Virtual D.O.A. R.I.P!!!

When I first came up with this idea to have a virtual runner I thought it would be a cool way to show how far I'm actually running on a monthly basis. Give it some sort of point of reference, if you will. "Wow!!! D.O.A. is in Kentucky!!! Holy shit that's far!!!" I also had planned on running the Philly marathon and knew that the mileage would work out that my "Virtual Self" would basically be at the same place as my real self at that point in time. How freaky is that??? I had a whole run a marathon with my virtual partner blog planned that would have gotten tons of laughs and possibly a "Bloggy", if there is such a thing as a "Bloggy". Picture an Emmy for bloggers.

Unfortunately, the planned story will never happen. Virtual D.O.A. never called at the beginning of November like he has for the past 10 months. Fearing the worst I called his cell phone, but he never answered. I tried every day this month and finally today someone answered. He said his name was Dr. Hunt and he had been treating D.O.A. for the past few days. Dr. Hunt noticed D.O.A. hanging around the hospital for several weeks and noticed that he was not feeling well. Sadly, D.O.A. was not able to afford health insurance, mainly because he had no job and all he ever did was run from town to town. Being "virtual" also didn't help with his lack of insurance. Anywho... this weekend it turns out that Dr. Hunt got to know D.O.A. and they became friends. Dr. Hunt attempted to treat D.O.A., but the illness was too far along and D.O.A. passed away yesterday.

I started to tell Dr. Hunt about how I planned to run the Philly marathon with D.O.A. and what a great blog report I was going to do about the whole experience when I returned home. Dr. hunt mentioned before D.O.A.'s passing how excited he was about the upcoming race and how he needed to get better. Ironically, Dr. Hunt is from the Philly area and was planning on running the marathon also. It turns out that we both run about the same pace and the good doctor agreed to run with me in honor of Virtual D.O.A. The only thing he asked in return is that I drop the doctor and just call him Mike.

Well let me tell you. Mike Hunt and I will pumping and pounding up in down the streets of Philly come November 22nd. Neither myself, nor Mike Hunt will give up until we give it everything we got and both finish. This Mike Hunt and my promise to our wonderful fake friend Virtual D.O.A. R.I.P!!! Peace Out!!!

While Virtual DOA is Horsin' Around the Real McCoy is all Business!!!

Virtual DOA has made it to Lexington, Kentucky and as you can probably figure out from the title horses are all the rage in this neck of the woods. After all Lexington is known as both the "Thoroughbred City" as well as the "Horse Capital of the World". Need more proof that Lexington is Ga Ga for Horsies??? Take a quick trip to the Visitor's Bureau web site and you can read about a silly blue horse that people have supposedly seen in Lexington. To make a long story short some horse ate the bluegrass that is famous in this area and magically turned blue. Awe inspiring huh!!! Ironically the horse's name is Big Lex, Talk about creative!!! On this web site you can also report "Big Lex sightings" and play a scavenger hunt game. I only hope for the folks of Lexington sake, that the Where's Waldo people never hear about this. I smell a law suit!!!!

Anywho peeps... Numbers for the month of August. Ran 154 miles. Burned 22,668 calories, (unfortunately I think I consumed 100,000 calories) Loose Change is up to .99 cents. My legs are feeling a bit sore from the training and I seem to have some type of small pain developing in the Achilles area. I'm hoping it's just sore muscle and not the beginning of my legs finally failing from the fatally obese body it's been carrying around for the past two years. Regardless, come November I plan on making Philly my BITCH!!! Peace Out!!!

AS IF ANYONE CARES!!!

Virtual D.O.A. is now in Knoxville, Tennessee. Of the many facts I found about Knoxville, and interested me the most was that it was once known as the "Underwear Capital of the World", which in my opinion had to be quite the honor. Oh yeah there's also a big University there, but I can't remember the name of it. I Know it University of Something though. The mascot of the University is a Volunteer which is ironic because it's rumoured that to this day there has never been a fire in all of Knoxville since 1779. The University also has a very popular women's basketball team and coach. They say that guy is really something!!!

If you are reading this, and I know that your not, thanks for your time and good day!!! Peace Out!!!

Virtual (D.O.A.), Checks In "Choo!!!! Choo!!!

Another month has swiftly passed by and Virtual D.O.A. has continued on his imaginary journey north. He has left the city of Coke a Cola, better known as Atlanta, and has traveled to the land made famous by a song about a fricken Choo Choo. For all of you out of the know, that would be Chattanooga, Tn.

I know very little about Chattanooga, besides the train thing. It's the fourth largest city in Tennessee, and also I think there's a saying in Tennessee, or maybe it's Texas!!! If you would like some actual information on Chattanooga, I suggest you google it. Seriously, what do I look like the Visitor and Information Center of the great City of Chattanooga???

In closing, June was another wonderful running month. I managed to run 110 miles, find some loose change, survive near death experiences from both heat exhaustion and errant flying insects, and most importantly made it another month without a shitting incident. Let's see what kind of fireworks July has in store!!! Peace Out!!!

Open Letter To: The unidentified flying insect that flew in my ear!!!

Dear unidentified flying insect that flew in my ear,

The question I have for you my flying friend is Why??? Out of all the places to fly you had to be flying along the same sidewalk that I was using during my run this morning. Seriously, how about flying a little higher? Is there a insect law that all flying bugs must adhere to a strict 6' or lower flying height? Well how did that work for you? If I remember right not to well, you have since passed on to the bug after life, either still lodged in my ear, or somewhere along my running route.

I will give you credit though. In your last few moments on this earth, technically 6' above it, you really gave me a scare. My first thoughts as you took your suicidal flight into my inner ear, was that this was no accident. It was a planned attack to end my life. I feared that your mission was to reach my brain and destroy it, much like Luke Sky Walker did to the Death Star in Star Wars. You had me so worked up that I actually stopped and attempted to dig you out with a small stick. It was touch and go for a few moments as I felt you struggle to finish me off and claim yet another hapless runners life. But, is was not to be for you my flying nemesis.

I felt the build up of sweat in my ear start to rumble due to the blockage you created. In a last ditch effort to thwart your assassination attempt, I pried on you with the small stick I found. The liquid immediately started to drain. Looks like this runner is going to live to run again.

In closing, to all the rest of the flying insect world I say, Bring it on Bitches!!! I'm ready for whatever you bring my way. I'll just have to remember to be careful not to yawn while running outdoors. Peace Out!!!

Back to Blog Land Bitches!!!

Fear not people, I have returned to blog land. I know the millions of readers of this blog have missed my creative writing style. A lot has happened since my last post. I am going to update in lazy bullet point fashion. Mind you I don't know how to make a bullet point, so I guess it will just be a list of things that happened over the last few weeks sans bullet points. Let's begin!!!

I was rejected by all of New York, (well,at least the marathon people)

I attended my 20 year high school reunion.

At said reunion, I found out one of my best friend's has a disturbing growth disorder. It seems he has grown a third leg!!!

There were several celebrities among my graduating class, which I also was unaware of: including Sponge Bob Square Pants and Mrs. Doubtfire!!!

My fellow classmates still hold many records at our Alma mater. Don't worry!!! You don't need to ask them they'll let you know, if not their mother's will!!!

Hot Tubs are Fun!!!

