This morning I had the ultimate pleasure of getting my "Evil Seeds" ready for, and taking them to their places of learning. I rarely have this honor (read:punishment), and every time I am lucky enough to be called off the bench and into the game I am reminded why I attempt to leave the house as early as possible in the morning. Seriously, I would rather take an ass beating from an outlaw biker gang than deal with my two daddy hating children. I don't know how my wife does it every day. If she was to ever leave for any reason I would So be on the phone to an adoption agency. In fact, I already have an appointment with an agency this afternoon. I have to blame myself for being in this mess in the first place. You know being so irresistible, sexy, god's gift to the female race, and having sperm that swims like Michael Phelps. Oh well, the damage is done. Here is a brief re-play of this mornings events.
Setting: The Bennett residence
List of Characters: Jason (Great over-achieving dad)
Jake (Evil 5 year old junk food eater with runny nose)
Bryce (Evil 3 year old lying princess with wet diaper)
Time: 6:00 A.M.
Jason: Jake what do you want do bring for show and share day?
Jake: Something we don't have.
Jason: No buddy it has to be something we already own.
Jake: How about these three jets (red, blue, and silver)
Jason: You can only bring one.
Jake: O.K. I would like to bring the yellow one.
Jason: None of the jets are yellow.
Jake: When will mom be back? I hate you!!!
Jason:Bryce did you pee in your diaper last night?
Bryce: No.
Jason: Then what is that smell?
Bryce: Well maybe I peed a little bit, but it was an accident. I miss my mommy and daddy is not my friend anymore!!!
Jason: What would you two like for breakfast?
Jake and Bryce: When will mommy be back!!!
Jason: Spends next two hours asking questions and attempts to get the children ready.
Jake and Bryce: Spend the next two hours wishing for safe return of mommy and sudden death of mean question asking father.
Time 9:10 A.M. Morning fiasco is over. Jason also hopes for safe and speedy return of the mommy, preferably before this afternoons school pickup.
Not much to report on running front. Hope to hit the pavement tonight. Peace Out!!!
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I'm sorry that Jake didn't get a sticker on the only day you took him to school. It's not because of you, he was just tired. I neglected to tell you that last night when you went for your run I was so mad at them that I spanked Jake, put them both to bed and they screamed and cried for their Daddy (I SWEAR TO GOD, I KNOW YOU WON'T BELIEVE ME, but IT'S TRUE)Then I hid in the garage and contemplated turning the car on and sitting in it. New low point for me.
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