run and I'm just not cut out to be a long distance runner. I tried to find my family for about a half an hour, but like my first half there was not to be a Bennett family cheering section for me. I guess they were probably too embarrassed to be associated with such a poor excuse of a runner. Hell, I don't blame them that's the feeling I came away with from my second half attempt. At least my nipples were spared this time, thanks to tape and the right clothing. Once again it took about two weeks before I could walk normally again. I promised myself that I would never run again. Or, at least until my stupid doctor scares me straight by telling me I'm fatally obese later in the year.
Peace Out!!!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Walt Disney!!! The greatest place in the world!!! To have a hangover???

Yes ladies and gentlemen on Friday night I either jumped back on, or off the wagon again, but I'm not sure which one. I can tell you I consumed a bottle of Southern Comfort and a bottle of Capt. Morgan in a little less than 6 hours time at my friends card game. I can also tell you on Saturday morning I was in no mood to make the seemingly monthly pilgrimage to Walt Disney World at 7:00 in the morning. None the less a rose from the couch, showered, stacked some clothes up for packing, and oh yeah made sure I packed all my running gear. Even in my dizzy state I made double sure I had all the running gear? I told you my problems run deep. My loved one said she would drive because of my still half conscious state, but somehow I ended up behind the wheel. You see, my wife offering to drive is just her way of telling me I should have stayed sober and been home at a decent time to leave in the morning. She had no intention of driving, and it's probably for the better because her driving probably would have made me toss my cookies. I spent the next several hours sipping on 7-11 coffee and burping a combination of SOCO & Capt. Delicious!!!!

We finally made to WDW, dropped the car off at the hotel and headed to the Magic Kingdom. To get to our destination we had to take a boat. I don't recall the boat being so rough on past visits as it was this time. I really could have used some Dramamine for the ten minute ride. Of course there are a lot of things I noticed for the first time on this visit. It was really hot at Disney and I was glad that smoking was not permitted since I was sweating pure alcohol. There are a lot of rides that spin way to fast in one area in Fantasy Land. The It's a Small World Kids are even more annoying when your'e still half in the wrapper. The train that circles the park is the best napping spot in the whole park. Lastly, watching through your child's eyes the wonder and amazement that WDW always brings out in them is what makes it such a magical place.

By the way a special happy birthday wish to Jack and Emma, the real reason for our latest special trip to Disney. I hope you had great time and you have learned a lesson from your mommy's old high school classmate, that drinking and Disney don't mix.

I came out of my alcohol induced comma on Sunday and got an eight mile run and 3 mile walk in at the hotel before heading to Hollywood Studios. Disney should take some of the millions that my family spends there every year and really think about putting a dome over all the land they own and air conditioning it. Really??? Is that to much to ask??? Peace Out!!!

Sunday: 8 mile run, 3 mile walk

Friday, September 12, 2008

Running on empty

I ran to work this morning. It wasn't the most inspiring of runs, but i survived it. No thanks to the angry morning drivers along my path. I even went and bought a new running shirt that practically glows in the dark. I looked like a fluorescent highlighter magnified to 100 times its original size. I think this infuriated the drivers even more and they tried to aim at me.

About halfway into my run I started to smell the most wonderful smell. After a brief search, I found that it was coming from a mom and pop donut shop on Whitfield Ave. Let me tell you that place smelled FABULOUS!!! I haven't had one of those little gifts from heaven in over year and just the aroma made my stomach growl. I thought to myself, if I can trick my body into believing that I ate a couple of those donuts maybe it will go to work on burning fat off my stomach instead. Unfortunately my body is not that stupid and slowed down my running pace. My body knows when I'm running on empty.

I didn't do a very good job of preparing for the aftermath of this mornings run. I forgot to bring a towel for my shower and more importantly underpants. So I guess it's going to be free ball Friday. Peace Out!!!

