God Called, I Never Answered!

 

Let’s go on another adventure into the future and visit a young JB at 9 years old. The setting is Oneco Elementary 4^th grade classroom. My teacher this year was Mrs. Allran. I would describe her as an older lady, I’m guessing at the time late 60’s. She also was permanently in a wheelchair, so maybe Allroll would have been a better last name. I kid!!!  I would describe myself at this time as a shy chubby kid that for the most part kept to myself and was very polite to my elders, especially those with authority. I’m sure if you asked my mother, she would describe me in another light. My guess is annoying oldest kid “allegedly” whose first language is spewing sarcasm. Once again, only a guess.

 

Any who, Mrs. Allran took a liking to me early on in 4^th grade and dare I say I was her favoritous kid ever. I know that’s not a word, but it should be!!! Just about every week I would be chosen as citizen of the week, much the chagrin of all the other poor 4^th grade fucks in my class. It got to the point that she would tell me and my mother that I was special and was destined for great things. She would even go as far as telling me that God would be calling on me because I was his miracle. At first, I just thought Mrs. Allran was going senile and thought I was Jesus and not Jason. I mean both names have 5 letters starting with a J and have Ss in them. Easy mistake to make right? Regardless, it was a bit uncomfortable being the chosen one and all, but I kind of dug it. Until it finally it was made perfectly clear that my dear teacher’s goal for me was that of a higher calling. That’s right folks, she thought that I was destined to be at least priest, maybe a cardinal, or hell maybe even Pope JB!!! HOLY SHIT!!! This realization brought me off my cloud quickly and back to normal 4^th grader JB really quick. Seriously, I haven’t even seen a live female breast yet. How can I think about being a man of the cloth.

 

Mrs. Allran was not aware of my dark side. At the ripe age of 7 I was already sticking the leftover toothpicks from the samples at Grand Union in loaves of bread. That had to ruin some family’s pasta night. Not exactly how God would dispose of his toothpick. But you know, Thug Life Bitches!!! Also, if Mrs. Allran knew in a few more years I’d be driving my drunk dad around town her, and God would probably frown upon this for sure. You know what, Pops needs to get to work and young JB gonna make it happen God. You know what I sayin???

 

As you can see, a split in the path was given to young JB and he had a choice. Path to the right, maybe someday Popedom and ultimately Heaven. Path to the left, sarcasm, gaslighting, worry, anxiousness, fear and maybe a few boobies. Mrs. Allran for me it was a tough choice, let god know JB Ain’t Home!!!

 

Love you Peeps!!!!