Sleeping in a parking lot is probably not as comfortable as you think!!!

Some people never change, and for that I'm forever thankful!!!

After the New York rejection I signed up for the Philly Marathon.

It is officially summer!!!

I continue to run and am proud to say my pants have remained poop free to this point, thanks partly to the Port-O-Let on New College's campus. I couldn't have kept my running shorts clean without you!!!

Somehow I've been able to maintain my current weight and it's certainly not because of my great food choices.

I have added $.27 cents to my loose change tracker!!! Question is... Will I make it to $1.00 by the end of the year???

As you can see it's been a Rememborable few weeks. Speak to you soon!!! Peace Out!!!

Rejection City Baby!!! Also D.O.A. Calls In.

I won't be running in the New York City Marathon this year, and I feel a little like the last kid picked during recess in grade school. With the exception that I was never actually selected, only rejected. Oh well, my time to run the event will come. Probably in 2012, you see N.Y. can only reject me 3 times, then they have to let me run. I wish this 3 time thing worked for sexual advances. I would surely take a couple cold shoulders and a slap or two if I knew it would pay off after three attempts. Anywho... I am currently working on a new plan for a Novemberish Marathon of some sort and have a couple of thoughts, but none to share at this juncture.

As you can see D.O.A. has been running his virtual ass off. He has made it to Atlanta, which come to find out is the capital of Georgia. I'm sure there are many things to do and see in Atlanta, but frankly right know I don't give a shit!!! I do know that it has a large and very busy airport, the Olympics were once held there, Coke is big thing and oh yeah one the biggest stones I ever saw was in Atlanta. I also know D.O.A. is going to love his time in this fine U.S. City.

Not much else to report, but I plan on getting back into bloggy land very soon. Even though my typing, spelling and uses of appropriate englishery isn't very good I enjoy it. Until then, Peace Out!!!

Open Letter To: The Cookie and Cream Pop Tart's In My Pantry!!!

Dear Cookie and Cream Pop Tarts In My Pantry,

Pop Tarts we need to talk. I heard you calling my name last night while I was trying to relax in front of the boob tube. And yes, once you even tempted me into the pantry to grab your package, but I resisted the urge. Although before leaving the pantry out of the corner of my eye I discovered a lone Pop Tart laying on the shelf in a zip lock baggie. Probably a left over from my sons breakfast. I looked at the Pop Tarts rectangular body through the baggie and my stomach started to over rule my mind. To me you looked like a fine, yet delicious, piece of art Pop Tart. The way your white creamy inside is framed by the chocolate outer edge is a master piece. And just knowing that creamy filling is made from chemicals that I could never pronounce, let alone spell, makes eating you all the more titillating my beautiful Pop Tart. In the end, I couldn't resists your advances and gave in to temptation. If I only could have been half good and eaten your single brother in the baggie. No, I had to go for a package of my own and a glass of chocolate milk to wash your Pop Tart goodness down. Pop Tart you were worth every empty calorie, or so I thought.

During my easy recovery run this morning it seemed you were still with me my dear Pop Tart. My legs felt weighed down by your chemical make up. The chemicals were also not sitting so well in the stomach area that desired you so much last night. In fact my stomach was on the verge of rejecting you about half way through the run. Luckily we made it back to the house without incident, keeping my soon to be two year record intact.

This is hard to say Pop Tart, but I think the thing we had is over. Let's call it one night of pleasure that at least I'll never forget. The minutes of gratification was not worth the pain that I dealt with the next morning. So, I guess it's goodbye sweet Pop Tart. On second thought, maybe it was the frickin chocolate milk's fault. Peace Out!!!

(D.O.A.) Unofficial Definition of "Humidity"!!!

Before I give my definition of Humidity, I would like to say that many of the words printed below may not be found in the Dictionary and the definition I give for Humidity is based clearly on my observations while running. My last name is not Webster for Fuck Sake!!!

Humidity is a word that can best be defined by breaking down the 8 letters that make it up. Let's have a looksy, shall we???

H: The H stands for heat. I think just everybody has probably heard the phrase, " It's not the heat it's the humidity". Well I'm here to tell you that is a bunch of bullshit. It's not the humidity at all. It's the hotness of the heat.

U: The U stands for unfuckinbearable. Example: The hotness of this heat is unfuckinbearable.

M: The M stands for mother-unfuckinbearable. Mother-unfuckinbearable is the point during the run when your brain tells your body to stop running or bad things will start to happen such as cramping, dehydration, death or worse of all loss of all bodily functions. Yes, I consider losing control of my bodily functions worse than death.

I: The I stands for irate. Irate is how most become during a humid run, it's also a way to judge how hot it is during your run. Example: Irate the heat during today's run a 9 out of 10 for hotness.

D: D stands for death. Although not many people actually die due to running in the humidity. You probably have a better chance dying if say you marry Drew Peterson, or something along those lines.

I: The second stands for is. As in "is" this very humid run, and this stupid definition blog almost over.

T: The T is for temperature. FYI, the temperature for humidity is right between boiling and hell in most of the sources I checked.

Y: Last, but not least the Y. Y is for you. You made it to the end of this blog and also finished another mother-unfuckinbearable run. Congratulations, and here's to more rememorable runs to come. Peace Out!!!

I've got "Georgia On My (virtual) Mind"!!!

Virtual D.O.A will be calling in tomorrow from Albany, Georgia. I know it's amazing how I can predict a day ahead of time where a figment of my imagination will be calling from. Lets just say I got mad skills!!! Albany, Georgia is called the "Good Life City", it's also is the "Pecan Capital of The World" and the birthplace of Ray Charles. Sounds like Albany may have a small identity crisis and can't decide which of the three facts above to go by. I say why choose Albany? Come up with as many tag lines as possible. How about "Hey New York our Albany can kick your Albany's Ass", or "He Can, She Can, Pecan!!! In Albany". Oh well, maybe not the greatest of tag lines, but you get the point Albany. Albany actually does look like a great place to visit and if your ever in the area you may want to check it out. (www.albanygeorgia.biz)

In other news, I am very happy with my over all mileage for the month of April (124). The last couple of weeks I have been stuck at 226 pounds. I attribute that to my ever present urge to fill my pie hole with whatever food I come in contact with, and a lack of any kind of discipline on my part. The weight battle will continue. I also have added some coinage to my loose change tracker. In fact, I tripled my total during one of my long runs. I was able to come across a penny and a dime along a new route that I tried over the weekend. I plan on adding this path to my daily routine and hope it bears more riches in the weeks to come. Before long I'll be able to buy myself a coffee, or at the very least a pack of gum. Peace Out!!!

6 Friggen 21!!!

I was order by my trainer to run 1 mile at 100% during my training run this weekend. I took that to mean that the night before said training, I should stay out until 2 in the morning playing cards and drinking (1 and half bottles of Vodka and countless shots of Yagermeister to be exact). Then attempt the run. Well, needless to say Saturday morning came all to fast and I awoke in Headache Hangover Hell Land surrounded by two wide awake children. For the next few hours I attempted to hydrate and escape from Hangover land, unfortunately to no avail.