7 miles 1 hour 15 minutes 1241 calories

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

9 Things about Me (SCARY!!! But True)

1. I am a bit obsessive compulsive, mainly with the number 3. I will go out of my way, whenever possible to make things add up to a number divisible by three. Example: If I am bidding a project for $71,000, I would add an additional $100 to make it fit into my crazy way of thinking. $71,100 or 7 plus 1 plus 1 equals 9. 9 is the perfect number in my opinion because it takes 3 3's to make it up. I also like to get out of bed in the morning at a time that works with my sickness. Example: This morning I woke up at 4:30, but I waited until 4:32 "9" to actually let my feet hit the floor. CRAZY HUH!!! Notice the use of 3 exclamation points and that I am pointing out nine things about me in this blog.

2. Ever since middle school I have had a complex about my weight. I think this started because of Pop Warner football. You see in order to play in the weekend game you would have to be a certain weight by game time, or you were not able to play. So, the coaches would have a handful of us big boned players, or (bbp) sit in a sauna during practices to shed away all of our baby fat. On the day of the game the, (bbp) would be pointed out by the opposing coaches as too fat to play, that's when the real fun began. In front of the skinny players, their families and worst of all the cheerleaders the (bbp) would have to strip to their underpants, or birthday suits in some cases, and get on a scale to make sure we were under the given weight. Can you say HUMILIATING???

3. I'm a warrior!!! Correct that I meant a worrier. I worry about everything, even though I realize most of the things I worry about cannot be controlled. I am working on getting better at this flaw because I don't want it to affect my children. Of course it could be hereditary and out of my control. Great!!! Another thing to worry about.

4. I don't usually drink alcohol very often, however when I do I occasionally go a little overboard. I can think of four occasions when this was witnessed by others. To protect the innocent and myself I will spare most of the details. Occasion #1, While working with a fellow friend and co-worker in Nashville we went out one night with a local golf pro he met at the golf course. She took my friend and I to a local watering hole where I attempted to run them out of Coronas, Budweiser, and Vodka. Thirty beers later and who knows how many bottles of Vodka, I woke up on the couch of our hotel room still dressed in my party attire. My friend and the golf pro were sleeping in the bed, probably dreaming about the round they played in the sack all night long. I am happy to say those two youngsters were married a few years later, and I like to think I had something to do with that. Who knows, if I could have stayed sober maybe I'd be a better golfer today. Occasion #2, During a trip to London for a friends wedding. We spent the better part of two weeks trying to run London dry of Stella's. Occasion #4, New years 2000 celebration downtown Sarasota. I drank so much, and so many types of alcohol that my wife actually made me buy the host bottles of liquor to re-stock his home. I also recall smoking one of the party goers bent up Virgina Slim cigarettes. Occasion #4, Superbowl party a couple years back at a friends house. Once again the bar was relieved of all of its drinky drinks. I woke up 10:00m in the morning still drunk, and not knowing who actually won the Superbowl.

5. I have only had one partner my whole pitiful life. Yes, I know it's hard to believe, but the only women I have ever been with sexually speaking is my wife. I came close a few times though. If you call being naked in a pool with another man close. I'm going to chalk that up to being a big misunderstanding among friends, see #4 above.

6. If sarcasm is angers little brother like Jack Nicholson Says in Anger Management, than I'm one angry son-of-a-bitch. I spend way to much of my time being sarcastic with the people around me. The problem is most people do not understand my sarcasm and it goes over their heads. That's all right with me, because it's really only for my own enjoyment.

7. I love running and if there was a way I could make a living doing it a would close the door of my company today. This is very unlikely to happen though.

8. I love Smoothies and Coffee and don't know how I lived without them for the first 36 years of my life.

9. I hate to shop, but I could go to Fit To Run everyday to look at shoes and running paraphernalia. While I'm there I'd also have a smoothie and walk down the way and have some wings at Leroy Selmons. Possibly seek out another sexual partner at Shapes Fitness. Peace Out!!!

Tuesday Run: 4.1 miles, 39 minutes, 704 calories

Wednesday Run: 4.1 miles, 40 minutes, 703 calories

Saturday, September 6, 2008

The week that was, and was not.

Monday, I took advantage of the day off and got an early 6 miler in to start my plan to run a fourth day every week. Friends came over later in the afternoon for a cookout and some swimming. We even had a baby swimming on his own, while four adults watched from arms lengths away oblivious that the child did not yet know how to swim. No harm harm was done, and I believe a good time was had by all.

