3 Reasons To Become Less Fatally Obese!!!

As you can probably see, I have added a sidebar to monitor my weight. I plan on weighing myself each Monday morning after showering. By showering I won't have to worry about the ounces of grime and dirt that have accumulated during the past day and night throwing off my scientific results. Besides, Bertha likes me to be clean before I get on top of her. I know what your thinking, who is this Bertha chick and isn't your wife the only one that actually reads this shit??? You are SOOOO Busted!!! Rest easy peeps, Bertha is the name I decided to name our family scale.

My first weigh in occurred this Monday and the results were an earth crushing 231 pounds. I think you can see that is about 30 pounds more than the goal that I have set for myself. Once again I know what your thinking, but Jason you look "So Hot" right now if you lose 30 more pounds you'll be way too skinny. I say horse pucky. I think it was Keira Knightley, or maybe the real, real, skinny Olsen twin that said it best, " There's no such thing as being too skinny. The rest of you are just way too fat.". O.K. so maybe they didn't say that, but I'm sure that's what they were thinking. I digress... Below are the reasons I have for achieving this goal.

Reason #1:

By losing the approximate weight of an average three year old, I will definitely be able to lower my pace per mile running speed. Besides, there is no better feeling than flying by some hapless wanna-be runner, or even worse a speed walker, at lightening pace. I don't really know if this feels good, but take it from a wanna-be runner, the fast guys sure make it look like fun. Dropping the pounds should also help me in other running related goals that at this point I'm not confident enough to share with a group, let alone put in writing.

Reason #2:

My twenty year reunion is in June of this year, and I intend on going dressed in the same clothes I wore on my graduation day. I only hope it's cold enough to wear my Neon Orange High school jacket to at least one of the functions. I intend on growing my mustache back and getting my hair styled as I wore it way back when. For those of you out of the know, and haven't joined the Face book revolution my hair style of choice was spiked on the top and a mullet in the back. What a real crowd pleaser. Anyways, none of this dream can come true at my present weight. Besides, who will be able to recognize me looking like this. Seriously, I'm sure everybody has either maintained, or lost weight since their Alma Mater days. Although I did recently see one of my classmates stuffing her face at a local restaurant last week. She looked like she swallowed a watermelon. She probably should follow my lead and lay off the egg rolls for a while.

Reason #3:

When the day finally comes and I'm lucky enough to find, and afford, the trophy wife I deserve, I figure it would be a nice gift to her if I was also in peak physical shape. This will also help while trying to chase her around at clubs and parties. Have you ever seen how fast and much energy 21 year old's have? I probably will be getting in a lot of fights with younger dudes to defend my young wife's honor. Lastly, when I find that my wife actually has no honor, or virtue, the loss of weight should make me appear more attractive to my newly ex-wife's best friends.

Peace Out!!!