I've got "Georgia On My (virtual) Mind"!!!

Virtual D.O.A will be calling in tomorrow from Albany, Georgia. I know it's amazing how I can predict a day ahead of time where a figment of my imagination will be calling from. Lets just say I got mad skills!!! Albany, Georgia is called the "Good Life City", it's also is the "Pecan Capital of The World" and the birthplace of Ray Charles. Sounds like Albany may have a small identity crisis and can't decide which of the three facts above to go by. I say why choose Albany? Come up with as many tag lines as possible. How about "Hey New York our Albany can kick your Albany's Ass", or "He Can, She Can, Pecan!!! In Albany". Oh well, maybe not the greatest of tag lines, but you get the point Albany. Albany actually does look like a great place to visit and if your ever in the area you may want to check it out. (www.albanygeorgia.biz)

In other news, I am very happy with my over all mileage for the month of April (124). The last couple of weeks I have been stuck at 226 pounds. I attribute that to my ever present urge to fill my pie hole with whatever food I come in contact with, and a lack of any kind of discipline on my part. The weight battle will continue. I also have added some coinage to my loose change tracker. In fact, I tripled my total during one of my long runs. I was able to come across a penny and a dime along a new route that I tried over the weekend. I plan on adding this path to my daily routine and hope it bears more riches in the weeks to come. Before long I'll be able to buy myself a coffee, or at the very least a pack of gum. Peace Out!!!

6 Friggen 21!!!

I was order by my trainer to run 1 mile at 100% during my training run this weekend. I took that to mean that the night before said training, I should stay out until 2 in the morning playing cards and drinking (1 and half bottles of Vodka and countless shots of Yagermeister to be exact). Then attempt the run. Well, needless to say Saturday morning came all to fast and I awoke in Headache Hangover Hell Land surrounded by two wide awake children. For the next few hours I attempted to hydrate and escape from Hangover land, unfortunately to no avail.

About noon I finally decided that my current state was not going to improve, so I laced on the Pearl's and headed out the door. Upon my first steps outside I noticed that summer had decided to come early. I am sure this was punishment from the running gods for last nights behavior. Obviously the running gods don't know me very well. It will take a lot more then sizzling heat and a migraine to stop me from a training run. Maybe the gods don't realize that I'm a married man with children for crying out loud!!!

I warned up for 10 minutes. Every single foot strike with the pavement could be felt all the way to the spot where the little jack hammers were running inside my head. Finally, it was time for the 100% mile. I took of in a flash and could instantly feel my breathing and heart rate quicken, along with those annoying little jack hammers. I started to feel the need to slow the pace about three quarters into the run, but ignored the urge. I was starting to feel the effects of my poor hydration and could feel the taste of my blood as I gasped for air during the last quarter of a mile. The last eighth of a mile seemed like it would never end, but thankfully the familiar sound of my Garmim watch sounded the end of my misery.

Results, 6:21!!! Could it have been better? Time will tell!!! Peace Out!!!

Open Letter To: My Trainer!!!

Dear Richard, (this is my trainer's name, really!!!)

I hope this letter finds you well. Let me start by saying that I appreciate all you have done for my running in the last several months. Last night during my scheduled interval training of ten 1/8 miles with one minute of rest in between each, followed by 2 miles at 8:10 minute pace, and finally finishing with yet another ten 1/8 miles, I came to the realization that you may be trying to do great harm to me. Seriously, I'm not a teenager anymore!!! And since you're my trainer I think you know that my present weight is a feather like 226 pounds. Do you realize that with every stride I'm impacting the road and sidewalk at eight times that amount? That's 1800 pounds of force each time my feet hit whatever happens to be unfortunately underneath them. It's hard to believe that I'm not leaving a path of destruction behind me as I run. Picture the love child of King Kong and Godzilla going for a run in your neighborhood. Trust me, I know what your thinking, I definitely have the body hair for it.