Wednesday, I intended to go for a 4 mile run, but I received a call from my mother in law around 7:30 P.M. in a panic. It seems some, pardon my french, "No Good Fuckers!!!" smashed in the rear door of the condo she lives in. I know now that there are a lot of desperate bastards out there and times are definitely tough. My mother in law literally does not have a pot to piss in. In fact, the most expensive thing in the whole condo may have been the back door the assholes smashed. Anyhow, I spent the rest of the evening purchasing and installing a new door.

Friday, I got back on track with my new tradition of running the seven miles from home to work. It was a great morning for a run mainly because of the breeze from hurricane? tropical storm? Hanna. I do need to make some time this week to go and buy some type of running light, or reflective material before my next run to work. Early morning drivers have a hard time seeing my petite 225 pound body.

Saturday, the kids and I went for a ride in the kayak. We met Nana, Papa, and Nona for dinner, and then went to the "Worlds Most Smallest Classic Car Show" at the Sonic on US Hwy. 41. There were 7 cars, at the most. It actually took longer to get the kids in and out of the car than it did to view the cars.

Sunday, I went for a long run/walk. I had some bathroom issues during the beginning of my run. Lets just say I would have been better off carrying a port-o-let with me during the run. Around mile 8 my potty issues seem to go away, and then another issue arose. I started to get a craving for some Dunkin Donut coffee. So, I decided to make a 2 mile detour for some coffee. Coffee in hand, I then enjoyed a 6 mile walk to Siesta beach. The wife and kids met me at the beach for a quick swim and some sand castle making.

All in all the the first week of September turned out to be O.K. Even though I didn't get an additional run in during the week, I still managed to get in 29 miles. Not bad. Peace Out!!!

Fridays Run: 7 miles 1 hour 5 minutes 1200 calories

Sundays Run: 16.3 miles 10 miles run 6.3 miles walk 2522 calories

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Save Gas!!! Run to Work. (and if you run anything like I do you will actual produce your own, (Gas that is).

Just to catch up on this blog, I came ever so close of keeping my running 100 miles per month average up, but fell just a little short this month. I went into the weekend with a lot of momentum built up from my soon to be weekly ritual of run to work Fridays. I planned a nine mile run on Sunday that would have put me over the century mark for the month, however I pulled the old "outer bands from the hurricane passing by in the middle of the gulf" excuse on Sun. morning. I rationalized to myself that weather would probably get better later in the afternoon when the Russian hit man hurricane, or Gustav as the national hurricane people cleverly and less stereotypically named it, passed. Seriously, have we really ran out of good names for hurricanes? Arthur, Bertha, Cristobal, Dolly, Edouard, Fay, Gustav, Hanna, and Ike? The person doing the hurricane naming is very lazy if you ask me. It looks like they just enter any random nursing home here in Florida and ask for the patient list of people over the age of 90. Looking further down the list I see that a women with a name starting with the letter "N" could not be found at the random nursing home, so a name for most old ladies with grand kids was used instead. Nana!!! Well it's what I call my grandmother and believe me she packs a hurricane size punch. Just ask a server at any given restaurant that my loving Nana has come into contact with over the past few years. Anyhoo, I have seemingly went into a rant. The weather never did get better on Sun., in fact it only got worse as the day went on.

So I did not run on Sun. and I will have to live with the shame of falling short of my goal. What should I do to deal with this missed goal? Should I give up running completely? NO. Should I whimper like a little girl and crawl into bed with a gallon of ice-cream? NO. Should I blame my family, the weather, and the running gods? MAYBE. NO!!! I decided to try to incorporate an additional day of running into my weekly schedule. Besides, my marathon training plan is going to call for more running than the mere 3 times a week that I'm running now. Monday I ran 6 miles, so the additional running plan is under way.

Speaking of marathon plans, over the weekend I figured out when I need to start training for my marathon in Feb. I figured I need about eighteen weeks to train, so my training would start around Oct 13th. Now all I have to do is settle on a training plan. Any suggestions? Peace Out!!!