About noon I finally decided that my current state was not going to improve, so I laced on the Pearl's and headed out the door. Upon my first steps outside I noticed that summer had decided to come early. I am sure this was punishment from the running gods for last nights behavior. Obviously the running gods don't know me very well. It will take a lot more then sizzling heat and a migraine to stop me from a training run. Maybe the gods don't realize that I'm a married man with children for crying out loud!!!

I warned up for 10 minutes. Every single foot strike with the pavement could be felt all the way to the spot where the little jack hammers were running inside my head. Finally, it was time for the 100% mile. I took of in a flash and could instantly feel my breathing and heart rate quicken, along with those annoying little jack hammers. I started to feel the need to slow the pace about three quarters into the run, but ignored the urge. I was starting to feel the effects of my poor hydration and could feel the taste of my blood as I gasped for air during the last quarter of a mile. The last eighth of a mile seemed like it would never end, but thankfully the familiar sound of my Garmim watch sounded the end of my misery.

Results, 6:21!!! Could it have been better? Time will tell!!! Peace Out!!!

Open Letter To: My Trainer!!!

Dear Richard, (this is my trainer's name, really!!!)

I hope this letter finds you well. Let me start by saying that I appreciate all you have done for my running in the last several months. Last night during my scheduled interval training of ten 1/8 miles with one minute of rest in between each, followed by 2 miles at 8:10 minute pace, and finally finishing with yet another ten 1/8 miles, I came to the realization that you may be trying to do great harm to me. Seriously, I'm not a teenager anymore!!! And since you're my trainer I think you know that my present weight is a feather like 226 pounds. Do you realize that with every stride I'm impacting the road and sidewalk at eight times that amount? That's 1800 pounds of force each time my feet hit whatever happens to be unfortunately underneath them. It's hard to believe that I'm not leaving a path of destruction behind me as I run. Picture the love child of King Kong and Godzilla going for a run in your neighborhood. Trust me, I know what your thinking, I definitely have the body hair for it.

I guess the big question is why do you dislike me Richard? Is it because I lovingly made fun of your Brazilian accent? Or, was it the time I blogged about how you use the word "warn", instead of warm? I honestly get a kick out of warning up for 10 minutes before each training run. Maybe the jokes on me!!! Do you literally mean I should do a 10 minute warning, just to let others know that my fat ass is going to be training in their vicinity? If so, that's just mean Richard!!! If your plan is to have me run until I drown in my own sweat, then you might be on to something. Last night not only did I almost drown in that fashion, I also reached my puke threshold during several portions of the run. Upon returning to the house it took an extra long time to recover from my training. But, today is a new day and I'm feeling refreshed and ready for whatever challenge you throw at me next.

In closing, I may be Kingzilla, or even Godkong like, but I'm not a quitter. So, if your goal as a trainer is to get me to push my self to the top, kind of like slowly climbing a large building. I am up to the task. I know there will be struggles along the way, sort of like bi-planes*** shooting at me as I reach the peak of the large building I'm climbing. I say fire on you damn planes I'm in this bitch for the long haul. Consider this letter my 10 minute warning!!! Peace Out!!!

*** Biplane: is a fixed-wing aircraft wit two main wings. Not a plane that likes both girl and boy airplanes. I know there is some confusion on this with at least one of my readers.

Why Do I Run???

Seriously, Why Do I Run?

i run: to keep sane.
i run: to stay morbidly obese, instead of morbidly fatally obese.
i run: because my doctor thinks I'm fat.
i run: to challenge myself.
i run: to get back to my own toilet, gross but true some mornings.
i run: to get away from my family. this is not a joke.
i run: because I love the feeling of competitiveness. even if it's only with myself.
i run: It makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something.
i run: because I secretly have a running store fetish.
i run: because it helps me think and solve problems of everyday life.
i run: to become faster.
i run: to reach future goals.
i run: to see how far I can push myself.
i run: to be happy.
i run: to inspire other people.
i run: because when I go for a run, I'm in control and no one can take that away from me.
i run: because after my wife and children, it's something I truly love. Peace Out!!!

FYI: Thursday I went over the 2000 mile mark. Not bad for less than 2 years of running.

The April Fool Checks In and Other News!!!

As you can probably see Virtual D.O.A. has called with his current destination. He also told me that he was turning over a new leaf and will no longer be stopping at college campuses to party with the student body. Well how Convenient since his current resting stop is where a majority of the southern colleges celebrate their spring breaks this week. I asked D.O.A. about this, and he swears he only decided to stop at this location for the upcoming Shrimp and Oyster Festival: on Friday, April 10 thru April 12, and knew nothing about any spring break stuff. He also wanted to let me know that Panama City Beach is known as "The Beach lovers Beach", and is best known from its sugar-white sand beaches and clear, emerald waters of the Gulf of Mexico and St. Andrews bay. For more information he suggested http://visitpanamacitybeach.com. Me thinks my virtual buddy may be moonlighting while out of town. The last thing he told me is that this area reminded him of Sarasota and he was starting to get a little homesick, but he had to let me go because the wet t-shirt contest was starting.

In other news, I was able to get back to my losing ways on the scales. Last week I shook the world with an earth shattering 1 pound drop in weight. I was unable to find any loose change last week, but did manage to get my running mileage back over 100 miles last month. My kids both celebrated a birthday over the weekend and last night I became an uncle again. Congratulations to my brother and sister in law, and welcome baby Langdon to the world. I looked up the meaning of Langdon, and it means "long hill slope". Ironic, since that's probably what little Langdon will be facing as he grows up in these messed up times, along with all the rest of our children.

Lastly, I learned that by plane it takes approximately a week to get from France to Sarasota. I also mistakenly forwarded an email that was hurtful to my wife. Short story long I, being the passive aggressor that I am, tried making a joke about picking up a foul mouthed call girl while in Vegas only to find out that it was actually my loving wife. Being the simpleton that I am, I didn't put it together that the people that were on the forwarded email would think I was comparing my wife to hooker. I was trying to describe, and as they all know, my wife's language as a bit "Sailor Like" and was no way trying to suggest she was a lady of the night. I only hope there is some way she will accept my apology for my horrible mistake. You know deep down that I love you for who you are you "yuck mouth ho"!!! Peace Out!!!

Open Letter To: My Children!!!

Dear Kids (mainly the two I claim),

That's right Jake and Bryce that would be you!!! Tomorrow is the big day. We will celebrate both of your birthdays this weekend. Why both of you get all the praise, or any other person for that matter on their birthday is still something I may never understand. Your mother did all the work, trust me I was there. But, who am I to change tradition. On your special day I wanted to leave both of you some words.

Jake, my Hot Wheels Wii partner, what can I say: Don't let anyone ever take away your creative ability to take ordinary things in our lives and turn them into your fantasies. Your creativity amazes me. You can literally turn anything you see in our house into a race track for your hot wheels. I also am blown away by how artistic you are. I have never seen anybody that can draw and color like you do.

Bryce, my ballerina: 4 years old and you are already able to speak your mind. You want to be self efficient and in charge, where you get this from I'll never know. Sometimes in order to be heard I think you may stretch the truth a little. But, I understand that's just your way of being creative and also comes with your age. I think I'll just let that issue Lie, know what I'm saying. Despite what you say, your a beautiful girl and I love you very much.

Neither of you are without faults. Just to name a few, sucking thumbs, picking scabs, messing the entire house up in seconds, leaving food rappers and drink cartons on the floor, peeing the bed, pooping a small car out once a week, not eating healthy food, listening to parents, telling on each other, and various other fights and squabbles.