I guess the big question is why do you dislike me Richard? Is it because I lovingly made fun of your Brazilian accent? Or, was it the time I blogged about how you use the word "warn", instead of warm? I honestly get a kick out of warning up for 10 minutes before each training run. Maybe the jokes on me!!! Do you literally mean I should do a 10 minute warning, just to let others know that my fat ass is going to be training in their vicinity? If so, that's just mean Richard!!! If your plan is to have me run until I drown in my own sweat, then you might be on to something. Last night not only did I almost drown in that fashion, I also reached my puke threshold during several portions of the run. Upon returning to the house it took an extra long time to recover from my training. But, today is a new day and I'm feeling refreshed and ready for whatever challenge you throw at me next.

In closing, I may be Kingzilla, or even Godkong like, but I'm not a quitter. So, if your goal as a trainer is to get me to push my self to the top, kind of like slowly climbing a large building. I am up to the task. I know there will be struggles along the way, sort of like bi-planes*** shooting at me as I reach the peak of the large building I'm climbing. I say fire on you damn planes I'm in this bitch for the long haul. Consider this letter my 10 minute warning!!! Peace Out!!!

*** Biplane: is a fixed-wing aircraft wit two main wings. Not a plane that likes both girl and boy airplanes. I know there is some confusion on this with at least one of my readers.

Why Do I Run???

Seriously, Why Do I Run?

i run: to keep sane.
i run: to stay morbidly obese, instead of morbidly fatally obese.
i run: because my doctor thinks I'm fat.
i run: to challenge myself.
i run: to get back to my own toilet, gross but true some mornings.
i run: to get away from my family. this is not a joke.
i run: because I love the feeling of competitiveness. even if it's only with myself.
i run: It makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something.
i run: because I secretly have a running store fetish.
i run: because it helps me think and solve problems of everyday life.
i run: to become faster.
i run: to reach future goals.
i run: to see how far I can push myself.
i run: to be happy.
i run: to inspire other people.
i run: because when I go for a run, I'm in control and no one can take that away from me.
i run: because after my wife and children, it's something I truly love. Peace Out!!!

FYI: Thursday I went over the 2000 mile mark. Not bad for less than 2 years of running.

The April Fool Checks In and Other News!!!

As you can probably see Virtual D.O.A. has called with his current destination. He also told me that he was turning over a new leaf and will no longer be stopping at college campuses to party with the student body. Well how Convenient since his current resting stop is where a majority of the southern colleges celebrate their spring breaks this week. I asked D.O.A. about this, and he swears he only decided to stop at this location for the upcoming Shrimp and Oyster Festival: on Friday, April 10 thru April 12, and knew nothing about any spring break stuff. He also wanted to let me know that Panama City Beach is known as "The Beach lovers Beach", and is best known from its sugar-white sand beaches and clear, emerald waters of the Gulf of Mexico and St. Andrews bay. For more information he suggested http://visitpanamacitybeach.com. Me thinks my virtual buddy may be moonlighting while out of town. The last thing he told me is that this area reminded him of Sarasota and he was starting to get a little homesick, but he had to let me go because the wet t-shirt contest was starting.

In other news, I was able to get back to my losing ways on the scales. Last week I shook the world with an earth shattering 1 pound drop in weight. I was unable to find any loose change last week, but did manage to get my running mileage back over 100 miles last month. My kids both celebrated a birthday over the weekend and last night I became an uncle again. Congratulations to my brother and sister in law, and welcome baby Langdon to the world. I looked up the meaning of Langdon, and it means "long hill slope". Ironic, since that's probably what little Langdon will be facing as he grows up in these messed up times, along with all the rest of our children.

Lastly, I learned that by plane it takes approximately a week to get from France to Sarasota. I also mistakenly forwarded an email that was hurtful to my wife. Short story long I, being the passive aggressor that I am, tried making a joke about picking up a foul mouthed call girl while in Vegas only to find out that it was actually my loving wife. Being the simpleton that I am, I didn't put it together that the people that were on the forwarded email would think I was comparing my wife to hooker. I was trying to describe, and as they all know, my wife's language as a bit "Sailor Like" and was no way trying to suggest she was a lady of the night. I only hope there is some way she will accept my apology for my horrible mistake. You know deep down that I love you for who you are you "yuck mouth ho"!!! Peace Out!!!