Open Letter To: My Trainer!!!

Dear Richard, (this is my trainer's name, really!!!)

I hope this letter finds you well. Let me start by saying that I appreciate all you have done for my running in the last several months. Last night during my scheduled interval training of ten 1/8 miles with one minute of rest in between each, followed by 2 miles at 8:10 minute pace, and finally finishing with yet another ten 1/8 miles, I came to the realization that you may be trying to do great harm to me. Seriously, I'm not a teenager anymore!!! And since you're my trainer I think you know that my present weight is a feather like 226 pounds. Do you realize that with every stride I'm impacting the road and sidewalk at eight times that amount? That's 1800 pounds of force each time my feet hit whatever happens to be unfortunately underneath them. It's hard to believe that I'm not leaving a path of destruction behind me as I run. Picture the love child of King Kong and Godzilla going for a run in your neighborhood. Trust me, I know what your thinking, I definitely have the body hair for it.

I guess the big question is why do you dislike me Richard? Is it because I lovingly made fun of your Brazilian accent? Or, was it the time I blogged about how you use the word "warn", instead of warm? I honestly get a kick out of warning up for 10 minutes before each training run. Maybe the jokes on me!!! Do you literally mean I should do a 10 minute warning, just to let others know that my fat ass is going to be training in their vicinity? If so, that's just mean Richard!!! If your plan is to have me run until I drown in my own sweat, then you might be on to something. Last night not only did I almost drown in that fashion, I also reached my puke threshold during several portions of the run. Upon returning to the house it took an extra long time to recover from my training. But, today is a new day and I'm feeling refreshed and ready for whatever challenge you throw at me next.

In closing, I may be Kingzilla, or even Godkong like, but I'm not a quitter. So, if your goal as a trainer is to get me to push my self to the top, kind of like slowly climbing a large building. I am up to the task. I know there will be struggles along the way, sort of like bi-planes*** shooting at me as I reach the peak of the large building I'm climbing. I say fire on you damn planes I'm in this bitch for the long haul. Consider this letter my 10 minute warning!!! Peace Out!!!

*** Biplane: is a fixed-wing aircraft wit two main wings. Not a plane that likes both girl and boy airplanes. I know there is some confusion on this with at least one of my readers.