In closing, I wish you both a very happy birthday. I hope someday you both realize how lucky you are to have each other as brother and sister and share this special day. Peace Out!!!

Week Of Gains!!!

I believe the title of this post says it all. First let me start with the positive gains. Friday night I ran a good race and set a PR (23.22) that will be challenging to break in future 5K's. The course at Robinson Preserve was scenic to say the least. The surface itself consisted of asphalt, shell, boardwalks and plain old dirt. My only bitch was the gale force winds that seemed to always be directly in my face no matter which way I seemed to run. It was pretty warm also, but I think these issues were out the control of the race organizers. There was also a dinner that came free of charge for the race participants, including free beer for the 21 and over crowd. I will definitely be running this event next year. Hell, I'll probably win it!!! The winning time was only 16:05. Cutting off 7:15 should be a breeze.

During my 4 mile run on Sunday, I happened upon 3 errant pennies. That's right, during one run I was able to increase my loose change by 2.5 times the original amount. I am proud to report the new total now stands at five cents. We moved from cooper to silver and it's only been 3 weeks. It's only a matter of time before I'll actually be able to afford that trophy wife. Who am I kidding, at this rate it's going to take years for me even to coax a crack whore.

Lastly, speaking of crack whores, Bertha has spoken. Actually winced in pain while I stepped on top of her Monday morning. Thanks be to the all mighty that Bertha is just a scale and not an actual living thing. My extra fatal obesity surely would have killed anything unlucky enough to find its way beneath me on that particular morning. Go ahead and smile pregnant women of the world, (you know who you are), Jason has gained back 4.5 pounds. I have no other way to take this weight gain, but as a learning experience. Instead of lowering the amount of carbs I was eating slowly, I tried pretty much eliminating them all together. While the first week it seemed to work, 6 pound drop, by the second week of that game plan I was left with no energy and miserable. I also only dropped 1 pound the second week. Last week I put the carbs back in and I'm pleased to say I am now a fatter, yet happier Jason. All together in the last 3 weeks I've still lost 3 pounds, which is probably the better way to drop poundage. One week=One pound. Peace Out!!!

Open Letter To: Bradentuckian's!!!

Dear Bradentuckian's,

Tomorrow between 6:30 and 7:00 in the P.M. you may hear a sound similar to the launching of the space shuttle. You may also see a flame trail following a very fast moving object. Again, like the friggin space shuttle. Fret not simpletons, what you are actually experiencing is much closer than Cape Canaveral. In fact, it's happening right here in your, (weed infested, car on blocks, trailer trash) back yards. Don't jump to conclusions Bradentuckian's. Air Force One is not landing at the Bradentucky/Sarasnoba International Airport with Barack, Michelle and children in tow. It's wayyyy bigger than that!!! That's right!!! It's ME!!! I'll be gracing the fine town for a 5K tomorrow evening at the beautiful Robinson Preserve.

This will be my second race of 2009. I haven't blogged about it because I signed up last minute and also 3.1 miles is not my favorite of distances. I have only ran one other 5K, and that was last year. I can't even remember the time it took to travel the distance. So, at least I'll set a PR during tomorrows race. I looking forward to see if I have gained any speed in the few weeks following the Sarasota Marathon. I have been mostly concentrating on speed work during my training. If I had to guess on a finish time, I would go with 22 minutes and 30 seconds. In fact, anything faster I would consider awesome. This week I have changed my diet, once again, and feel like I have had more energy during my training runs. I have also noticed that the stomach issues I had in the past are also starting to return. Which makes me wonder if 2009 is the year that I finally shit myself ??? I only bring this up in this open letter Bradentuckian's, because I hear it's quite common and perfectly acceptable in this community. I mean let's face it, Sarasota has been shitting on you for years.

In closing, I hope to see as many of the fine folks of the B-town out at the Preserve tomorrow night for the race. Friday is payday so, gas up those four wheelers and riding lawn mowers and come on down to the race. I hear it's all the Old Milwaukee you can drink after the race. Just kidding!!! It's actually Pabst Blue Ribbon!!! Peace Out!!!

Bertha is a Bitter Whore!!!

I knew when I decided to give the family scale a female name that it would eventually come back to bite my ass. I just didn't realize it would be as soon as the second week of my attempt to lose some of my additional Assage. After a sizzling first week loss of an incredible 6 pounds of flab, this week I managed a whopping whole pound.

The worst part about the weight loss this week is that actually felt zapped of all energy during my training runs. I am actually trying to work on gaining some speed for upcoming races, so I think something is going to have to give. I guess the question is, do I want the body and face of Brad Pitt? Or, can I live with just having his face and say screw the body. Besides having a handsome face and good personality has gotten me this far. Fuck It!!! Fast food here I come!!!

In other news, you can probably see along with my inability to lose weight that I also was a failure in finding any lost monies this week. It wasn't because I wasn't looking. Trust me I have been scanning the roads with laser like concentration. I think, as usual, I'm a little late in the game as far as loose coins go. The way things are right now I think people are clutching their pennies with death grips, knowing that every little bit counts. Peace Out!!!

Hey Brother Can You Spare A Nickel, Or Is It A Dime???

Due to the recent economy woes I have decide to keep track of the money I pick up while on my training runs. I only wish I would have started picking up abandoned coins when I first started running. Of course, when I first started running it took all the energy I had just to keep going. I doubt that I would have been able to exert any energy to bend over and tie my shoes, let alone pick up coinage. When I finally became fit enough to accomplish this feat admittedly I became too vane to slow down for such a thing. You see, that would slow down my training and even worst effect my overall pace per mile. Seriously, how am I going to become an elite runner if I slow down every time I come along a penny on my path? What an egotistical Dick I have become!!!

Well, no longer my friends. I now will stop for loose change that appears along my routes. I no longer will worry about my ever precious pace. I think Benjamin Franklin, or maybe it was Donald Trump that said it best, "A penny earned is a penny that someone had to bend over and pick up off the ground". Unfortunately, a lot of my training runs happen early mornings which makes it hard to find lost money. But, I will continue to look. I started tracking the loose change last Saturday during my long run, and as you can see I'm already up to a mind boggling 2 cents. Just to let you know during that run I passed a dime. I did try to turn around and find the dime, but was unsuccessful. Unfortunate, I know!!! That would have made my weekend run 6 times more successful. Maybe this weekend I'll hit the mother load. Peace Out!!!

Tuesday: 6.05 miles

Thursday: 5 miles

Was It Good For You Bertha???

How did you spend last week? I spent my week trying to convince my stomach that I wasn't starving to death. While not much fun, Bertha was pleasantly surprised when I mounted her earlier this morning. I think she enjoyed the new slimmer and chiseled version of Jason. She also doesn't seem to mind, unlike other women, that it literally takes seconds for me to finish my deed with her. Enough about that!!! How about some results??? At last Monday's weigh in I was an elephant like 231 pounds. This morning I weighed in at a smaller version, shall we say Baby elephant 225 pounds. According to my math *** that is a drop in weight of almost 6 pounds. Astonishing!!!

Speaking of Baby elephants!!! There has some talk that somebody may have read my last entry and mistakenly thought she, or he was the alumnus mentioned. Maybe this person has a guilty conscience? I don't remember naming any names, and quite frankly hardly even remember the person in question from high school. Of course that's probably because I wasn't into illicit drugs, wild parties, and being part of the "Hip Crowd". Make that "Hippie Crowd". I also wasn't lucky enough to own a Trans-Am!!!

Ironically, my wife went to yet another baby shower this weekend for another random High School friend. Sounds like a good time was had by all. Games were played, drinks were dranked and food was ate, or is it aten***??? It must be hard to be pregnant and surrounded by all that delicious food. Hey, you only live once, I say Eat Up!!! You'll have plenty of time to take off those extra pounds. Peace Out!!!

*** Keep in mind, I graduated from Southeast High!!!

Monday: 4 miles 35 minutes 706 calories

3 Reasons To Become Less Fatally Obese!!!

As you can probably see, I have added a sidebar to monitor my weight. I plan on weighing myself each Monday morning after showering. By showering I won't have to worry about the ounces of grime and dirt that have accumulated during the past day and night throwing off my scientific results. Besides, Bertha likes me to be clean before I get on top of her. I know what your thinking, who is this Bertha chick and isn't your wife the only one that actually reads this shit??? You are SOOOO Busted!!! Rest easy peeps, Bertha is the name I decided to name our family scale.

My first weigh in occurred this Monday and the results were an earth crushing 231 pounds. I think you can see that is about 30 pounds more than the goal that I have set for myself. Once again I know what your thinking, but Jason you look "So Hot" right now if you lose 30 more pounds you'll be way too skinny. I say horse pucky. I think it was Keira Knightley, or maybe the real, real, skinny Olsen twin that said it best, " There's no such thing as being too skinny. The rest of you are just way too fat.". O.K. so maybe they didn't say that, but I'm sure that's what they were thinking. I digress... Below are the reasons I have for achieving this goal.

Reason #1:

By losing the approximate weight of an average three year old, I will definitely be able to lower my pace per mile running speed. Besides, there is no better feeling than flying by some hapless wanna-be runner, or even worse a speed walker, at lightening pace. I don't really know if this feels good, but take it from a wanna-be runner, the fast guys sure make it look like fun. Dropping the pounds should also help me in other running related goals that at this point I'm not confident enough to share with a group, let alone put in writing.

Reason #2:

My twenty year reunion is in June of this year, and I intend on going dressed in the same clothes I wore on my graduation day. I only hope it's cold enough to wear my Neon Orange High school jacket to at least one of the functions. I intend on growing my mustache back and getting my hair styled as I wore it way back when. For those of you out of the know, and haven't joined the Face book revolution my hair style of choice was spiked on the top and a mullet in the back. What a real crowd pleaser. Anyways, none of this dream can come true at my present weight. Besides, who will be able to recognize me looking like this. Seriously, I'm sure everybody has either maintained, or lost weight since their Alma Mater days. Although I did recently see one of my classmates stuffing her face at a local restaurant last week. She looked like she swallowed a watermelon. She probably should follow my lead and lay off the egg rolls for a while.

Reason #3:

When the day finally comes and I'm lucky enough to find, and afford, the trophy wife I deserve, I figure it would be a nice gift to her if I was also in peak physical shape. This will also help while trying to chase her around at clubs and parties. Have you ever seen how fast and much energy 21 year old's have? I probably will be getting in a lot of fights with younger dudes to defend my young wife's honor. Lastly, when I find that my wife actually has no honor, or virtue, the loss of weight should make me appear more attractive to my newly ex-wife's best friends.

Peace Out!!!

A Call From Virtual D.O.A.!!!

Like clockwork on Sunday I received a call from Virtual D.O.A. I have to say it was nice to speak with him instead of one of the many young ladies he has pissed off in Gainesville. Lets just say the list of grievances against him grew longer and more incriminating throughout the entire month of February. There were rumours of marriage proposals and accusations of several well known diseases being spread campus wide. Rest assured Virtual D.O.A. has convinced me that these complaints were all simple misunderstandings and lies. It seems the college in Gainesville did not get Virtual D.O.A.'s sarcasm, wit and intellect. I wish I could say I'm surprised, but sadly I'm not. Virtual D.O.A. also requested that I call him by his nickname for now on. It seems he prefers going by plain old V.D. How could I argue???

Ironically, V.D. has found a way to travel to yet another college town this month. He has promised to be on his best behavior. V.D. told me he would like to try to spread his message to as many college campuses as he possibly could, although he could never tell me what that message was. I am sure V.D. will find a way to leave his mark on the student bodies he comes across. Because I see a little bit of Me in V.D. Peace Out!!!

Sarasota Marathon Race Report: Warning, Very Boring!!!

I have finally recovered enough to tell the tale of my first ever marathon experience. In short, I enjoyed the race and am looking forward to more suffering in the near future, (see side bar of races to run). I finished the marathon in 4hrs. and 18 min. For anyone with no life what so ever, I invite you to read my full report below. If you happen to have problems sleeping this report may just be the cure you need.

Sunday Feb. 15, I awoke to begin my normal, or abnormal, race day rituals. First ritual, make sure upon awakening my feet hit the floor at a number that adds up to either a 3 or 9. I look at the clock, exactly 3:00 A.M. Check!!! Next, I consume a small meal which consists of 1 brownie cliff bar. Yum-Yum, Check!!! I then get dressed in some running attire and head out for a 10 minute easy pace run. This step serves two purposes. First it gets the body loosened up for the race and secondly, other bodily functions are loosened up at the same time. I noted during my warm up run that at this early hour it was already rather humid outside. Good writers would call my last sentence foreshadowing. Anywho... My next ritual is rather obvious. After dropping the kids off at the pool, I take a long warm shower. O.K. now I'm ready to go. One problem though, the race starts at 6:00 and it's only 4:30. Shit!!!

At 5:30 fellow runners begin to show up at the house. Since our house is only 1/8 of a mile from the start line of the race, my wife invited anyone we knew running a parking spot. Five people took her up on the offer. At 5:45 the excited crew was ready to head towards the starting line. One note, of all the things I enjoy about running in these races, probably the best is seeing all the energy and enthusiasm people seem to have before the start of a race. If there were only a way to bottle this energy and sell it. We finally made it to the start line, wished each other good luck and headed are separate ways. I found my way to the 9:00 min (4 hr. marathon) pace group. I settled in behind the pace leader, listened to final minute instructions and the singing of the national anthem. 6:00 A.M. The race begins, 2 thousand plus crazy runners head down Bayshore Road in the pitch black darkness. The cadence of the 4,000 feet is deafening.

Miles 1-6: The Honeymoon Stage:

The first six miles our pace group appears quite large,(probably 40 runners). The main reason is the first 5.5 miles the half and full travel along the same route. The larger group remains in good spirits during these miles, mostly due to the half marathon pacer. She tells her group every mile how they are doing great and most importantly are on pace. I mean there was no shutting this HO up!!! Regardless, these first few miles breezed by. I was already starting to feel the effects of the humidity. My shirt was soaked with sweat, (I know TMI).

Mile1: 9:21, Mile2: 8:52, Mile3: 9:16, Mile4: 8:51, Mile5: 8:51, Mile6: 8:59

Miles 7-12: No Longer Honeymoon, But Still Having Sex Stage:

The half marathoners have now left us, and the realization of running a full marathon has now set in. Our pace group of 40, is now a mere 9 lonely souls. The small group is now quiet and focused as we all work to conserve energy. Our pace leader has began pushing the pace a little during these miles while the rest of us try to adjust to the quicker speed. I am still feeling strong at this point, knowing that I ran this pace during most of my longer runs. The miles are still moving by quickly.

Mile7: 8:37, Mile8: 8:46, Mile9: 9:13, Mile10: 8:44, Mile11: 8:51, Mile12: 8:50

Miles 13-18: Married With Children:

Our pace group past the half way point of the marathon at 1hr. 55 min. That time is just 4 minutes over my fastest ever half marathon time. The humidity is starting to wear on me and the others in my group. The group becomes separated for the next few miles, but I just keep checking my watch and attempt to stay at the 9 minute pace. Finally, at mile 16 I noticed the pace leader and what is left of our group is right behind me. The pace group is now just three of us, obviously I'm not the only one that was being effected by the 90-100% humidity. My stomach is now starting to feel a little strange. I'm sure it was the early stages of dehydration. My brain was starting to listen to my body. The two of them had already conspired to stop at the 20 mile water stop to take in more than the two cups we were taking at each stop. At mile 18 the pace leader was just in front of me. I remember him calling to me, "Come on Jason, lets go". I had the endurance and will, but lacked the energy and was slowing down.

Mile13: 8:46, Mile14: 8:58, Mile15: 9:01, Mile16: 9:10, Mile17: 9:14, Mile18: 9:03

Miles 19-26.2: Who Is This Bitch with Children, And Why Are They All In My House?:

At mile 19 all I could do is continue to slow down and watch my pace leader, all by himself at this point, fade out of my view. I made it to the next rest stop, listened to my mind and body and stopped to drink more fluids. I reached mile 20 at my goal time of 3 hours. I tried to continue running, but my calves were now starting to cramp up. I decided to run as much as I could and walk through the remaining water stops. I now know what they mean by the saying "The Race Begins at Mile 20". Mile 20 was the longest I have ever run to this point and can see why most training has you go no further. The last six miles might as well been 100 miles. I hit the "Fucking Wall". I continued to force my way to the finish line. Every so often I would be passed, or pass a fellow runner that was struggling along to the end. At mile 25 I decided to suck it up and run to the finish. It had taken me an hour and eight minutes to travel the last 5 miles, the least I could do is push it the last one. I tried to remember back to all the training and miles I ran along these same streets, but the motivational shit wasn't working. The cheers from family and spectators at the end was uplifting though. I finally crossed the finish line and immediately swore I would never run a marathon again.

By Monday that had all Changed... Peace out!!!

Mile19: 9:27, Mile20: 12:54 Shit!!!, Mile21: 12:21 Double Shit!!!, Mile22: 11:19 O.K.
Mile23: 11:31, Mile24: 11:35 Consistent, Mile25: 12:46 Consistently Shitty That Is!!!
Mile26.2: 9:45 Strong Finish!!! 4hrs 18 min. 4651 Calories Burned!!!

Done!!!

4 hours 18 minutes!!! Race report later...

Finally!!! Sarasota Shows This Guy Some "LOVE"

This blog of mine must really be catching on. I went from hundreds of dedicated readers to a whole county of people that are now honoring my hard work. That's right, I served this area tirelessly for years on a city a board without as much as thank you. When I was finally replaced the powers to be never even contacted me to let me know that my seat had been filled. I actually had to call the city planning dept. and asked why I was no longer receiving my quarterly packet for board meetings. The nice lady said, "I thought you knew that your time limit for serving was up and we have replaced you". Funny!!! I served over ten years on this board that has term limits of eight years. So, after the first eight I made mention at every meeting for the next two years that my terms were up and if it was O.K. that I was still serving. Never an answer. So, imagine my dismay when I wasn't even given the courtesy of a phone call to let me know that I no longer needed to show up. However, all has know been forgiven.

The highly elected officials of Sarasota obviously read this blog and have been following my training. It seems that they have put together a small running event this weekend in my honor. I understand the name of the event as of now is, the "ABC 7 Sarasota Grouper Marathon". From what I hear "The Thank You Jason Bennett for Over a Decade of Service Marathon" had lots of support, but was shot down at the last minute due some legal issues with another race in a small town in Kashikstan with a similar sounding name. The name recognition means little to me Sarasota. Just knowing that you all care and are proud of my accomplishments is enough for me. Let me just say from the bottom of my heart, I accept this honor bestowed upon me and will run "MY" event with pride knowing that this town is filled with such love.

Upon crossing the finish line I want all "MY" fellow runners to know that they are indeed lucky to run with such greatness, no matter how much slower you run than yours truly. To the ones that may finish ahead of me in Sunday's race, it's only because I got a cramp, stomach ache, stopped to pee, or your just faster. Don't be surprised if you happen to disqualified. "MY" race can have only one true winner and during "MY" victory speech I will praise all who decided to join "MY" run. A fellow runner once said, " In running, it doesn't matter whether you come in first, in the middle of the pack, or last. You can say 'I have finished.' There is a lot of satisfaction in that." I figured this may give all you loser's and middle of the packers some kind of inspiration.

Let me say in closing that I take great pride in what Sarasota is doing for me. I mean, "MY" own freaking race, "Holy Shit". Let me leave you with one more quote. "You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back." I have no idea what that quote means, but somehow I know I'm awesome for ending with it. Peace Out!!!

Thursday: 3 miles Friday: 3 miles Sunday: Marathon in "MY" honor.

Did I ever tell you about the time I woke up in the morning to get the newspaper and a Black Cat crossed my path?

I don't make this shit up!!! Yesterday I woke up as usual, making sure my feet hit the floor at exactly 5:31 in the A.M., and headed out to retrieve the newspaper. As I headed down the driveway the cat in question made eye contact, and like all cats gave me that "GO Fuck Yourself Buddy" look. Cats seem to do this particular look almost as well as the human females in my life. I continued on my path towards the newspaper hoping the cat would get up from its sleeping position and run off the driveway without crossing in front of me. Ahhh Sorry, No Such Luck!!! That little bastard slowly rose up and purposefully walked directly across my path. I picked up the newspaper, swore at the cat and started to head back towards the house. Something made me turn back one last time to look at the evil cat. The cat gave me a look that I won't soon forget. If I was a superstitious type, I would have to believe that all my training for my upcoming race was for not and I am doomed to fail.

Good thing I'm not superstitious!!!

I went back inside and got dressed for my 5 mile morning run. During the run I was extra cautious of the roads and sidewalks along my route. Damn Cat!!! It's funny how the week before each race, I become more careful than I've been compared to the previous weeks of training. It's also interesting how I can now feel every little sore muscle and ache. It's all in the brain. The body is finally starting to convince the brain that it needs a rest and is not ready for the task at hand. Good try body, (you too, fucking black cat), this mind is mentally prepared for this test, you're just along for the ride. Peace Out!!!

Tuesday: 5 miles 46 minutes

6 miles to go until race day!!!

Open Letter To: Anyone That Happens to be Reading This!!!

Dear Anyone That Happens to be Reading This,

First off hello my name is Jason and I'm grammatically challenged. Seriously, I would be shocked if grammatically was even a word in the dictionary. If you are reading this you probably know that I mainly write about running and my observations on running, or maybe you just happened to come across this blog hoping I was a famous athlete that was giving a look into his or her personal life. Sorry to disappoint. The closest I ever came to athletic stardom is being blown out in a state championship football game in high school. Oh yeah, a couple of years and about 60 pounds ago I was mistaken for a All Pro linemen that plays for the Chicago Bears. So much for my fifteen minutes of fame.

I know that my beautiful wife occasionally reads this blog. Shout out to you Alisa!!! Hopefully you get back to your Face Book and away from your recent gambling addiction. Seriously, I think Kenny Rodgers said it best, " You go to know when to hold them...know when to fold them...and most important when to walk away".
I kid, because I love. I also recently noticed I have a follower on my blog page, which was very shocking to me. Especially when I found out it was my extremely intelligent cousin. I thinking she reads this occasionally to see that America is really becoming dumbed down. And what better place to see it happening than on this blog. I'm sure there are others, I hear rumours. To you silent Blog Stalkers, I'm glad you're here. I mean why waste time reading a interesting book or magazine when you can read this garbage.

Lastly, I promise to get back to writing about running because I know that's what my audience really wants. Actually it's what I want and need to write about at this point in my life. Besides my wife and two children, running is the only thing that keeps me sane. In an unfair business world of I'll rub your back and hopefully you'll return the favor, and where ridiculously low bidders just pick random numbers out of thin air. When running I'm in control and rewarded for my hard work no matter how low the number, or time. During these economic times I find that much more refreshing. Peace Out!!!

Virtual (D.O.A.) called while I was in Vegas Baby!!!

Well Elvis and January have left the building. Seriously, how fast did that month blow by? Yesterday was my wife and I last day in Vegas with several other wild and crazy couples. As a whole the group shared a lot of good times and bonded together, and what we gave money wise to the casinos I think we made up for in alcohol consumption.

I also got my last long run in yesterday. I don't think there is a better way to take in a city than lacing on some comfortable shoes and exploring the streets by foot. I ran the entire strip including the Historic Fremont Street area downtown and enjoyed all 3 hours of it. Somewhere on my way back from downtown I received a phone call from (D.O.A.) letting me know he was in Gainesville staying with a cheerleader at the University of Florida that he had recently met on Face book. I once again tried to explain the phone was only to be used to call me at the end of each month, but was distracted by the rather explicit photos he was sending to me of his new friend. I also found it rather ironic that he ended up in Gainesville since the majority of the other couples we were with on this trip are die hard Gator fans. I'm hopeful that (D.O.A.) will continue on his way when I begin running later in the week. But I wouldn't wager on it, however my wife most definitely would. Peace Out!!!

20 miles 3:19

Last Hard Training Week Before 1st Marathon

It all comes down to this week. Have I trained hard enough to reach my goals? Will I ever share my goals with my large reading audience? Will I poop myself at mile 9? Will I at least run faster than Oprah did in her marathon (4hrs. 29 minutes)? Why couldn't GU come up with a better sounding name than GU? Does the outfit I picked out to run in match my new shoes? Will anyone notice how good my ass looks in these shorts? You see I'm full of questions.

Last Friday I bought the new Pearl Izumi Float 3's. What the "F" are Pearl Izumi, you asked!!! They happen to be running shoes. And not just any running shoes my friend, they are the only shoes that are endorsed by yours truly. The are also the shoes I'll be wearing for my first ever marathon. Pearl Izumi if you happen to be reading this, I love your products and will happily mention your products on this blog for some type of shoe deal. Look Pearl Izumi, it would benefit all of us for you to consider supplying me with free shoes. I mean just think of the thousands of readers that have already seen the praise I'm giving you on this blog. PEARL IZUMI, I'm waiting. Anywho...

Did I mention that my first ever marathon is 17 days away and I already have my outfit picked out for it. Seriously, how gay am I? Who cares what you think!!! The shoes will be the aforementioned Pearl Izumi FLoat 3's, Balega socks, Brooks running shorts, and Pearl Izumi running shirt to finish off the ensemble. Oh, How could I forget, I'll probably wear my Margaritaville hat also. I know, I know, I'm Going To Look FAAABULOUS!!!

Wifey and I are headed with some friends to Vegas on Friday for Superbowl weekend, so I'll be doing my last 20 mile run on the strip probably while the rest of my peeps are hung over and in bed. Nice!!! I am actually looking forward to running somewhere different. Hopefully this cold I just picked up on Monday will be a memory by this weekend. I probably have a better chance of hitting the Jackpot while I'm in Vegas though. Peace Out!!!

P.S.--- Pearl Izumi, I really do love you!!!

Mon.: Interval Training, 1 mile warm up, 3x2mile @ 7:55 pace, 1 mile cool down , 8miles total.

Virtual (D.O.A.), Will Be Calling Me Soon!!!

If you look to left of this entry you'll see that I have created a box to keep track of my monthly mileage by distances. I am ingeniously calling it, "Virtual (D.O.A.)"!!! This virtual little runner left from the house on New Years day and is approximately 121 miles from Sarasota and headed north. I provided him with a cell phone with specific instructions only to call the last day of each month with his location. Hopefully that little bastard won't use the phone for any other reasons. I tried to explain the state of the economy, but I think the conversation went over his head. I have already heard rumours that he has over 200 hundred friends on Face Book. Any who...

I'm hoping maybe in a few months that my virtual and real self will cross paths at some race event along both of our travelings. Talk about bizarro world!!! When first meeting my virtual self will I like what I see? Will I understand his warped sense of sarcasm? Will he act quiet and standoffish until he really gets to know me? And, most importantly, how will his ass look in his running apparel? Hopefully these questions and many more will be answered in the upcoming months.

Until then.... Peace Out!!!

Tue: 5.43 miles/ Easy Pace

Wed: 4 miles/ Easy Pace

Bagel Bewilderment!!!

If you keep up with this blog, you probably were aware that my loving, caring and selfless wife was going to accompany me on my long run this weekend on her bike to carry my hydration. You see, I planned on using my first ever 20 mile run as a practice for the actual race in three weeks. Since the race will have water and Gatorade approximately every two miles I figured my wife could just hand me the beverage of choice along the run at about the same distances. To further ease the burden of handing me the liquids every 17 to 18 minutes, I also tried to tell my super duper helper where these 2 mile spots along the run would be by giving her landmarks. All seemed to be going to plan, however about an hour and fifteen minutes into the run "The cream cheese hit the fan"!!!

You see my water girl was starting to get a rumble in her tummy. We were about 8.5 miles into the run and close to Morton's Market, which so I've heard have the most Delicious bagels. I told my wife that she should stop and eat. I mean don't mind me I only have 11.5 miles left to run and besides these GU packets are very filling. Besides I won't need another drink until mile 10. I figured that would give my wife 15 minutes or so to eat a bagel and feel like she was getting something out of the trip.

I made it to mile 10 and there was no sign of my wife, but I was still feeling strong so I didn't panic about missing my scheduled Gatorade. Mile 11 came, still no wife, I am now heading over the ever tall Ringling Bridge, admittedly a little nervous but forging ahead. Mile 12, which is my next scheduled water and GU, insert cricket chirping here, that's right "NO WIFE"!!! I Mean How Big Is This Friggen Bagel??? At mile 13 I decided to turn around, maybe my wife had problems with the bike, or is in some kind of trouble. I mean she knows the marathon course like the back of hand right??? NOT!!! Where would I get that idea? Just because I have had the actual course of the marathon taped to my bathroom mirror for the past six months doesn't mean that any body has looked at it. I mean besides myself.

Mile 14, I stop running in fear that without hydration I will begin to cramp, even though to this point I was feeling really strong and actually getting faster each mile. I walked back over the bridge and there she is, my princess sitting on the sidewalk, I'm assuming trying to digest the two pound bagel she must of ate. In all fairness she was upset that she lost me, and really who hasn't lost someone on foot while riding a bike that goes probably 3 or 4 times faster speed wise? I quickly gulped down some water and Gatorade and we finished the last 6 miles. Somehow my wife was able to keep me in sight for the last few miles and I've never been more proud. Peace Out!!!

My first 20 mile training run, Yippeee!!!

I know this sounds dumb, but I actually look forward to my weekend long runs. Besides my children and "yes" even my wife, it's the next best thing going for me at this point in my life. Pretty sad huh! besides I only have until June to get down to a size two dress for my high school reunion. My girlfriends will be so jealous. Anywho, tomorrow I have a tempo run at 8 minute/mile pace for nine miles. Followed by a recovery run on Friday for 40 minutes. Then on Sunday I will tackle the 20 miler. I would like to run this one a little faster than my usual long run pace to prepare me for the marathon in a few weeks. I also would like to run the distance on the actual course for the marathon to make sure I haven't forgot it over the last year and a half.

I had the family bike's brought from our office to home so I could try to coax, (read: bribe) my wife into riding beside me during my run so she could carry all my gear like a pack mule. That way I could run without the burden of carrying my water, Gatorade, GU packets and cell phone. This will save me from lugging the additional 6 pounds that I have grown accustomed to having for each long run. Besides, I'm sure my wife will offer as much support as the crowds do on race day, as she rides besides me waiting for my orders. I probably have a better chance of having her accept me as one of her friends on Fake Book. The only other obstacle I have for my long run plan, is what to do with the children's??? Hopefully I can talk my parents into coming over. Maybe if I buy some lotto tickets and leave them spread out all over the house along with the newspaper the parental units may zip right over. I know that last line about the lotto tickets and newspaper doesn't make any sense, but I find it funny. You see my dad has a slight gambling problem and my mom is a wee bit negative, I'll let you put the pieces together.

Did I mention I love my kids and ummmm, oh yeah I almost forgot, Running!!! PEACE OUT!!!

My First PR of the Year!!!

I don't think it actually counts since it didn't take place at an actual race. You think that matters to me??? Hell To The Nah Sis ta!!! On Thursday my training run was scheduled as an 8 mile run at 8 minute per mile pace. Lets just say I made those 8 miles my bitch. Back about 2 and half months ago my wife and I participated in a 8 mile run at Disney World. There were two great feats accomplished that night. I only wish mine was the most memorable of the two, but it wasn't. The most memorable moment of the night had to be my wife's first ever finish line crossing. She finally made it to the starting line, and nobody, and I mean nobody, crosses a finish line quite like that women. The other feat was that I beat my previous PR for this event by 17 minutes. My new PR was 1 hour 7 minutes. If you don't believe me check the side bar on this here blog. I mean who would lie about a PR? Not this guy! For those of you that are mathematically challenged the run I did on Thursday was 1 hour 4 minutes, which is 3 minutes faster.

By the way PR does not stand for Public Relations, Puerto Rico, or even Pubic Region for that matter. At least not on this blog. It stands for Personal Record. Just thought that might need clearing up.

This week is almost to a close, at least running wise. All I have left is a tiny 20 miler on Sunday to run. Hopefully my training will get harder soon. Seriously, I'm already ending my second week of the month and I have only managed to run a measly 71.73 miles. This time last year I was already up to 38.1 miles. I guess I need to step it up, Oprah Style!!! Peace Out!!!

Thursday: 8 miles 1hr. 4 min. 1428 calories
Friday: 40 minute recovery run 3.51 miles

What I know??? About my first Marathon!!!

Things I know about my rapidly approaching first marathon. It will take place in 5 weeks in Sarasota, Fl. on Feb. 15 at 6:00 A.M. to be exact. This is the 4th annual running of the marathon and it happens to be President's Day weekend. The official name of the marathon is the ABC 7 Sarasota Grouper Marathon. The marathon is one of the many that are Boston Qualifier's. So, if I happen to run the marathon in 3 hours and 15 minutes, I will automatically be qualified for Boston. I am 100% sure this will not happen.

The start of the marathon is on Bayshore Road in front of the entrance to the Ringling Museum. "And No Old People!!!", although it's confusing to you the actual entrance to the museum is just a little more north than you think it should be. Don't even get me started on the agony of trying to explain to "blue hairs" where to park for the museum. Anywho, from my house to the starting line is a 1/4 of a mile. Unless a few hundred people get sick or forget to show up, I will more than likely not win the marathon. But, I will tell you this, I doubt there are many people running the marathon that are more familiar with the course.

You see of the 1218 miles I ran last year, I would say at least 75% of those were run on parts of the actual marathon course. That's over 900 miles, or 35 marathons that I have ran during my training runs. Since the marathon is an out and back type run I am especially familiar with the few beginning and ending miles of the course. I literally could run the first 4 miles with my eyes closed. For example, I know that after the gun goes off at 6:00 A.M. that about 200 feet into the run to watch your footing, because Bayshore Road is very uneven at this point and stays that way until the first turn onto North Shore. I know that it's very dark at 6:00 A.M. running down these streets and there is really not enough room for 3 thousand hyped up runners. I know right before mile two, before Jungle Gardens, that there is an elevation change that is pretty noticeable and that in another half a mile at Indian Beach this elevation change happens again. I know most people think that the stretch along 41 looks flat, but feels hill like while running. I know as the half marathoners head over the Ringling Bridge and toward there turn around point on the other end of the bridge, that the full marathoners are just being teased by the man made mountain until later in the race, mile 12 and 20 to be exact. I know that the loop around Golden gate point, mile 6, will still be under construction. I only wish all the runners would be cussing my company instead of Woodruff and Sons. I know mile 8 thru 11 should be enjoyed, especially on warm days because this area provides the best shade coverage. Mile 13 thru 20 not so much shade, but most would probably find very scenic, that is if there not cramping, barfing, crawling or pooping by this point. Mile 21 thru 26 are up 41 and back thru the neighborhood and to the finish line on the museum grounds under the beautiful banyon trees.

A few other things I know. My wife is throwing a before and after party on marathon day. We have parking for probably 10 to 12 cars if you would like to avoid the marathon parking madness. My family will try to keep there streak of not seeing me at the finish line going strong in 2009. I will finish!!! Peace Out!!!

Running Since Last Thursday: Thursday 1-1-09 7 miles
Friday 1-2-09 4.66 miles
Saturday 1-3-09 18 miles
Monday 1-5-09 3 miles
Tuesday 1-6-09 7.56 miles
Total: 40.22 miles